Relationships
 

Guys,
Just a totally off the ball question but how do all of you handle travelling while trying to maintain a relationship i travel every week and now it beginning to take its toll on the relationship.

Tony

I suppose the first thing is trust. In my case, my gf came with me a few times and got to know the people I knew in the other locations. That put her mind at rest. Also I took care that I always had my mobile with me and on so she could call at any time. I think there is nothing worse than becoming careless and letting your battery run flat and meanwhile you're partner can't get through - causing her to wonder what you're up to. It depends a bit on her social life and where you go - but if you're a western guy and spending anytime in infamous cities (eg Bangkok) you can be sure what her friends are telling her. So if you take steps to head this off and everything you say "just adds up" in her mind then at least the trust thing won't be a problem. Try to involve her in your work a bit - ie telling her about your meetings, what went well and what didn't. Then she will be more apart of this part of your life.

Next issue is just the time thing. Just try and set aside some time when you're back. I think even non travelling couples go through periods of not seeing each other much because of long work schedules. If you're travelling alot - especially over weekends it should be possible to have extra time off to compensate. If its really that difficult, you need an end in sight - eg "the next 6 months will be impossible, but when the projects finished then I'll be based here for a while".

Looking back I don't think I've ever had a relationship fail because of the travelling thing. Usually that was just a catalyst for what was going to happen anyway. Maybe you should consider whether the problem really is just the travelling.

And... if all else fails.... (I sincerely hope it doesn't)... find a woman that travels alot too. After a break up I met a purser with an "international airline" and obviously she was travelling all the time. It was great fun sitting around planning schedules and rendez-vousing in different locations.

I would give you my opinions, but I would probably be accused of trolling again, and then suspended/banned.

M8

I don't think there's an easy answer. Taking the wife/gf with you now and then might do the trick. I've been on site with a colleague who had to leave early because his significant other had stopped answering the phone. I guess it all depends on the none travelling partner; some are ok with it, some are not ok with while others try very hard to be ok with it while not actually being ok with it.

I have another colleague who perhaps only travels 2-3 times a year and he thinks the "me" time this gives both of them is good for the marriage. Any more time than this though and he's well and truly in the dog house back home.

Travel is bad for relationships -- it's as simple as that. You can try to compensate, but you can never get away from the fact that it's a corrosive factor.

For me the best strategy is total information. I give my wife and family as much notice as possible of trips, even potential trips. I make it clear that I am minimizing nights away from home, to the point of favoring redeyes instead of day-before flights in order to have as much home time as possible.
And I always write out a detailed itinerary (flight times, hotels, phone numbers, etc.) for the kitchen counter so my family knows exactly where I am. Yes, they can reach me via cell phone most anytime anyway, but it's symbolic.)

Also, if my flight numbers change, I always call home and notify my wife. These days it's important that she know exactly what flights to be concerned about if news bulletins start to roll in.

You may also want to do a search... there are a number of great and extensive threads on this subject over the past few years.

William

From the perspective of the one left behind, I found that the hardest times apart where when contact was limited. Years ago, my DH was in the Navy and I would ususally go about 3 weeks with no contact, then about a dozen letters would show up. Then 3 more weeks and maybe a phone call if they hit port. So during a 6 month deployment - contact was very sketchy. It was brutal.

Now we have email! And cell phones! And no more 180+ deployments. He's no longer active duty.

Seriosly - keeping whoever is staying home in mind is very important. When you are travelling, while it seems boring and mundane to you, can seem very exotic to the one staying behind. I think the idea of taking someone on a trip with you is great. Maybe set a consitent time of when you can check back in like before bed time or after breakfast. That is the one thing that really helps us now - even if I can't reach DH during the day due to meetings etc, I can count on our 9 pm catch up call. It really helps us both as he feels less pressure to answer a call if it comes in and I know that still have contact.

As for the things you might miss out on when you are gone - well encorage the one whose at home to carry one as if you were there. Maybe both go see the same movie on the same night and call to talk about it later. Read the same book and discuss. Don't expect the one who stays home to not go to concerts, restaurants or museums without you. They will feel resentful of having to put their lives on hold every week while you are gone.

It is hard to make a relationship with separations work. After all, you are in a relationship for a reason. As you can see, this side was brought to you by a wife who stays behind. A husband who stays behind might have other issues they want addressed. I just thought you might like the insight.

I posed a similar question from a different perspective a while back in this thread. The way I posed the question got very different responses, mostly detailing relationship success rather than failure.

most of my relationships disolved due to my traveling (that is what I tell myself, anyway). I married the woman who was able to handle it.

Marry an FA like I did...
 

..when shes away as much as me, she can hardly complain :D
My wife has not been an FA for 6 years now so the way I keep her happy is by taking her on 2-3 really nice vacations/yr. using all the points I've accumulated on flights/hotels. So far in 2006 we've gone to hawaii for 2 weeks, going to italy/cyprus for almost 2 weeks and in december will be in costa rica for 10 days. This puts some perspective on at least one upside of all my travelling.

Guess I'm in a rather rare position...but-for travel, my relationship would not exist. GF and I met whilst I was living in Edinburgh pursuing an LLB & Diploma in Legal Practice and she was there on a 1-term exchange program from Vanderbilt University. We hit it off, and when it came time for her to return to Nashville, I promised I would visit her once a month, at least. At the time, she didn't believe me...but 3 years and a few 100,000 FF miles on CO later, we're still together and quite happy. Luckily, coach transat trips during the school year tended to be relatively cheap (500-600 on average), and as I had no Friday classes, I would usually skip a Thursday or Monday (to alternate the groups of classes I was skipping) and fly out to Nashville for a long weekend about once every three weeks.

Now I'm living in Houston preparing to attend american law school, and she in New Orleans attending LSU Med (until the Med School got moved to Baton Rouge after Katrina...for this year, at least). So traveling back and forth is easier and cheaper (I now average seeing her every other weekend). This summer she will be attending summer school in Omaha, so I'll have yet another city to regularly commute to (Doubt I'll enjoy the trips to OMA as much as the ones to MSY).

Like I said, 3 years on and we're still happy...and have plans to marry after our respective grad school courses are complete (thankfully we'll finish school at the same time). Until then, Guess I'll just keep racking up the miles on my bi-monthly visits.

She also doesn't complain about the nice vacations we take in BusinessFirst using all the miles I've racked up :cool: