The depressing thing is that this I see these everyday lol :/

That first complaint's bit about "suffering huge losses" by not being separated from his luggage is so very odd, I'd be tempted to call the authorities to look at his luggage.

I have a form letter suggestion for these types

Dear Sir,

We at XXX airlines are extremely sorry about the inconvenience our service has caused you. We understand that you would like some sort of compensation.

I am Nancy Yaya Kouaku, besides being a customer service representative at XXX Airlines, I am the only daughter of late Mr. and Mrs. Yaya Kouaku. My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan; the economic capital of Ivory Coast, my father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip.

My mother died when I was a baby and since then my father took me so special. Before the death of my father on 12 February 2008 in a private hospital here in Abidjan he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of Four million ,five hundred thousand United State Dollars.USD($4.500,000) left in a suspense account in one of the prime bank here in Abidjan ,that he used my name as his only Daughter for the next of Kin in depositing of the fund. He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates.

As you know, times are tough in the airline business. The only way for me to compensate you will be to give you a portion of this money being held in the bank account. Help me, help you! Please, provide us a bank account into which this money would be transferred to so that I may compensate you ASAP!

After the successful transfer of this fund into your nominated account overseas, and once you have deducted your compensation (considering the severity of your inconvenience, please deduct up to $500,000), you must send us the rest within 24 hours, or we will have to rescind our offer and bill you for our time in dealing with your particular situation.

We look forward to serving you in the future.

Regards,
XXX Airlines
Customer Service

You should ensure that #2 is properly compensated with Monopoly money.

Help us help you! No, really!
 

Funny!!! Repurposing at its best!

How about . . .

Dear Steve,

We want to thank you fro choosing XXX Air Lines and hope that your Mum fully recovers from her accident. I know how I would feel if my Mum were involved in an automobile accident and I do feel your pain.

With regards to your checked luggage we are required by law to ensure that each piece of checked luggage is placed in the aircraft when the passenger boards the aircraft. This is for your security and the security of the other passengers. Please note that when you did not board your ticketed flight your baggage was flagged as suspicious and it was only due to the drug and explosive detection canines being overworked that it was set aside. The delay in having your bag checked by the police dogs resulted in your suitcase being sent to the bomb squad for destruction.

Again, thank you for flying on XXX Air Lines and we look forward to seeing you on a future flight.

Yours sincerely,


Dear Lee

Thank you very much for choosing to travel on XXX Air Lines. We take pride in our on time performance which as you know is the best in the industry!

Yes, the recent precipitation did catch a number of individuals by surprise, yet, were not going to let a little water inconvenience our passengers. We plan and train for such instances to stay #1 in this very competitive industry so we continue to provide our customers with the exemplary service they’ve come to expect. And prudent were you to reschedule your appointments as this did allow you the opportunity to fully relax after the long flight.

The fact that your flight departed on time and arrived in London 30 minutes ahead of schedule is testament to all the planning and training we do to ensure exceptional customer service.

We know, based on the outstanding experience you had on XXX Air Lines, we will be your first choice for all your future travel plans and we look forward to seeing you again

Yours sincerely,

:D

Wow. The second one reminds me of when I used to commute into the Loop from the Chicago suburbs. Had gotten to know the conductor on my normal train home and came upon him shaking his head one day. Seems he'd just been dressed down by an upset passenger who'd missed the previous train and had to wait for this one. The passenger was a native of New York and had assumed that since the LIRR trains are always late, Metra trains would be, too (they generally aren't). So he figured he had a 5-10 minute cushion to make his train. He didn't.

Do you work for an airline?

Most airline emoloyees on FT disclose for whom they work.

A free voucher for a complimentary canceled flight would be more like it ;)

Good for them. :)

Landing Gear: Those of us that need to know, know.

Dear Steven/Lee-

You are a maroon. Bite me.

Sincerely...


That's why I'm not in Customer Service. :p

That makes two of us. :eek: I don't have the patience to deal with those types of complaints.

For the first one, note that you're not a courier service and that if he wanted the luggage to arrive in London, he could have made arrangements to do so. Only the passenger is permitted to take the luggage out of the airport, and his relatives doing so would (I'm guessing) have been contrary to company policy.

As to the second one, in situations where there are serious weather issues, many US airlines allow fee-free changes. If you do that, note the policy, and that it is the passenger's responsibility to arrange for and verify the operation of transit not related to the airline.

I think others have covered the first one well, just point out that security regulations forbid carrying luggage for those not making the flight.

Here I would point out that any liability for non operation of trains would fall to the train company. Also note that you've reviewed your copy of EU regs and not found the section where compensation is due for arriving 30 minutes early, and request that the pax identify the relevant section for you.