Regulars? Prove it!
 

I've already been in trouble once from the 'powers-that-be' here at FlyerTalk, so keep it clean...

Post your best travelers joke or funny experience on an airline... don't be bashful, but please, keep it somewhat clean, thanks!

I'll start... I work for a discount carrier... we serve drinks and peanuts from daybreak to sundown... no meals, but you didn't pay an extra buck-thousand for a meal, capiche? So, I'm walking through the cabin, taking drink orders and a hispanic man who clearly spoke no English asked for Cheee-kan. Why that cracks me up? I have no idea. But I giggle uncontrollably to this day!

Health and Safety reminder: we do not go to the lavatories without our shoes on. Unless you're a barefoot and pregnant Britney Spears at a gas station... oh, no she didn't!

A good friend of mine once had an incident on her taxi into the gate... she was minding her business on her jumpseat as the lead said the "welcome to Dallas" announcement. All of a sudden, a lot of call bells started going off at mid-cabin. My friend jumped up, thinking it was an emergency as that's how emergencies generally go... she noticed a patch of sunlight across the midcabin floor that is not normally there. When she got to mid-cabin she found the emergency exit door had been pulled off and all passengers were pointing to an otherwise well dressed businessman headed out the exit. My girlfriend tried to catch him, but ended up with one solitary button from his white shirt. The man dove out the exit, slid down the wing and was promptly attacked and battered by the Rampers. Talk about an interesting day at work.


As told to me by a Captain in rare form...

What do Pilots use for birth control?
--their personalities


What seperates people from the lowest form of life?
--The Cockpit Door


Okay, your turn... I never hear enough! Send a girl some good stories! I have more to be revealed as the thread goes on- I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours...

So what happens when someone pulls off the emergency exit door? I can't imagine you can just stick it back on and fly right away?

That was too funny, I would have loved to have seen it...

Since this is about travel jokes not frequent flyer miles, MilesBuzz probably isn't the place for it. I'll move it to TravelBuzz.

Regards,
Gary
aka gleff
MilesBuzz moderator

Which is on which side?

Everyone's heard the "Bad potato! Bad potato!" story, right?

DRATS!?! I've done it again... Thank you Gary Moderator for relocating me, I was hired for my beauty, not my brains. As for Chorn, don't be silly... the good girls are on YOUR side of the cockpit door... uh... unless you're a Pilot, and then you KNOW you have to giggle at that joke or be served cold coffee. Guv1976... I have NOT heard that story... I thought I had heard it all!? As, I have been relocated, please send it in a personal message if you must. I'd like to have a giggle too. In regards to the rest of you on this "Miles related" Forum- Please keep flying so I keep getting a paycheck! Smooches travelers! There are many among us who still Luv you!

Sincerely, Susie Stewardess

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :confused:

TVM...my screen is covered in spewed Starbucks now. :D

It seems that there was this very demanding, complaining passenger in first class. When dinner was served, the entree was accompanied by a baked potato. The passenger found some fault with the potato (overcooked? undercooked?) and in a whiny voice said to the flight attendant, "Miss! My potato's bad." At which point, the F/A picked up the offending potato, placed it in the palm of one hand, and with the other hand slapped the potato twice, saying "Bad potato! Bad potato!" She then placed the potato back on the passenger's plate, and moved on to attend to the other passengers.

What is the difference between a jet engine and an F/A

At least the engines stops whining when you get to the gate.





If you show me a pregnant F/A......I will show you a pilot to lazy to masturbate.



We have some of the best F/A here at XXX Airlines.....to bad none of them are on the flight today.

Long, but my all time favorite
 

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times! It is quite hilarious.

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman


Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid


Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won’t need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn’t remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty


Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.


E. Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don’t get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That’s the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you,

E. Smith, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets. S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess: On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3. - On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, - 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. – Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. - On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. - On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.

One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman

Assuming that's WN, do you do any funny announcements?

:eek:

When the OP is "Omni-qualified", there is no doubt that she will have an abundance of musings and stories to share. This thread is so-o OMNI and I'm sorry that I can not move to that forum as the OP would not be able to follow.
I sincerely hope that the OP will contribute lots of valuable information about miles and points and airlines based on personal and anecdotal experience. Look forward to further contributions by the OP. Having said all of this..I'm locking this one up.
Obscure2k
TravelBuzz Moderator