Sharing hotel room at wedding---ethical question
 

i'd like some feedback about the following scenario...

let's say you're sharing a hotel room with an acquaintance for two nights where your mutual friend is getting married, and you agree to share the room to split the bill and save $. i did that this weekend, and i had a very bad customer service experience that affected me and bothered me enough to bring it up to management and complain. meanwhile, the person sharing the room with me knows nothing about what happened nor that i went to the trouble to complain about it. the room was held under my credit card so i handled the bill, and because of the problem i had they removed the charge for one night.

the dilemma i have is this--because the compensation was solely based on an issue that affected me, and the only reason for getting compensated as i did was because i took the time and effort to bring it up to management, the final bill was much less of course and i had already been given a check by this person to cover their half of the anticipated hotel cost. i think this person may have seen the folio they slip under the door prior to check-out, and i just said that there must be an error and i'd resolve it at check out, but i felt bothered because this person was acting entitled to a refund of half of the money given to me because the final bill was half of what it was supposed to be...but that was all my doing, and this person didn't do a thing or even know why the room was free for one night, and so i don't feel like this person is entitled to benefit from this discount solely because we happened to be sharing the room.

since i took care of the bill only i know the full story, but i don't know if i'm being selfish and unethical by letting her pay what she did and not "sharing" my compensation. if the issue affected her or bothered her, and she were involved in the complaining with me, i'd feel that she's entitled to benefit from the hotel's partial refund just as much as i'd be, but that's not the case. is there any reason she should be entitled to benefit from what happened?

part of me feels a bit conflicted here, so i thought i'd throw it out there and ask for other viewpoints...what would you have done in this situation? do i "owe" her the difference between the expected cost (what she paid me) and the final bill? if so, why? any feedback would be appreciated.....thanks.

Ultimately you had an agreement with your aquaintence to split the bill and as it stands right now that split is that they have paid 100% of the bill and you have paid nothing. Since you seem to have been happy with the hotels compensation offer of a 50% discount I can't see why you would then look to pay 0% of the bill. I'd certainly be returning half the money to your aquaintence asap

Completely agreed.

I also agree with IMAO. Yes, you owe her the difference between the expected cost and the final bill.

And if you don't feel motivated to act ethically, why don't you consider it from the perspective of enlightened self-interest? It won't do your reputation any good for your acquaintance to tell everyone what a cheapskate you are. (Although perhaps the damage has already been done.)

Why do you think you're entitled to stay for free? And why would you risk a friendship over a few bucks?

If I were the other party and I knew the truth, I would think a lot less of you.

I understand where you are coming from. You did all the work while your roommate watched TV, yet they expect to reap the benefits of your labor. While I think it's a bit dishonest to hide the price adjustment from your roommate, it's also unreasonable for your roommate expect the full split difference if they played no part in getting the adjustment. I think it depends on your relationship: if you are good friends and there's been give and take in the past, you should just split the difference because you'd expect your friend to do the same for you (you put in all that time and effort for mutual benefit). If your acquaintance is always a penny pincher or they always give you the shaft, I wouldn't refund a penny (and kick myself for allowing them to get to the folio first).

Variations of the same dilemma:
1. You have a 20% off discount code. Do you share the savings?
2. You get a special discounted rate by redeeming a certain number of FFP points. Do you split the discount rate or the full rack rate? How do you compensate for using your points for the lower rate?
3. You redeem mileage for free nights. Do you ask the other person to pay half the regular rate?
4. You receive an upgraded room due to your status at check-in. Do you charge the person more?
5. You used a referral code when you booked and you will get 10% back in 1 month. Do you give the other person any of the kickback?

you agree to share the room to split the bill and save $.
This is key.... as previous posters have suggested.

bad customer service experience that affected me .... meanwhile, the person sharing the room with me knows nothing about what happened nor that i went to the trouble to complain about it.

Well if it didn't affect them, and they didn't know about it, then obviously they wouldn't go to the trouble to complain. Its a pity you didn't discuss it with them as you had a shared interest in the room. (You were rather like "joint tenants" I suppose.)

they removed the charge for one night

So I think this is where the problem is. You feel they compensated by an amount that was double your share. So this is all yours, and your acquaintance should still pay the same. But you were not subcontracting to your acquaintance. You were both "as one" in your dealings with the hotel. They compensated you (ie both of you) for the problem by giving you a free night. So that benefit accrues to both of you (as a unit).

Now I realise the fact that you slapped down your credit card is slightly inconsistent with this analysis - perhaps the hotel only saw you as the customer and your acquaintance in a different role. But we don't care about the hotel - it comes down to what you have agreed with your acquaintance. You are staying there jointly - though probably there's an implied agreement that you'll each pay your own extra - minibar etc. IF the compensation was in respect of something of this nature - ie outside of the scope of the arrangement with your friend - eg you were poisened by the hotel restaurant whilst your friend was out, then maybe I'm sympathetic to the idea that the compensation is yours, even though it was realised by way of room discount.

the only reason for getting compensated as i did was because i took the time and effort to bring it up to management

But your acquaintance didn't know, did they? So they didn't have the chance to help.

i had already been given a check by this person to cover their half of the anticipated hotel cost

But that's just it - the anticipated hotel cost. If for some reason you had to pay more for the room, would you have taken the hit? Really it was a payment on account, rather than purchase of half-a-room from you.

that was all my doing, and this person didn't do a thing or even know why the room was free for one night

Yes, you have said. But in the end, you were in it together.

Conclusion
If the service problem you had was as part of the normal hotel service then you should give her back the money. You were staying there jointly. Should the compensation relate to something outside of the scope of the normal room service that you agreed to share, then I think you can attibute the compensation to whatever it was you procured from them. Difficult to sustain that argument unless it was something chargeable as an extra (eg dinner).

I think you should tell her the story, tell her at first you didn't think she was entitled to the compensation because it was a problem that affected only you and you didn't want it to spoil her stay. But on second thoughts, you think she's entitled to her share back.

She can then post here about her dilemma.....

And we'll advise her to let you keep it. (Which would be the decent thing.)

Sorry for the long winded answer!

I can see two sides to this....

On one side if the problem only affected the OP then IMO it is the OP that should recieve compensation. If the hotel had wrote the OP a check should he share it with his roommate?

On the otherside from the friends perspective the bill for the room was less than originally planned. IMO the OP might come out looking cheap and greedy if he ends up collecting more than half of the total room bill from his friend. I'll also add the OP will then be earning a cash profit from his friend, not the hotel.

When I have had a problem at a hotel when someone else is paying I ask for any other compensation beside a free night/deduction from the room bill because that would not benefot me. Maybe the OP could have asked for a free night voucher or points to be used later.

i appreciate the feedback, though i need to clarify a few things.

-this person is not a friend of mine. the bride is our mutual friend, so that's our "relationship"...it's a lot less personal than some of the above posts seem to imply (ie that i'm screwing over a friend)

-our arrangement was that we were staying 2 nights, so if we roomed together, she's be responsible for one night, i'd be responsible for the second. she didn't overpay anything, and i was debating up until just a few days ago whether or not i was going to "pay" for my room by cashing in some of my spg points. i decided to save them for later, but the point i'm trying to make is that this was about each of us taking care of one night so that we could stay for 2 nights for the cost of one. she knew my form of payment was going to be either cash or points, but it didn't matter cause however i paid for "my" night was up to me, and same for her. she chose to pay with cash for her night. i don't know how anyone is implying that i may have made money off of this...it's very simple: the charge was $200/night. we stayed 2 nights. she paid me $200. one of the nights was comped ($200). i still paid $200 on my credit card for the non-comped night. where am i making profit here??

-it was implicit that there was no true splitting of the bill--we were responsible for our own charges. since i brought my car and she didn't have one because she flew in, does she owe me half of the $44 for parking, cause that was on the bill--and if we're splitting the bill--by some arguments above i should be entitled to half of that from her, at least that's what it sounds like since any credit i received from the hotel should be split in half with her...

-re: "You feel they compensated by an amount that was double your share." i don't really understand what you mean...i'm just saying they compensated me $200 (room rate) for something that had nothing to do with her, only me, and it was none of her business what happened cause it didn't affect her or the room at all. there was no need for her to know, and she wasn't there all day b/c she was doing bridesmaid stuff so she and i didn't even see each other until the wedding that night.

if this were a $200 voucher i got or had and this was the method i planned on using to pay for my night of the two we were there, would that be any different?

and if we were on a plane together and a flight attendant spilled hot coffee on me and gave me a $200 voucher (or cash, let's say) to make up for it, do i give $100 of it to her because we're traveling together and sharing a flight reservation? does my compensation become her compensation just because i bought two tickets for the flight and put it on my credit card, and she wrote me a check for her seat? i don't think you'd be saying that i owe her anything just because we're sitting together and i agreed to buy the tickets and have her write me a check for her share...after all, that's in essence what happened here. and if she were in the bathroom while it all happened, i don't feel obligated to tell her that coffee was spilled on me and how i was compensated...if i wanted to, ok, but i don't HAVE to. if there were hot coffee on her seat and that it would be wet for the rest of the flight, then yeah, she ought to know what happened and in that case i'd feel that she deserved some of the compensation cause she had to be inconvenienced too as a result. but this whole thing had no impact or affect on her, and that's why i feel i don't "owe" her anything.

this was not a legal contract or an agreement with terms tied to it. it was a simple "i'll pay for the first night, you pay for the second, i'll make the reservation and put it on my credit card. when you arrive, just give me a check for one night." that was it. there was no "compensation clause" or discussion about what to do if this or that happened. i don't know...if her bed had some problem or her sheets were dirty and she went and complained, i can't see myself asking her "hey, how did they compensate you?" and then expecting her to give me half of it. if she complained and the hotel offered her something for her troubles, i wouldn't assume that i'm entitled to any of that when what she complained about didn't affect me and i did nothing while she went and complained.

yes, you can fault me for lying by omission because i didn't want to rub it in that i complained so well that i got a free night out of it while she had to pay for her share of the room. but we don't have a friendship to lose over this because we're not friends, and i'm not concerned about my reputation over this because no one knows about what happened. the folio didn't say "comped room" or show a credit...it was just a charge for one night instead of two. you can call me a cheapskate, but i'm living on disability right now, so don't be so judgmental. if my income were >$24,000 a year, fine, call me cheap. but it's not, and a true cheapskate wouldn't have stayed at the hotel at all considering i live in LA and the wedding was at a hotel was in LA. but out of consideration for the bride, i sucked it up and was a sport about it.

And now you're in a tougher spot because she has seen the bill. When you went to 'resolve' it at check out, did you say that would were going to actually pay the correct amount? And did she believe that?

So how do you go back and explain what really happened without looking like a total schmuck? I'm leaning toward dropping it...save face. Don't say anything...BUT...you owe her a nice dinner (or something comperable in price to one night of the hotel room).

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I totally disagree with most of the posters here.

It's NOT good fortune. You complained about something that affected only you and didn't bother the other person. You were given a discount, not the other person, who didn't seem to mind.

So far as I'm concerned, the discount goes to you, and you should consider that your half of the bill.

If she is not a friend than just keep it. Don't even try to explain the situation. It was compensation for YOUR problem. Like I said in my post above, the only reason to share it is because her perception on the situation is different than yours. But if her opinion doesnt matter than you have nothing to worry about.

BTW, What was it that you complained about, if you don't mind sharing?

Sorry if I'm wrong, but it seems that your mind is made up and you're just looking for support, but we don't know all the facts, even if you would now say we've been told all that we need to know.

First, this is what happens when you share an intimate or expensive thing (a hotel room) with someone other than a friend. If I can't even be honest and open with someone, why would I ever think of sleeping in the same room alone with them? Easy, I wouldn't. I do think you're being unethical because you're playing a non-disclosure game. If you're in the right, what harm can come from telling her? If it's embarassment, then we're back to this is what happens when you share an intimate or expensive thing with someone other than a friend.

Second, on the one hand, you say you don't care what she thinks, but on the other hand, you didn't want to rub it in her face that you were so good at getting compensation. But you say you don't care about your reputation. But you're hoping we can clear your conscience.

With what info we have, I'd have to say that it just doesn't seem like you fully sucked it up. If you're found out and she tells the bride, where will you stand? And if you don't care, then why get into the whole mess in the first place? And if you don't care, why even try to win us over?

It's a tangled web we weave...

(And the plane analogy doesn't fly either--it's two seats. If you were talking about a chartered Cessna, we'd be right back where we are now. I think one thing was shared, that one thing being a hotel room albeit for two nights.)

I know I was judgemental, too, but you've asked us to judge.

She paid $200. You paid nothing. THAT is where you are 'profitting'.

If there had been a leak in the room on HER 'paid' night, and they comped her 'night to pay' and charged you the full rate on 'your' night to pay, would you feel the same???

Do the right thing.

:)