theonion.com: The Vanguard Of Security Technology
 

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My favorite:

Using an ultrasonic frequency imperceptible to the conscious mind, the FAA will broadcast the audiobook of Marley And Me in an effort to subliminally warm would-be terrorists’ hearts.

nrg

Did they get a leaked copy of Blogger Bob's "Armed with Science" articles?

:D

TSA may start investing in this "new" technology. :rolleyes:

Most of what The Onion suggests is similar to current procedures. Do The Onion and TSA share the same think tank?

I'd laugh, but they seem all too accurate, really.

Well, except for the part about MMW scanners heating soup for passengers.

When I was in training at the Navy's Nuclear Power Training Unit near Saratoga Springs, one of the pranks we wanted to pull at the end of our training was for a senior (graduating) trainee to take a group of new trainees through the plant on a tour, pointing out the passageway where one can peer through leaded-glass windows into the reactor compartment during normal operation (IIRC - it's been a LOOOONG time) and placing a bag of microwave popcorn in the middle of the floor there, "so I can have a snack when we come back through." He would then take the newbs forward for a tour of the rest of the plant, and a buddy would surreptitiously replace the unpopped bag of popcorn with a freshly-popped bag, which the first senior would pick up and start eating on the way out, to the dismay of the newbs who would no doubt frantically start checking their dosimeters.

Our training advisors shot that one down, though. ;)

The Onion is awesome at making the fabricated seem true, this is even more powerful when they have such easy fodder as the TSA

Perhaps the people who write the convoluted, conflicting, and irrational rules that dominate TSA security search policy are Onion fans... ;)