StiltonCheesewright

Hi all,
New member, so apologies if others have already recounted similar stories, but I wanted to share an experience that happened some years back and ask for your collective advice as to how I should've handled it.
I was flying SAN-DCA (I think, might've been Dulles) on a Friday afternoon and got stuck in the middle seat in coach on a full flight. Fair enough, it happens. I had a lot of work reading to do and was planning on using the long flight to plow through it.
Guy on my right sits down and immediately flops his arm onto the armrest between us and does the full manspread, pushing his legs well over into my space. He's about my size (6', 180#ish), maybe 6-8 years younger, possibly new to business travel but I may be mistaken, nothing immediately apparent that would indicate a physical need to expand beyond a normal economy seat. I thought it was obnoxious but wasn't that bothered and went back to my reading.
About an hour into the flight he gets up, and I took advantage of his absence to shift in my seat a bit and to put my arm on the armrest. He comes back and violently - and clearly intentionally - knocks my arm off the armrest and jams his knee into my leg.
Words are exchanged, increasingly loudly.
There is no way the FAs missed this (the surrounding passengers certainly didn't), but they are nowhere to be seen.
At this point, it looks like we are headed for a semi-violent confrontation in the early stages of a 5-hour flight.
What do I do?
Summon the FA and ask to be switched? Remember - no open seats available.
Summon the FA and report an assault? Best case they take the guy off in cuffs in DC, alternative case we get diverted and everyone is delayed.
Accuse him loudly of fondling my thigh?
Spill my hot coffee accidentally into his lap?
Curious how you all would have dealt with this.


What actually happened was that we spent the rest of the flight locked into a kind of cold war, with knees and elbows jammed against each other right on the imaginary border between the seats, with neither side advancing or retreating an inch. No actual violence ensued.

manderson99

I don't have input on the substance of your post, but I love your user name. A fellow Plum fan!

StiltonCheesewright

Right ho!

Westcoaster

As a short woman I might be coming at this from a different angle but I'll tell you what I did in a somewhat similar situation. My husband and I took our seats in a theater for a play. Shortly afterwards a man who was maybe 5' 9" took his seat on my right and immediately did the manspread bit, moving his left leg well over into my leg space. He also commandeered the armrest. I quietly asked him to give me my leg space, indicating the imaginary line stretching out from the armrest with my hand. He complied, a bit surprised apparently that I'd said something about it. We then made a deal about sharing the armrest. Tension diffused.

Did you try talking with the man about how you two could best share the tight space?

StiltonCheesewright

There was a bit of that, but it was only after the situation was escalating, and by that point it wasn't what you'd call a polite conversation. That's how we ended up crammed against each other along the invisible boundary for the rest of the flight. It probably would've been better to make a courteous but firm request as soon as he sat down.

Hvr

Falsely accusing someone of sexual assault is never acceptable. Sadly, women have trouble being believed when sexually assaulted, a false accusation doesn't further your cause at all.

You had plenty of legitimate reasons to complain so straight to the FA and let them deal with it.

rickg523

I go with the attempt at agreement. "Can't we share this space equally? Imagine a line down the middle of the armrest and extend it. Your side. My side. How 'bout it?"
His response guides my next move. If he's a jerk, yep, accidents will happen, things will get strategically spilled. "Wow, sorry. Just think. If we'd agreed about space sharing, your pants would be dry."
Now I'm a guy, so I'd be expecting a jerk to try and get physical, or threaten it at least. If I read your post correctly, you're a lady, and if the jerk went down that road with you, it would end really badly for him. No guarantee he wouldn't, of course. Low Impulse Control is a modern epidemic. But that would only make it even worse for the idiot.

zitsky

Did I read you right? This happened years ago and you're just now asking for advice? If you really must know, I think you should have just lived with it and not been so childish about it.

StiltonCheesewright

Sorry for the lack of clarity, rickg, male also. Which is why he and I were both so quick to get into it, I'm sure.

Noted. I wasn't on FlyerTalk then, but shared it with colleagues for their advice - they were much less gracious than folks here. I post it now only for my own edification and your entertainment.

zitsky

To be fair to you, I would have taken "my space". But I would have been passive agressive about it. I just wouldn't say anything.

FirstInFlight

I think I sat next to that same jerk on an ATL-SEA flight a decade ago. We discovered somewhere over Nebraska that I was stronger (or at least more willing to hold the line).

I haven't seen him again since then but hope that after your flight his deep seated anger issues led to an early retirement.

pinniped

Middle Seat gets dibs on armrest. Aisle Guy gets to sprawl out into the aisle...just watch out for the drink cart. I would have quietly defended my turf, but would not have thrown a tantrum getting you diverted to Oklahoma or something. If a flight got diverted for such a thing, I have a feeling the cops would want to talk to *both* parties involved, and the plane would be heading onward without you.

That said, Aisle Guy sounds like a total d-bag. I had to live with someone seatpoaching an E+ seat right next to me yesterday, as an FA watched and did nothing, but decided it wasn't worth making a huge issue about it. I figure karma will eventually catch up to d-bags.

rickg523

Oops, it was the "fondling my thigh" that I got wrong.
Exposing some work I need to do on stereotypical thinking.
But my approach is still the same. Always directly and neutrally address the issue to start and let him choose whether that works or whether it's going to be an awkward flight. I personally find messing with jerks amusing, so I'm good either way.

StuckInYYZ

My suggestion would be to talk to the guy first. Try to share the space. But if he got belligerent, then call out to a FA. And if they persisted, keep going to the FA. The point is to avoid the violence.

chollie

When I get a knee spreader, I put on my headphones, pick the right moment, close my eyes and cross my ankle over the opposite knee, so that the sole of my shoe is in line with the edge of my seat.

Nobody wants to rub their trouser leg or bare leg (if wearing shorts) against the sole of someone else's shoe. Especially if you just came back from the bathroom and it's looking dire.