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Do You Compliment Well-Behaved Kids?

Do You Compliment Well-Behaved Kids?

Old Nov 4, 08, 11:14 pm
  #1  
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Do You Compliment Well-Behaved Kids?

Seems like there's always a thread or two (or three) on screaming kids, kicking kids, etc. and how to handle them/what to say. What about the opposite? Every now and then I run into an extremely well-behaved child and I make it a point to give the parent a compliment. One example that comes to mind was a toddler behind me who was so well behaved that I didn't even realize a kid was back there till we started our descent. At that point, he did a small bit of wailing because of his ears and it shocked me to see him back there because he'd been stellar throughout the whole trip. Better than many adults!

I know good parenting shouldn't warrant a compliment because it should be the norm. But sadly it doesn't seem to be anymore so I like to reinforce the good parents and who knows, maybe the bad ones will overhear and learn something (yeah, I know, ain't gonna happen but I can dream).
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Old Nov 4, 08, 11:16 pm
  #2  
formerly bbrantley
 
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Sure, all the time. And not just when traveling. Kids need positive reinforcement from the community for these things. (Ironically, usually the parents already have it together, of course!)
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Old Nov 4, 08, 11:38 pm
  #3  
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No. Well-behaved should be the norm and, if they are, I wouldn't notice them. However, if I have occasion to interact with children who are particularly charming, bright, perceptive, talented, humorous, etc. I will compliment them on that.

Way back when I was acting, I did an episode of The New Munsters (it was work -- what can I say?). Eddie Munster was played by a very young actor -- he was, I think, around 10. During a break in a scene that involved, exclusively, day players like myself and Eddie Munster, I noticed that all the "adult" actors were talking with each other and the boy playing Eddie was standing by himself. I went over to him and said, "I'm really impressed with your performance. You're a very talented actor." He smiled nicely and said, "Thank you very much. I think you're very good, too." We chatted for a bit and the interaction was, in every respect, indistinguishable from that I would have with any adult actor. He was a very impressive young man who deserved the compliment.
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Old Nov 4, 08, 11:43 pm
  #4  
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Originally Posted by PTravel View Post
No. Well-behaved should be the norm and, if they are, I wouldn't notice them. However, if I have occasion to interact with children who are particularly charming, bright, perceptive, talented, humorous, etc. I will compliment them on that.

Way back when I was acting, I did an episode of The New Munsters (it was work -- what can I say?). Eddie Munster was played by a very young actor -- he was, I think, around 10. During a break in a scene that involved, exclusively, day players like myself and Eddie Munster, I noticed that all the "adult" actors were talking with each other and the boy playing Eddie was standing by himself. I went over to him and said, "I'm really impressed with your performance. You're a very talented actor." He smiled nicely and said, "Thank you very much. I think you're very good, too." We chatted for a bit and the interaction was, in every respect, indistinguishable from that I would have with any adult actor. He was a very impressive young man who deserved the compliment.
I was flying with my 3-year-old daughter last month. 90 minute or so flight, she watched her iPod (a hand-me-down) loaded with Phineas and Ferb and some other stuff. Not a peep out of her the entire trip, but I didn't expect one, either.

As I was getting off the plane, a woman complimented me on her behavior. It felt, well, condescending in a way. And I'm afraid I unintentionally responded with "Of course she is well behaved. It's expected of her," or something equally snotty. But her question threw me off guard.

It's not like my daughter doesn't have her moments, but I program every moment of a trip with her with things for her to do so that the odds of her having a tantrum (or something similar) is so small that I don't even consider it.
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Old Nov 4, 08, 11:52 pm
  #5  
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Originally Posted by RichMSN View Post
I was flying with my 3-year-old daughter last month. 90 minute or so flight, she watched her iPod (a hand-me-down) loaded with Phineas and Ferb and some other stuff. Not a peep out of her the entire trip, but I didn't expect one, either.

As I was getting off the plane, a woman complimented me on her behavior. It felt, well, condescending in a way. And I'm afraid I unintentionally responded with "Of course she is well behaved. It's expected of her," or something equally snotty. But her question threw me off guard.

It's not like my daughter doesn't have her moments, but I program every moment of a trip with her with things for her to do so that the odds of her having a tantrum (or something similar) is so small that I don't even consider it.
And that's exactly what I mean. I wouldn't have even noticed your daughter -- no reason I should. On the other hand (and I'm not sufficiently familiar with 3-year olds to know what they do, so this might not be realistic), if we were waiting to board and I was chatting with you and your daughter and she said something that struck me as precocious, or perceptive, or mature, or smart, I might say something like, "What an intelligent young lady you are!" The compliment would be to her though, of course, it would also reflect favorably on you.
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Old Nov 5, 08, 1:06 am
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Originally Posted by bbrantley View Post
Sure, all the time. And not just when traveling. Kids need positive reinforcement from the community for these things. (Ironically, usually the parents already have it together, of course!)
I completely agree so they will be motivated to obey and do good as well but it should have a limit. What I'm trying to show to say is don't give them too much gifts and explain to them clearly why is it good to do this and do that... ^
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Old Nov 5, 08, 3:53 am
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Always.
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Old Nov 5, 08, 6:26 am
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Originally Posted by skylady View Post
Always.
Perhaps I should start complimenting well-behaved adults
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Old Nov 5, 08, 6:36 am
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Originally Posted by RichMSN View Post
Perhaps I should start complimenting well-behaved adults
Good luck in your search. Please let us know if you find any.
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Old Nov 5, 08, 6:54 am
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Originally Posted by RichMSN View Post
I was flying with my 3-year-old daughter last month. 90 minute or so flight, she watched her iPod (a hand-me-down) loaded with Phineas and Ferb and some other stuff. Not a peep out of her the entire trip, but I didn't expect one, either.

As I was getting off the plane, a woman complimented me on her behavior. It felt, well, condescending in a way. And I'm afraid I unintentionally responded with "Of course she is well behaved. It's expected of her," or something equally snotty. But her question threw me off guard.

It's not like my daughter doesn't have her moments, but I program every moment of a trip with her with things for her to do so that the odds of her having a tantrum (or something similar) is so small that I don't even consider it.
I am a parent of 3 young children - all of whom routinely have their moments in private, but are generally exceptionally well behaved in public including planes - if my wife and I are doing our jobs.

I have (unfortunately) responded in a similar fashion as the poster above to this kind of comment about my kids. But I felt ashamed about it, and now I usually just politely thank the person.
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Old Nov 5, 08, 7:13 am
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Its very important

Back in the days when my now 18 year old son wanted to be seen with me and flew in J and F we use to walk off the plane on a consistent basis with champagne or wine from the FAs. When I asked why it was stated that it was such a pleasure for them to have a passenger (much less a child) saying please, thank you and in general being polite.
I always told my son that good manners cost you nothing and their value is priceless. I also enjoyed the wine/champagne that we got....
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Old Nov 5, 08, 7:57 am
  #12  
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Hope this isn't too OT. Something I never really thought about 'til friends started having kids and I wonder what the parents here think. (Not intending to criticize PTravel - just a handy example.)
Originally Posted by PTravel View Post
... she said something that struck me as precocious, or perceptive, or mature, or smart, I might say something like, "What an intelligent young lady you are!"
I try not to compliment kids on "intelligence" or other characteristics that are luck of the draw / birth / whatever. Compliments are reserved for those things they do / don't do / can influence. As my "Mom" friend explained it, I would never criticize my child for not being intelligent - but I won't hesitate to say something when he does something stupid. He can't help IQ; he can study for the test. Compliment the behavior(s) you would like repeated.

Also when I compliment a child, I address the child rather than the parent. It's the child who made it through the flight w/o kicking my seat, running up and down the aisle, screaming, etc. Of course the parent will overhear, but like anyone, kids usually like to be addressed directly.
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Old Nov 5, 08, 8:49 am
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No, it's rude and patronizing to express appreciation and amazement merely because a person acted as a person SHOULD act in a public place. It doesn't become less rude simply because they're a child and have to put up with your amazement. Would you compliment a well-behaved middle-aged white man? No, but you would notify the FA if he got drunk and started to misbehave. Otherwise, you would mind your own business. You would not be amazed and impressed that he kept his pants on and the lampshade off his head.
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Old Nov 5, 08, 11:04 am
  #14  
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I don't think you should compliment on the kid even if he/she is very well behave for the entire flight...
Like I said before... many parents have snapped on me when I tried to talk to their children... Like I have to go through them before I could say anything to the kid...

I am not saying all parents are like this, but most are quite annoying actually... I always have to watch the parents before I say anything. If he or she seem cool...I would talk, if not, oh well...

Just DONT have kid , people. They are too much works, and very very expensive. Go adopt a pet instead okay ??
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Old Nov 5, 08, 11:32 am
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Originally Posted by laundrian View Post
Go adopt a pet instead okay ??
Oh no! No pets on the plane, please!
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