Richard Chen

I was writing my last post about millennials changing travel when a search revealed no threads about parents who were frequent travelers but now due to new family obligations cannot.

Guilty questions include:
Am I a bad parent for wanting to travel?
Do I dare admit thus piss off the spouse (presuming s/he has priorities set better)?
Do I have my priorities in life wrong?
What can I do to ease fernweh?
Isn't traveling without spouse rife for fidelity-image problems (even if none are real)?
Might I make it intact to last kids' age 18 before returning to travel?

FlyerTalk's formerly affiliated MegaDO's (last was SkyMegaDO1) introduced me to such a powerful community with whom I still either cam connected individually or ache to be a part of again but can't due to priorities. I volunteered with Map&Move to give back to said feeling but which parents here know the struggle?

thebakaronis

My responses:

1. No, you're not a bad parent for wanting to travel.
2. Been there, done that.
3. No.
4. It never goes away.
5. Yes, I've heard a lot of comments, but I don't give a damn.
6. Probably not, but they can always go to therapy.

ajGoes

My parents infected me with the travel bug from the tender age of three when they borrowed a heavy canvas tent, loaded the family into their new '57 Chevy station wagon, and drove from southwest Ohio to Prince Edward Island and back for a long summer vacation. We drove to Los Angeles the next summer. By the time I was eleven I'd been across Canada to see the Seattle World's Fair, crossed the Atlantic on a (small) ocean liner, spent two summers camping in Europe (from London to Moscow), and been to most of the United States. My sister was four years old the first time we spent a summer living in a VW Camper in Europe.

It has to be more difficult to achieve this sort of thing in today's economy, where it's hard to get by without two incomes — but your kids will only benefit from whatever travel they can experience.

84fiero

Having children need not stop anyone from traveling. My kid is 22 now and out of the house but being parents never stopped us from traveling. We simply took her along with us on family vacations all around the world - typically 2-3 trips a year. Of course we adjusted where we went and what activities took place based on age and interests, but it definitely didn't mean an 18-year hiatus. She got infected with the travel bug too and I like to think it enriched her life getting to see and do so many things. She's a skilled independent traveler of her own now. (And I'm grateful to what I learned here in helping to make all those family trips affordable.)

My parents raised me with an enjoyment of travel as well. So did both sets of grandparents, especially my maternal grandparents.

Which isn't to say there is anything wrong with deciding to scale back travel for a time during child-rearing, if that's what the parents decide they want to do. As to differences in each spouse's desires and preferences - just have to work through any of that regardless of the subject (travel, money, house, etc) - sometimes easier said than done, to be sure, but not unique to travel.

darthbimmer

It's too simplistic to equate "I have kids now" with "No more traveling until they're grown & gone." You can travel with family; you'll just need to adjust when, where, and how you travel to include them.

BTW, the way you write you're implying that your spouse has completely ruled out travel. If that's the situation that's something you need to find better mutual agreement on.

gaobest

Redhead

I'm a single parent to a 6yo:

Am I a bad parent for wanting to travel?
Asolutely not. Get your kid addicted early

Do I dare admit thus piss off the spouse (presuming s/he has priorities set better)?
I'm single, so can't comment

Do I have my priorities in life wrong?
Do you keep your kid healthy and happy? I assume yes, so then no. Travel is a GOOD thing for kids.

What can I do to ease fernweh?
When you find a cure, tell me

Isn't traveling without spouse rife for fidelity-image problems (even if none are real)?
Again, single, but I travelled alone when in a serious relationship. So long as your spouse trusts you, do you care what others think? Communication is key

Might I make it intact to last kids' age 18 before returning to travel?
Why wait? I do travel differently now but we still travel. She got her passport at 8 weeks of age.

StartinSanDiego

Travel and parenting do not exist in separate vacuums. Nor does your significant other. Yes, accommodating others, especially wee others, makes travel more challenging, but why aren't you planning family trips to cure your wanderlust? We hauled our kids around, sometimes left them at home, and sometimes left each other at home. There's no right or wrong way to orchestrate it all. Bring them along with you on your travels.

Athena53

I was "benched" for quite awhile after I had DS- partly because he was little and partly because my first husband was a spendthrift and if I wanted to save for retirement there was no money for the European travel I longed to do. Fortunately, I had a job that involved some travel but not too much- even better, I worked for companies that had offices outside the US. I still remember landing after a flight from Brussels, picking up DS, who was 1 1/2 at the time, and taking him to the grocery store. Weird day. My professional society met in wonderful places- either resorts such as the Boca Raton, or major cities. So, I got out a little. I even took DS to a conference in Bermuda when he was 12, and we went to Montreal twice, once driving from NJ.

My second husband and I traveled a LOT because we both loved it. He died in 2016 and I'm still visiting new-to-me countries and going back to places we loved. This past week I took my 5-year old granddaughter on the plane from DSM to ORD, we stayed 2 nights in the Hilton so she could watch the activity at the airport across the street, and we went into the city. I just got her an AAdvantage account.

Anyway- that's my story. The urge to travel doesn't go away but you can still do it on business, with your spouse and kids and later after the kids are out of the house. And travel is REALLY good for kids- they learn so much.

CDTraveler

Why would you need to wait until last kid turns 18 to return to travel? My kid has had a passport continuously since he was 3 months old. Granted, with our budget now sometimes travel is a 90 mile road trip to a historic town and a motel with a great pool, but for us travel is about seeing something new, having different experiences - like a 3 hr bike ride on a converted canal trail, visiting historic sites, trying different food, instead of just racking up miles (heresy here, I know).

As for travel and spouse, that's between the two of you. Nobody else knows what happens in your marriage but you.