Funniest thing you have heard from customs upon reentering your home country?
#46
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#47
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Rte 87/15 entrance into Canada from Vermont, 1999.
Customs guy: anything to declare?
Then-GF in driver's seat: no.
Customs guy: any drugs, ... (list follows)?
tGF: no.
Customs guy: any nuclear weapons?
tGF: yes.
Customs guy: okay, welcome to Quebec.
Customs guy: anything to declare?
Then-GF in driver's seat: no.
Customs guy: any drugs, ... (list follows)?
tGF: no.
Customs guy: any nuclear weapons?
tGF: yes.
Customs guy: okay, welcome to Quebec.
#48
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#49
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Not funny per se... Returning from Europe at O'Hare (lines were huge), the officer asked what I did for a living. When I gave him a twenty second overview he initated an extended series of questions how to break into that business, once he retired. He was truly interested and I can tell had thought about it in the past.
This went on for about five minutes, before he profusely thanked me for the insight and I was on my way. Felt kind of bad that with the snaking lines, the agent's personal agenda caused delays for others.
This went on for about five minutes, before he profusely thanked me for the insight and I was on my way. Felt kind of bad that with the snaking lines, the agent's personal agenda caused delays for others.
A few months later we encountered the same agent. This time he popped out of his booth to pop up the hood to see how Toyota had stuffed that big engine into that small SUV.
I was chuckling to imagine what the people lined up behind us must have thought was going on as he peered inside - maybe drugs or, even worse, Kinder Eggs.
Last edited by Fredd; Aug 1, 2012 at 10:25 am
#50
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Well and truely before 9/11, I had departed the US on my Australian passport (a mistake on my part) and returned using my American one. The Customs/Imigartation guy looked at my passport and said "How can you be coming back? You never left."
I smiled and said "If this is American and I never left, why are we talking to each other? Shouldn't I be over there?" (pointing to the customs lobby exits) He kind of looked at me for a second with his head literally tilted slightly to the side, and (obviouly putting the whole situation in the "too hard" basket) just said "Welcome home... From wherever." and handed me back my passport WITHOUT even stamping it.
I smiled and said "If this is American and I never left, why are we talking to each other? Shouldn't I be over there?" (pointing to the customs lobby exits) He kind of looked at me for a second with his head literally tilted slightly to the side, and (obviouly putting the whole situation in the "too hard" basket) just said "Welcome home... From wherever." and handed me back my passport WITHOUT even stamping it.
#52
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Ah CBP:
1) "Brunei and Indonesia? You went all the way from Asia to the Middle East?" me: "huh?" him: "Middle East. Brunei." me: "um, Brunei is in southeast asia near Indonesia." him: "Don't get smart with me, I know about the Sultan!"
2) After returning on an admittedly suspicious one-way from Cairo about a year ago: "what were you doing in Cairo? did you engage with any revolutionaries? plotting anti-government activities?"
*shakes head*
1) "Brunei and Indonesia? You went all the way from Asia to the Middle East?" me: "huh?" him: "Middle East. Brunei." me: "um, Brunei is in southeast asia near Indonesia." him: "Don't get smart with me, I know about the Sultan!"
2) After returning on an admittedly suspicious one-way from Cairo about a year ago: "what were you doing in Cairo? did you engage with any revolutionaries? plotting anti-government activities?"
*shakes head*
#53
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My countries visited included Afghanistan, and the agent asked, how's Afghanistan? I answered minimally, like "it's fine, I was there helping with the reconstruction." He said, "how are the girls?" "Great." He said, "I hear they have great beaches there."
I am not sure if he was (1) stupid, (2) just trying to be cute, (3) thinking that he was cleverly trying to catch me in a lie, as if I would have any reason to lie. (Maybe some combination of (1), and (2) or (3).)
I am not sure if he was (1) stupid, (2) just trying to be cute, (3) thinking that he was cleverly trying to catch me in a lie, as if I would have any reason to lie. (Maybe some combination of (1), and (2) or (3).)
#54
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flying into Canada on a regional jet:
Whom do you work for?
me: Mack Trucks
Did you bring a Mack Truck with you for sale in Canada?
In retrospect, I should have just answered "no" .....
Whom do you work for?
me: Mack Trucks
Did you bring a Mack Truck with you for sale in Canada?
In retrospect, I should have just answered "no" .....
#55
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I don't really think they have entire mountains of cocaine....
#56
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In my 20's, also a period when cigar smoking was at its peak recent popularity in general, flying home to the U.S. from Europe, I handed over my customs declaration and the guy looks at me as says "Which bag are the Cuban cigars in?" I laughed...he smiled and waved me on...
Semi-related to this topic: I was in Quebec over the weekend and heard that they just last week closed the final unguarded gate between the U.S. and Canada. I forget the town name but I guess they were having problems with a lot of petty crime around the area. (Obviously there are thousands of unguarded miles of border, but this was a street in a little town where you could drive back and forth without an immigration or customs check.)
#57
Join Date: May 2011
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I got into an argument with an immigration officer at Newark a few years ago all because he couldn't understand that US citizens could hold and travel on more than passport (all because I didn't have an entry stamp from the UK). It took 15 minutes of discussion before he'd let me pass.
#58
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Well and truely before 9/11, I had departed the US on my Australian passport (a mistake on my part) and returned using my American one. The Customs/Imigartation guy looked at my passport and said "How can you be coming back? You never left."
I smiled and said "If this is American and I never left, why are we talking to each other? Shouldn't I be over there?" (pointing to the customs lobby exits) He kind of looked at me for a second with his head literally tilted slightly to the side, and (obviouly putting the whole situation in the "too hard" basket) just said "Welcome home... From wherever." and handed me back my passport WITHOUT even stamping it.
I smiled and said "If this is American and I never left, why are we talking to each other? Shouldn't I be over there?" (pointing to the customs lobby exits) He kind of looked at me for a second with his head literally tilted slightly to the side, and (obviouly putting the whole situation in the "too hard" basket) just said "Welcome home... From wherever." and handed me back my passport WITHOUT even stamping it.
#59
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Maybe he was looking at a computer record or something. Don't know. All I can tell you is he knew that I hadn't left using my American passport, didn't know that I used my Aussie one and didn't seem to do much other than hand me back my passport.
#60
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Entering the UK, not my home country, but in any case...
Mid-April one year. Agent looked at our then 11 year old daughter with a very serious look on his face and said "shouldn't you be in school?" She jumped about 10 feet, poor thing.
Mid-April one year. Agent looked at our then 11 year old daughter with a very serious look on his face and said "shouldn't you be in school?" She jumped about 10 feet, poor thing.