The oaf beside me
 

We'll call him Bozo.

I'm sitting happily up front on a packed flight, wondering if the pax in the window seat next to me is going to make it. With minutes to spare, he comes bustling into the cabin, slamming the bins, storing his carry on and officiously directing his female companion to the seat behind him. He is big, loud and brash, dressed in flipflops, shorts and a Polo shirt that is inside out. I get up and he blunders to his seat, dropping on top of his pillow and blanket. There is a loud pop as the plastic enclosing the blanket bursts. He sat on top of them the whole flight.

I thought about offering to change seats with the companion, but didn't want to give up my aisle seat or sit behind someone who would surely ratchet his seat all the way back for the entire flight. Poor decision.

Bozo doesn't bother to turn to speak to his companion; rather, he faces forward and raises his voice. The whole cabin hears about his Learjet. Right. He powers up his laptop as the boarding door closes and spends several minutes banging away, then snaps it shut, shoves it carelessly partway into the seatback pocket and never secures the tray table, so it hangs halfway open. This arrangement remains in effect during taxi and takeoff. At no point in the flight does he ever fasten his seatbelt. The FAs fail to notice any of this.

Bozo can't be still. He is constantly moving, fidgeting, changing position. A great deal of the fidgeting involves rearranging his, um, equipment. He slows down while watching the movie, then resumes the fidgeting. Finally he shoves his hand down his shorts :eek: and drifts off to sleep, but is awakened almost immediately by the arrival of the snack basket. He eats his cookie with *that* hand. Bleah.

Landing is rough and bouncy. Bozo isn't bucked, of course, so he clutches the armrests and lets out a little yip of terror. I smile.

I flee the plane, reflecting that the quality of my future seatmates can only go up.

How long was this flight? Probably felt like hours (and maybe it was).

horrible. I saw next to a woman on a red eye recently who choose to take off her shoes. Her feet smelled like rancid cheese. I really wish that there was a way to address these kinds of things. Has anyone ever had any success without actually starting a conflict?

peachy_, you didn't specify whether the flight was going to LAS or it was departing LAS. Just curious.

How 'bout we call him something besides "Bozo?" :D

You must have ESP. Departing. :p

Four hour flight.

I hate it when my Lear jet is in the shop,and I have to fly commercial.

Feel better?

We have all had "bad seatmates" in both cattle class and first. There have been those with personal hygiene issues, loud talking, snoring, drunk, seatback slamming... the list goes on and on. You just happened to get a number at the same time. I know it feels good to vent, but the best you will probaby get is a little understanding from this group. Been there, done that.

The way I look at it is that 80% of my FC seatmates are really great people. The other 20% I forget real fast.

I had a pax directly in front of me that was farting and it was rancid. I jokingly mentioned to the FA it would be nice if she had some Febreeze. She actually brought me coffee grounds to place on the floor in front of me! She said that is what they do and it worked like a charm.

Not to seem like I'm picking on you, but, although this isn't necessarily standard "F" class behavior - - it's more like MegaBus behavior - - I'd say that perhaps you have a very low threshold for drama! :)

Actually, I thought it made a rather entertaining story, as well as putting some other, less offensive, behavior into perspective. Granted, I was not entertained at the time.

For the feet thing I find whispering to them softly, indicating you have a sensitive nose (even if you don't) stating that their feet smell and asking them nicely if they could put their shoes on. *Always* works for me and they usually end up apologizing numerous times.

Oh come on, you mean you don't complain and request compensation for this?

My Lear jet got repoed. You can watch the whole thing on an upcoming episode of Airplane Repo on Discovery channel. :cool:

At this point, I think that goes without saying, or "take it as read." Maybe he should put it in his sig: HVC, you know, High Voucher Customer.

David

Did anybody see mine? I forgot to pay the rent, and it ended up on "Storage Wars"!!! :D