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A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night
training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor,
separating the tail boom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids,
sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of
sparks. As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was
overheard

Tower "Sir, do you need any assistance?"

Cobra "I don't know, tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!"

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The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to
make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide
spacing between aircraft).

The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two
thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?"

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me
four thousand dollars worth!"

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PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called
the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a
little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first."

The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United 586 had a
chance to object to the impersonation!

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A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with
his approach speed just a little too high.

Tower "American 751 Heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not
able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Hiway 101 back to the
airport."

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A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's
flying and about flying when he's with a woman.

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It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was
being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at
Kansas City

KC Approach "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727,
one o'clock and three miles."

Three-two-Charlie "We've got him. We'll follow him."

KC Approach "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu,
eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"

Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl)
"Well......I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if
it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

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Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on 124.7."

Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure...by the
way, as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far
end of the runway."

Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7...did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff...and yes,
we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

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O'Hare Approach Control "United 329, traffic is a Fokker, one
o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."

United 329 "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got
that Fokker in sight."

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