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-   -   Don't stand, don't stand so close to me! (https://www.flyertalk.com/forum/travelbuzz/1898355-dont-stand-dont-stand-so-close-me.html)

ProleOnParole Mar 14, 2018 4:46 am


Originally Posted by rumbataz (Post 29514147)
Over the past few weeks I've noticed an interesting phenomena at airport check-in and boarding queues. In some parts of the world there is no concept of personal space and some people have no issue pressing up right against you in the queue!

Even as I've moved forward to create a gap, the person behind insists on pressing up against me.

It seems to be a particular issue on my current weekly travel as I've not noticed it in other parts of the world. What are your views on how to handle physical contact in queues where it may be the norm for one person but isn't the norm for you.

The way to respond to this is to do the same thing they do but just more of it. This can initially be a difficult concept as it's the exact opposite of how a polite person would react in such a situation, i.e. move away, as you did. Unfortunately, as you have discovered, you can never move away enough as it only invites more of the same behavior.

You can be polite when people around you are likely to reciprocate but in "some parts of the world" where this concept hasn't really taken in, simply bump into these people the way they bump into you, just harder, and then rinse, repeat, and eventually it will be them moving away from you. If you want to attain real mastery in the subject, you should also learn to (i) use objects as obstacles to create a buffer zone between you and other people, and (ii) take up much more space than you initally need so that you can release some of it later if you really have to, and still keep more than enough to yourself. The real perfection comes with the strategic use of a backpack (no matter how crowded it is, never take it off). Most importantly though, you just have to temporarily unlearn responding politely to people pushing you.

An important disclaimer though is to always have plausible deniability. For starters, it is always a mistake to maintain eye contact. Whatever you do, make it look as if it happens accidentally. On the positive side, this really makes you appreciate all the politeness you might have hitherto taken for granted when you go back home. Meanwhile though, good luck in the jungle!

Annalisa12 Mar 14, 2018 5:50 am


Originally Posted by Babaduck (Post 29522657)
I was in AMS last year, queuing in one of the airport stores to buy a bottle of water - my colleague was in front of me also queuing. Next of all, the gentleman behind me decides to rest his Starbucks cup IN MY HAIR! He was also closer to me than a lot of dates I've been on... European, middle aged and definitely should have known better. I turned and asked him if he'd mind removing the cup and staying just a little bit behind me. Apparently "it has been a very long day and I'm tired". I really didn't give a crap at this stage, having had a 3am alarm call for another glamorous daytrip and suggested that an elbow's length of space would work marvellously...

Colleague nearly fell into the counter laughing and still thinks I was rude to call him out on it. Little does she know...

nothing wrong with pointing that out

invisible Mar 14, 2018 7:20 am


Originally Posted by ProleOnParole (Post 29522921)
The real perfection comes with the strategic use of a backpack

When such kind of smarta$$ comes to a crowded bus (example - singapore-johor causeway bus - if you have been once on it, you'll understand) and stands next to me, I tap on his (it is always a male) shoulder and politely but firmly tell: 'please put your backpack on floor, thank you'. Almost all of them do it with saying 'sorry'. Only once an a-hole pretended that he did not understand English and when his backpack hit my face second time, I squeezed his shoulder saying: 'Your backpack. On floor. Now!' I did not need to repeat third times.

At Singapore MRT and Tokyo Metro you will see signs - 'backpacks on floor'- that's especially for those challenged ones. Fortunately, most of people do have courtesy.

Arctic Troll Mar 14, 2018 7:37 am

I weight 200lbs, so an "accidental" step backwards on to their foot normally makes my point very clear.

ProleOnParole Mar 14, 2018 7:41 am


Originally Posted by Arctic Troll (Post 29523376)
I weight 200lbs, so an "accidental" step backwards on to their foot normally makes my point very clear.

That's the spirit!

Badenoch Mar 14, 2018 8:12 am


Originally Posted by Arctic Troll (Post 29523376)
I weight 200lbs, so an "accidental" step backwards on to their foot normally makes my point very clear.

I mentioned up thread that I "accidentally" do the same. The only downside is the crowding is often replaced by crying.

Annalisa12 Mar 14, 2018 11:35 am

I hate public transport crowds. Always some pervert standing too close.

rbwpi Mar 14, 2018 5:48 pm


Originally Posted by Annalisa12 (Post 29524474)
I hate public transport crowds. Always some pervert standing too close.

As someone wisely stated "The major drawback to public transportation is the public.".

KDS777 Mar 14, 2018 8:32 pm


Originally Posted by Annalisa12
I hate public transport crowds. Always some pervert standing too close.

Seems like you've been on the Tokyo subway before.

darthbimmer Mar 14, 2018 9:44 pm


Originally Posted by Peoriaman1 (Post 29515204)
The opposite side of this coin are the people who stand in line as far back as they possibly can behind the person in front of them.

Yeah, I'm always amused at people who apparently grew up in the Midwest, where space is cheap and abundant, and have since moved elsehwere-- whether to overseas countries with different traditions of personal space or merely to crowded coastal US cities. Picture this simple situation: You're in a fast food type restaurant. The door is 10 feet back from the counter. One customer is ordering at the counter. The next customer queues up eight feet back to give the first customer "room". Then two more customers walk enter. Now we're all standing on top of each other at the back of the waiting area, with space for at least four people in an orderly queue going unused in front of us. All because some clown is afraid of "crowding". Step forward or get out of the way.

rumbataz Mar 15, 2018 2:21 am


Originally Posted by Annalisa12 (Post 29524474)
I hate public transport crowds. Always some pervert standing too close.

I'm a bloke and I also wonder about the motives of people pressed up against me! There are lots of perverts around who relish large crowds to fulfil their deviant urges.

Uncle Nonny Mar 15, 2018 6:49 pm


Originally Posted by Annalisa12 (Post 29518330)
They do that to me in the bank queue and it drives me nuts. Back off and don't stand so close. This is my own country.


How many EQMs before you get your own country?

Katamarino Mar 19, 2018 5:53 am


Originally Posted by lhrsfo (Post 29521369)
When I was young, everyone in London queued in a neat and orderly fashion for the bus. Now, people cluster anywhere and there's an unseemly scrum as the bus arrives. And, yes, you need sharp elbows if you want to board first. Cultures do change.

In London I suspect it's less cultures changing, and more other less polite cultures crowding out the earlier one.

gobluetwo Mar 19, 2018 8:21 am


Originally Posted by darthbimmer (Post 29526519)
Yeah, I'm always amused at people who apparently grew up in the Midwest, where space is cheap and abundant, and have since moved elsehwere-- whether to overseas countries with different traditions of personal space or merely to crowded coastal US cities. Picture this simple situation: You're in a fast food type restaurant. The door is 10 feet back from the counter. One customer is ordering at the counter. The next customer queues up eight feet back to give the first customer "room". Then two more customers walk enter. Now we're all standing on top of each other at the back of the waiting area, with space for at least four people in an orderly queue going unused in front of us. All because some clown is afraid of "crowding". Step forward or get out of the way.

I just ask them if they're standing in line to order. If not, they usually move away. If yes, they usually move closer to the counter which is the desired outcome. If yes, but they don't move, I say something like, "Oh, I see. It didn't look like you were in line, but I didn't want to be rude and just step up to the counter in front of you." That gets them moving.

wendyg Mar 19, 2018 8:27 am

In Britain I've always been amazed that no matter how much space there is around me the person who walks past will always bump into me. There's a clustering thing that goes on here.

wg


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