Things you do to keep up relationships when traveling.
Nov 20, 2008, 11:05 am
#1
Original Poster
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Things you do to keep up relationships when traveling.
I am 99.999999% sure that this topic will have been discussed, but I can not find it through search.
I find that me traveling almost every sunday/monday - thursday/friday takes a toll on my relationships.
My girlfriend obviously doesn't like it, and although we talk all the time, its not the same on the phone.
Then, when I come home on weekends, I often don't get to see my friends because I only have so much time to spend with my girlfriend (sometimes I combine the two, but its nice to have alone time as well).
Yes, I know that such is life, and its part of the traveling lifestyle, but if anyone can refer me to threads where this has been discussed I would love to hear what other more experienced travelers do (as I am new to the traveling lifestyle).
In the .0001% chance there isnt a million threads on this, well, now there is.
I find that me traveling almost every sunday/monday - thursday/friday takes a toll on my relationships.
My girlfriend obviously doesn't like it, and although we talk all the time, its not the same on the phone.
Then, when I come home on weekends, I often don't get to see my friends because I only have so much time to spend with my girlfriend (sometimes I combine the two, but its nice to have alone time as well).
Yes, I know that such is life, and its part of the traveling lifestyle, but if anyone can refer me to threads where this has been discussed I would love to hear what other more experienced travelers do (as I am new to the traveling lifestyle).
In the .0001% chance there isnt a million threads on this, well, now there is.
Nov 20, 2008, 8:03 pm
#2
Join Date: Feb 2005
Programs: Starwood, AA
Posts: 822
one thing that i find better than talking on the phone is talking over skype. this allows us to see each other while talking.
i don't think there are any shortcuts. difficult choices have to be made and it often comes down to friends or SO. we do everything we can - talk on skype daily (or as much as we can), on easier/nicer trips, maybe SO comes along and we make a long weekend out of it, spend all long weekends/vacations together. the most important is to keep lines of communication open and deal with all problems right away rather than delaying.
i don't think there are any shortcuts. difficult choices have to be made and it often comes down to friends or SO. we do everything we can - talk on skype daily (or as much as we can), on easier/nicer trips, maybe SO comes along and we make a long weekend out of it, spend all long weekends/vacations together. the most important is to keep lines of communication open and deal with all problems right away rather than delaying.
Nov 20, 2008, 8:39 pm
#3
FlyerTalk Evangelist
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Well, I've already lost one significant other to my travel obsession. Oh well. The lifetime miles I have collected are more important anyhow.
My suggestion would be to remind your significant other that it is thanks to YOUR travel that SHE gets to enjoy the perks of your status, the free First Class awards to vacation spots, etc. etc. etc.
My suggestion would be to remind your significant other that it is thanks to YOUR travel that SHE gets to enjoy the perks of your status, the free First Class awards to vacation spots, etc. etc. etc.
Nov 20, 2008, 10:53 pm
#4
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: RDU
Posts: 5,237
Maybe you can find a way for your partner/spouse/girlfriend to visit you occasionally, say once every few months? Instead of going home on a weekend, bring them out to you. Of course, this only works if you are working/staying some place interesting.
Nov 20, 2008, 11:00 pm
#5
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Tampa, FL
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Well, I've already lost one significant other to my travel obsession. Oh well. The lifetime miles I have collected are more important anyhow.
My suggestion would be to remind your significant other that it is thanks to YOUR travel that SHE gets to enjoy the perks of your status, the free First Class awards to vacation spots, etc. etc. etc.
My suggestion would be to remind your significant other that it is thanks to YOUR travel that SHE gets to enjoy the perks of your status, the free First Class awards to vacation spots, etc. etc. etc.
This weekend i'm hanging out with my ex to be "friends" and because of our careers the distance/travel became a factor in our breakup. It was not the only cause, but it definitely compounded things. I actually became a frequent FlyerTalk member because of all the traveling I was doing to spend time with my ex.
I think a big problem we ran into was not becoming involved in each other's social circles. We built separate lives, to the point where going and meeting people from the other side became awkward and something I started to avoid - and that made things much worse. Definitely have "together" time alone, but make sure you know and meet each other's friends and coworkers and such. Not much makes a person in a relationship feel more distant then having a discussion and hearing lots of names and having no idea who those people are.
Nov 21, 2008, 11:33 am
#8
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I think a big problem we ran into was not becoming involved in each other's social circles. We built separate lives, to the point where going and meeting people from the other side became awkward and something I started to avoid - and that made things much worse. Definitely have "together" time alone, but make sure you know and meet each other's friends and coworkers and such.
Wow, you hit the nail on the head. I already see this happening.
Nov 21, 2008, 1:46 pm
#10
Moderator Communications Coordinator, Signatures
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Lots of good information here!
Its definitely going to take a toll, but if this is going to be the way your life is, its better to find out if its a toll she's willing to pay NOW than a few years and a couple of kids down the road.
Has she been able to experience any of the benefits of your frequent flying? Instead of you coming home one weekend, fly her out to where you are (in F of course) and enjoy a nice upgraded hotel experience courtesy of your hotel status. Or find out where in the world she wants to go and surprise her with a trip... all paid for with miles and points. Either she'll be able to enjoy the silver lining to the travel schedule, or one of you will figure out that its not going to work.
Its definitely going to take a toll, but if this is going to be the way your life is, its better to find out if its a toll she's willing to pay NOW than a few years and a couple of kids down the road.
Has she been able to experience any of the benefits of your frequent flying? Instead of you coming home one weekend, fly her out to where you are (in F of course) and enjoy a nice upgraded hotel experience courtesy of your hotel status. Or find out where in the world she wants to go and surprise her with a trip... all paid for with miles and points. Either she'll be able to enjoy the silver lining to the travel schedule, or one of you will figure out that its not going to work.
Nov 21, 2008, 1:47 pm
#11
Moderator Communications Coordinator, Signatures
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Nov 21, 2008, 7:06 pm
#13
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It is WAY more about the other half than anything else. If they "get it" then it is no problem, whether you talk, webcam or otherwise keep "connected" during the travels. If they don't "get it" then it will never happen.
I got lucky, and Mrs. sbm12 understands it, at least a little bit. She lets me do my mileage runs, my "useless" travel and other random trips and enjoys the few vacations/travels that we do together over time.
Early on in our relationship we took a trip together. That was a trial of sorts for both of us, and we managed to pass. Yes, I cashed in a lot of points for J tickets and, yes, we both thoroughly enjoyed that part of the trip. More to the point, however, was that she understood my travel obsession and was willing to put up with me over time.
If the other half doesn't "get it" then everything else is going to be tough. If they do then you're home free.
I got lucky, and Mrs. sbm12 understands it, at least a little bit. She lets me do my mileage runs, my "useless" travel and other random trips and enjoys the few vacations/travels that we do together over time.
Early on in our relationship we took a trip together. That was a trial of sorts for both of us, and we managed to pass. Yes, I cashed in a lot of points for J tickets and, yes, we both thoroughly enjoyed that part of the trip. More to the point, however, was that she understood my travel obsession and was willing to put up with me over time.
If the other half doesn't "get it" then everything else is going to be tough. If they do then you're home free.
Nov 21, 2008, 8:58 pm
#14
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I'll speak first of relationships to significant others. Great suggestions already (missydarlin, you had some exceptional ones ^)! In addition to daily calls (his voice is always the one I want to hear before I go to sleep and the first one I want to hear when I wake up), I try and leave a note/card for every day that I am gone (or when he travels, I put in his bag). When he travels, I put together a care package of his favorite snacks, a new book or two, a new dvd or two (or new dvd tv series), and put together his favorite magazines along with some photos and cards. When I travel, I take a travel photo frame that I can put bedside (I'm not talking those overnight trips, but the longer the ones).
I went from a long distance relationship where I was traveling to a marriage where we both travel (although I do the bulk of it, he still does a fair amount) and we do make it work. We also work on making it work and I do what I can to coordinate my travel to marry up with his when I can so that we can have that time together even if we are working.
For those of you with kids, in addition to the calls (and these really do make a difference) I suggest sending postcards from wherever you are and again I leave a card for each day and often I'll include photos of she and I together- I happen to have a kid who has always been obsessed with mail - even from before she could walk! Also, I bought placemats (at Lakeshore Learning) of the US and one World one that she can eat at and see where I (or her dad) are. There is also a world map up on the wall in her playroom that has laminated photos that can move. A bit cheesy but she learns geography at the same time
I went from a long distance relationship where I was traveling to a marriage where we both travel (although I do the bulk of it, he still does a fair amount) and we do make it work. We also work on making it work and I do what I can to coordinate my travel to marry up with his when I can so that we can have that time together even if we are working.
For those of you with kids, in addition to the calls (and these really do make a difference) I suggest sending postcards from wherever you are and again I leave a card for each day and often I'll include photos of she and I together- I happen to have a kid who has always been obsessed with mail - even from before she could walk! Also, I bought placemats (at Lakeshore Learning) of the US and one World one that she can eat at and see where I (or her dad) are. There is also a world map up on the wall in her playroom that has laminated photos that can move. A bit cheesy but she learns geography at the same time
Nov 22, 2008, 4:49 am
#15
Join Date: Jan 2006
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My SO and myself travel exclusively for our jobs. I've done some math on our travels and we probably see each other for 100 days per year, as you can see that can put a huge toll on any relationship. This year I have made it a goal to see my wife at least 5-7 times on the road, whether it is a overnight stay or a vacation spot. It's not too hard considering she is based out of EWR and I am also on the east coast out of DCA (Our permanent residence is in RIC). She and I however have also bumped into each other in most airports and I try not to avoid her when this happens.
Many airlines, when we have tried to book awards or free tickets and her and I mention that we are always on the road and want to see each other, I have yet to bump into an indifferent or ignorant person who doesn't care at all. ^ It certainly helps.
As someone stated, Skype is a great tool. But sometimes long distance calls are still there.
My SO and I save the nudity for when we are together
Many airlines, when we have tried to book awards or free tickets and her and I mention that we are always on the road and want to see each other, I have yet to bump into an indifferent or ignorant person who doesn't care at all. ^ It certainly helps.
As someone stated, Skype is a great tool. But sometimes long distance calls are still there.
My SO and I save the nudity for when we are together