Is it sexist or not?
 

I've just returned home to mother Moscow from a business trip in Yuzhno Sakhalinsk in the very far East of Russia (I guess only Anadyr, Magadan and Petropavlovsk Kamchatsky are further). I'm by no means a stranger to Russian behavioural idiosyncraticities on board e.g. obnoxiously clapping when the plane lands etc.


One thing that bugs me is the fact women will always want help getting their bags in/out of the overhead lockers, usually from men, which could be anything from a tiny granny literally unable to reach the lockers herself right through to a 20-something just looking at you as if to say "you're a man, you have to help me with my bag, it is your duty to do so" and everything in between. And believe me, this happens A LOT. I've even witnessed old ladies asking cabin crew to take their bags from the back of the plane to the front where they were sitting...big and heavy ones too...

Don't get me wrong, I quite often offer help to people struggling up/down stairs with suitcases/bags/prams etc, but out of sheer principle, I refuse to help others on board with the occasional exception. I'm fairly sure one should be able (within reason) to be able to put their bags in and out of the overhead lockers by themselves, and knowing what Russians are like for packing, they're fairly likely to try and put more in than they should.

I refused (in English rather than Russian) to help a woman who was faffing around with her bag looking around for a man to ask, which just happened to be me, to ask to help. Admittedly she was reasonably polite about it, but it was quite obvious she was capable of doing it herself, which she did in the end unaided. Another woman turned round at me in disbelief and translated the woman's request (I understood what she had said, just not how to respond appropriately in Russian) and explained my stance to this second woman, looking in utter disbelief that a man didn't help a woman.

Yes, one could very easily call me an a-hole, or selfish, or whatever, but hey. So...is this a sexist matter or not? Just bear in mind such a concept is kind of lost in Russia and many have firm ideas of what men and women SHOULD do, albeit a bit outdated for the west.

I am not surprised for this to be commonplace in Russia... I can't say what I would do in Russia, but my opinion changes depending on the case.

In London, people should get used to carry what they can carry, and yes I know waiting for checked luggage is annoying, and yes it is more expensive, but we are all different and we all have our burden to bear... The culture here is quite individualistic and while it is annoying that people delay trains by blocking doors for their own benefit, and don't volunteer their seats to those who need them... it seems to be the rule of the land.

In some other cultures, like in Japan, I would certainly consider helping other people as I know other people there would be also generous in their help if I needed it.

Russia is a country where the average female's expectation of chivalry doesn't seem to be dead, so I'm not the least bit surprised to hear that your refusal to assist (understandable from my westerner perspective) was received poorly.

As for is it sexist?... that's a very tough question to answer, and it all depends on one's frame of reference, one's culture, and the social norm's of one's country. I'm not Russian, but framed from the perspective of that country... I'm gonna guess the answer would be "no".

There is something about Russians and massive amounts of luggage/bags, though. The overheads on AMS-LED are full, every time, without fail, of duty free bags. Still, I recognize I'm privileged to come from a place where virtually nothing duty free is a product I can't get back home, nor is it ever cheaper than I can get it back home.

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Thanks..
Obscure2k
TravelBuzz Moderator

So where you draw a line then? There is one Russian proverb/expression - "Бьет - значит любит", even more - "бей бабу молотом, будет баба золотом" - I assume that you know Russian enough to understand. For the rest - these are two Russian proverbs. First - "He beats you - he loves you". Second - "hit woman with a hammer, she will turn into gold" - literal translation.

These (and other) proverbs are frequently used in speech and in practice as well. So... do you do the same 'when in Rome"?

This is not specifically about Russia, it's about the whole concept of assistance, I'm just basing this on my own experience here in Russia.

Thing is, I've been here long enough, I know what is expected and what isn't. I even offer help to those on the metro system for example, which I already mentioned in my original post, however, in my own personal experience, 9 times out of 10, when flying, most are simply too lazy or over self-entitled to move their bags themselves. I've made this point perfectly clear in my first post and I'm by no means trying to enforce my own expectations onto anyone. I'm standing by my own principles.

This. However, in the context of flying only, I'll quite happily refuse anyone's request bar the proverbial little old lady scenario. As for too much stuff...well, that's a no-sympathy vote from me.

Yeah, I don't know enough Russian to know proverbs...

I've already made my stance on the matter clear in my first post. Please refer back to that.

So, my question is, why do you care if it's sexist or not? You're either going to help or not (I too would be annoyed at able-bodied people demanding assistance for things they should be able to do themselves- I was raised with the family rule of "you can bring whatever you want but you carry your own stuff"). It doesn't really matter if it's considered sexist in Russia - it is what it is and it bothers you.

There’s an economic factor in all of this. In most regions in Russia women travel with more baggage than they can handle. They transport various things for their relatives. Most of it happens on trains however. An old lady can carry a large bag full of things she wants to bring to someone else. It happens occasionally on planes, however I rarely see women complain that no one helps them. You make it sound as if it happens on every flight. Maybe so. Any case, it’s a cultural and economic thing.

I'm aware of all of this. I'm no fool in this matter. But trains are not quite as limited in space as aircraft are. And as a matter of fact, perhaps I'm just unlucky, the barrage of requests (slight exaggeration) DOES happen to me on every flight I take!