I think the key distinction - already mentioned above - is between those pax who grab the seat and give it a big tug vs those who just touch it lightly to steady themselves. If the pax who use my seatback seem to be taking into account the fact that there is actually a human being (sometimes a sleeping one) in the seat, I usually won't object to a light touch to assist with balance. A quick and simple "sorry" can go a long way in this regard. It's just that some pax simply manhandle the thing, which makes you wonder....

Yep, this irritates me even more than a restless child's feet in my back. The down the aisle head jerk is not fun but the one I've never understood comes from the person sitting behind you getting up or sitting down. When I board early as an elite passenger I like to get comfortable and relax. Why does the fart knocker behind me have to use my seat to maintain balance while they are sitting down? Use your own seat for balance, not mine. And certainly don't grab on to my head rest and get seated, rummage through your purse, grab my headrest and get back up, bump your fat butt in to my seat, grab my head rest to sit back down, try out your tray table 9 times, grab my headrest to get up because you forgot to pee, come back grab my head rest to sit down, wait for the plane to take off, grab my headrest to get your book out of your bag, grab my head rest to sit down, wait....nope, time to pee again.

I hate the headrest grab!

**Qualifier, I understand the elderly or other people who for some reason must reach forward and cannot use their own seat for balance while getting up or down. I also always assume that the person has a good reason, although it is obvious that some people just don't realize that it is annoying.**

Aside from the occasional 'fiddly' release knob, it's no trouble at all. And the main reason I do it is to avoid having to squeeze between the lowered armrest and the seat in front (especially if it is reclined). Not having to grab the seatback is just a bonus.

another point of view
 

It's a reality of air travel that they can't place handrails in the aisles.

I suspect many people have trouble walking/standing on an aircraft. Bad hips or knees aren't only found in seniors. I've had a poor sense of balance lifelong, and on top of it, it isn't unknown for me to be motion sick or otherwise mildly disoriented. I wouldn't be able to debate this with you nor would I feel obliged to kiss your **** because you became irrationally angry and started throwing threats around. I would just have to keep on walking to take care of business. And then report the eye-gouging threat to the crew. That's assault in some states and it should be.

Based on your own description, you spoke up in an ugly, boorish fashion and put yourself in the wrong, even if you did have a legitimate complaint to start with -- which I kind of doubt. Since the man needed to grab hold of every headrest as he passed, it seems obvious that he was having trouble walking without support. I sit in the aisle every time, and I really can't say that I'm bothered by this. It's more disruptive to my sleep and peace of mind when somebody takes a loud, noisy fall or stumble.

But expecting me to "apologize profusely" when you come out blasting and I'm ill or in pain, that's rude, crude, and socially unacceptable in my book. I hope you don't really make as bad of a first impression as you do in your post. There is probably not a super polite way to tell people on a moving aircraft that they're supposed to all be ballerinas and tightrope walkers. I think you have unrealistic expectations and bad manners.

My suggestion is: select a window seat and/or look at what's wrong with you that you resent someone trying to steady themselves. What do you want them to grab hold of? The headrest is the only option that doesn't involve stumbling or grabbing onto some stranger's arm. You are not Dr. Freud nor do you have X-ray vision. You have no right to assume that someone is seeking to steady themselves because they're a "self-important blowhard." People steady themselves because they have to. Not because they want to.

I would have been embarrassed to post a report on myself where I admitted to threatening to gouge out another traveler's eyes. Do you really think your mom is proud of you today?

Well, I'm not overweight, and I have similar problems in coach. I think we all have different inner ears and different abilities to maintain balance without a handrail. I understand that I have a poorer sense of balance than average. It doesn't give the OP the right to threaten to gouge out my eyes. I wish the other passenger had reported him. That kind of extreme threat, given the minor provocation, doesn't seem normal to me.

Well, you clearly have a good sense of balance. Because if you didn't, you would understand that if your balance is unsteady, often a "light touch" isn't enough to make you feel secure. You do have to grab on or you're going to stumble.

...which is why I added that a quick and simple "sorry" can go a long way in helping to distinguish the true jerk from the person who had no choice. If you truly have physicial issues that give you no choice, part of the reasonable quid pro quo for grabbing my seat ought to be just a bit of common courtesy. After all, if the "grabbers" don't exhibit this kind of courtesy, why should you be able to expect it from the "grabbees?"

I think a little courtesy goes a LONG way in any airplane situation. Perhaps we can ask the airlines to add that to part of their safety spiel? :)

"Please be nice to those around you, they're just as cramped and uncomfortable as you!"

Yeah, that really unhinges me too. Then on reflex, you try to pull your head away and things go downhill after that.

Oh ferpetessake get over yourself. I've already made it clear that if someone has a problem walking or standing it's not a big deal, senior or not. You're looking for offense where none was intended. Had he responded with a "Sorry, but I can't balance, I have bad knees" after my first comment, I would apologized back with a "I'm sorry, I didn't realize" and that would've been the end of it.

In fact, as I originally wrote, I initially politely asked the culprit to not yank on my headrest. It wasn't until after he responded with a very rude rejoinder that I made it clear to him I wasn't going to back down. And if you can't tell a facetious remark from a serious one, you're doing a lot worse than the ogre I had to deal with on the flight.

He was a lot bigger than me, and I think he relied on his imposing size to keep people quiet despite his inconsiderate jerkishness. It was clear to me that he didn't NEED to use the headrests, he was just so big that he felt it was more comfortable to pull himself along.

My mother would be quite proud of the way I acted in this scenario. She didn't raise her child to be a doormat. Did yours?

I don't recall anyone doing this to my headrest on any of the flights I have been on. No doubt people have done this to me many times but I guess I never noticed or if I did notice it I must have forgotten about such an inconsequential thing immediately. I find when I am not actively seeking things to be pissed off about, life goes easier and things don't bother me as much.

You must be one of the lucky ones. Either you sleep very soundly or no one yanks on your headrest while you're taking a nap.

As WetCoaster said, this makes you awfully lucky. Next time you go to Vegas, will you take me along?

A person wouldn't have to be actively looking for something to get upset about in many of the cases I have seen or experienced. I'm talking about hard enough to wake a person or cause them to spill a drink -- would you agree that you'd notice that even if you weren't actively seeking things to get pissed about? Or would you still not even notice?:confused:

That is so well put. ^ I know sometimes unexpectedly we get disturbed but after viewing carefully on the nature of the incident and the factors/people involved we sometimes just live with it.

But of course when a situation like the OP's arises, one has to find a way to stand up for themselves.