Really had high hopes for this thread...

Stopped at security.

- Do you have any liquids in there ?
- Certainly not.
- Are you sure ?
- Yes, no liquids at all.
- Care to let me open your bag ?
- Go ahead, but I tell you, there's nothing in there for you. I pack carefully.
Agent plunges in bag and returns triumphant with a pack of hot dog sausages. I do groceries with my carry on while i travel, mind you.

In the wine bar in Rome's Termini station, the one that had the swipe card sampling stations, we sat at the bar and ordered a couple of glasses of wine.

The barmaid put snacks, plates of olives and bread etc, in front of us. A little further down the bar, she put out a plate of prosciutto.

"Oh yum" said my wife and reached down the bar to pick up a piece ...
... much to the surprise of the woman sitting there who had ordered it for herself.

My wife is generally impervious to embarrassment but she blushed bright red that time, and everyone in the bar was laughing, including her ungallant husband.

"I'm good" in the UK still usually means "I'm good" as in "I'm virtuous" or "I'm very skilled at what I do" as in FIGJAM. If you mean "I'm OK", you say "I'm fine" or "I'm well" if the subject is your health but best to just say "No thanks" when refusing a sprinkle, no matter how virtuous or skilled you are ...

I had booked a CDG-ARN-CDG flight while not completely sober one night on the other side of the world. I made it up to Stockholm for midsummer no problem. As I was trying to head back to Paris, I couldn't get the self-check in kiosk to work. I went to the SAS desk, and it was then that I discovered I had booked my return flight for JULY 23rd, not June 23rd. All other *A flights with or without connections from ARN to CDG were zeroed out that day in Y. The best she could do was charge me like 1,200 euro for a business ticket, which was now going to happen. I ran over the DY counters and bought a 1-way ARN-CDG about 40 minutes before departure. Managed to check my bag, get through security and board (flight left at the exact same time as the flight I thought I was on), so everything worked out ok, but I felt like a total moron. That was this summer, to date I have been on 93 flights in 2013, and it still baffles me how I could have made such a rookie mistake.

Not red in the face embarrassing but more look at this jacka**...

I went up to the gate for a CO flight from NY to Paris about 10 or so minutes before boarding and sat down to read a bit of my book (I think it was Just Kids)...well that sucked me right in and I didn't realize THE ENTIRE PLANE had boarded and they made the final boarding call before I looked up and realized I was the only person in the gate area and sitting about 20 feet away from the GAs who when I bolted up and lumbered on towards them gave me a "What's this guy's malfunction?" look.

Not to veer off on a different tangent (which in itself has a lot of potential) but this is a dream I had -- right up there with walking into class and it's the final exam, for which I haven't prepared; not clearing out my high school locker; and forgetting its combination.............

Wonder if it could be a common frequent flyer nightmare.

I have a similar one. I was in London with a couple American friends and a couple British friends at a restaurant, and we were talking about another mutual friend (who wasn't with us), named Johnny. I had to go to the restroom so I said "Speaking of Johnny, I'll be right back" - any American would take that as "I'm going to the john." My British friends burst out laughing and told me that over there, johnny means condom.

Speaking of restroom, the very first time I was in England - I hadn't even been there for an hour, when I went to the hotel to check in, my room wasn't ready and I had to wait in the lobby, but I had to piss like a racehorse, and I asked the lady at the check in counter, "Excuse me, where are the restrooms?" and I think she was genuinely confused by the word restroom, she was like "Uh, err, I'm not sure, I think there might be some across the street in that building". Eventually I found the sign in the lobby that said toilets. I guess restrooms isn't used over there? Although I'd think with enough American tourists, they'd know what it means. We know what loo means over here :D

They probably do now, but the word "toilet" is usually your best bet in any country, if you have to choose just one word .

Some department stores and institutional buildings in the UK did have rooms for resting called "rest rooms" with soft chairs and without facilities for pissing racehorses.

So, I've always wondered - is toilet also the word for the actual thing you go in, or is there another word? If I walked into a home improvement store in the states and asked an employee where the toilets are, I'd be directed to the plumbing department. If I did that in the UK, would they direct me to the plumbing department or the washrooms?

They'd direct you to the plumbing department or the toilets.

The toilet can be the room or the big white telephone itself.

Agree that toilet is the safest term. Water Closet also seems pretty common in much of Europe.

Was transiting MUC once and had a lot of time to spare. Hung out in the LH lounge, did a little duty free shopping, and eventually made my way to the gate to board my flight to ORD. Flight seemed to be boarding a bit earlier than I had expected, but still made it on time. I handed the BP to the GA and she informed me that this was the US flight to ORD by way of PHL, and that I needed to be on the non-stop UA flight to ORD. OOPS. As my flight was already boarding, she told me I'd have to run for it - from the far end of the North pier to the far end of the South pier! Carrying a duffle bag and backpack, it felt like an eternity running that distance. Got to the passport checker drenched in sweat and barely able to talk. Got through security easily enough and made it to the gate as general boarding was already underway. Arrived at my seat still sweaty, although no longer out of breath. Had 4 cups of water from the FA before finally settling down.

Turns out that I had just glanced at the departures board and happened to see the gate info for the wrong flight because the destination was flipping between ORD and PHL, and I had just happened to catch it while it was on ORD. The irony is that I decided to connect through MUC because I had heard connecting in FRA could be more of a challenge.

If you asked for the toilets in the UK they'd probably tell you they're for staff only. When you have to go in London, Waterstone's is your best friend.

John Lewis, Debenhams and M&S have public toilets. At least they do in NE Scotland. The remaining Waterstones here don't though, except perhaps in the one that has a Costa coffee shop upstairs. But then, any coffee shop has a toilet anyway.
"WC" yes; "Water Closet" no.

I usually try not to use the Lav for the more earthy moments, but nature was calling...got more than I bargained for and when I went to flush I called the FA button instead! She came and knocked on the door and asked if I was ok, I said all was fine, but she said he had to visually check and I had to open the door...FML.

I was so embarrassed -