dcpatti

You had me till you brought up that he might bring a girlfriend. If he doesn't bring a girlfriend, tell him he owes you lunch or dinner at Galatoires. Or Arnaud's. Then you're even. If he does bring a girlfriend, I'd just do the whole thing in cash, even if it means rebooking, because sharing a room with a couple who is coupled-up can be pretty unpleasant. It's unreasonable of your friend to expect that you'd use your points in that way!

pinniped

I'm with dcpatti on this one: if he's introducing a GF into the mix, I'd be calling a big fat time out on this plan. He should get his own room at that point.

The last-minute commitment thing would get annoying too...

One thing I didn't mention before. I don't know how to explain this and have it make purely logical sense, but the circumstances of the trip might dictate that I ask for something in return. My "guy" trips have typically been 3-5 guys where they defer to me to pick the hotel. I usually find best value for points (usually mid-category properties) and don't collect anything from the guys except beers at the ballpark or whatever. If I were traveling with 1 buddy and he really wanted to stay at a high-category property like a W, I might except him to chip in a bit. It would really be a judgment call.

When girlfriends/wives are involved, it's a totally different kind of trip - one where each couple typically pays their own way. To me, the dynamics of a "guys' trip" are totally different than one with wimmen involved.

swag

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Last year, with women, we each got our own room. This year, if he brings his GF, then he will get his own room for at least that portion of the trip (she's unlikely to come for all 10 nights). And there may be other buddies along to, but if they come, they too will probably just come for 2-3 nights.

It always did, until I finally decided a few years ago that I'd do the trip with or without him. So now I book the room (in cash, until last year). If he comes, that's great, but if not, I foot the hotel bill myself and have a blast anyway. So far, he's always come for at least part of the trip, and the last few years, for the whole thing. And when he ends up on inconvenient flights (out of HPN instead of LGA; into BTR instead of MSY; multi-connections; 5 am departures; and stuff like that), I get to make fun of him

pinniped

Well, I guess I can understand people joining you for smaller parts of the trip. Ten nights in MSY is a lot even for a diehard jazz/blues fan.

New Orleans is a bit like Vegas for me - I love it in doses of about 48-72 hours. More than that, and my body starts to wear down. (I guess I'm out of training. )

annerj

If I was receiving the miles then I'd offer to pay 1/2 and if that was refused I'd pick up several of the meals. (But I'm always the one with the miles).

We have one set of friends that travel with the a lot (2-3 or more trips per year). I nearly always pick up the hotel. I've never asked for money or anything else (if they didn't come we would be using the same points for the same hotel). He usually asks what the price would have been and is very forceful in picking up a few meals. It works out well as even with a couple meals he is saving a decent amount of $ over 1/2 the hotel rate and I'm saving $ on a couple free meals.

I figure if I'm close enough to the person to share a room then I'm too close to ask for $$. If I was with someone who wanted their own room then we would have to work something out.

Marathon Man

on a ski trip we are all taking in March to BC, my friend is using his SPG points to get 8 of us some rooms at the Westin, free to us completely!...

I am using 25k miles to fly and I booked another 25k for one of my friends with me on UA.

My friend is going to grab my 3 day ski pass at the resort and probably pick up some beers, or my share of the rental car we all get into to drive to and from the ski area while there. I casually mentioned it to him and he understands the miles have a value. I did indicate such a ticket may run more that $300 but that there'd be NO way I'd ever make him pay that. Once, I got his brother a ticket for 25k and I asked him what the flight would have cost and if he felt like it, to send me like $200 and he was happy with it.

Anyway, when we are out there, we will surely all pitch in for dinners, drinks, etc and we will surely buy our SPG friend all his stuff for the trip. the idea with us though is that we have all known each other for nearly 20 years and so we ALL will and have had deals, offers, trades and gigs to be in on that all come around eventually. Work or not, money or not, living here or living there, everyone eventually hooks up the other. It just works out that way and if it doesnt, you just stop dealing with that person til it can one day again. If not, everyone subtly knows he's out, ya know?

Well, no one's perfect but this method works for us so maybe you are now able to extrapolate some theory from it as well, where it may apply to your particular situation.

good luck, and hey,at the very least, suggest cheap women and pretty tequila as a fair way to getcha back, bro!

MM

kennethfine

If the person were my good friend, I'd be inclined to treat with no dicussion of money. If my "good friend" never ever gets it through their head to reciprocate, and I think they're able, well: that's something I appreciate knowing about my "good friend." Quality people do not need to be asked.

I have 7 nights at Lake Tahoe in December at a nice place. We're inviting some family and some friends. I hadn't even thought of asking any of them for money.

That doesn't mean I think you're petty. It may just reflect a different ethic about who we're willing to travel with. I would not travel with someone for more than a day if I did not feel good about paying their way if necessary. Travel is personal, something you do with people you care about. If I'm not with a close friend I'd just as soon do it alone.

Generosity in the right places is never a bad call.

-KF

Marathon Man

indeed. Some traits are born in and some are learned but generally speaking, if they are close then it is pretty much understood. I mean, in my case, my friends WILL hook one another up if and where possible and so unless it's a specific item bought (I grabbed you those Red Sox baseball play off tickets for your wife and HER girlfriends and did NOT get to go with you after all, but hey man I love ya so it's cool but please pay me the $500 each when you can) then there's really no big dissussion over money. Everyone knows not to mess with the others on things like that, so it all evens out and gets reciprocated over time as is usual.

infinityplusone

swag, this is a great question, imo from a psychological perspective.

Depending on how much you value your friendship, what type of friend your friend is and how you want to grow your friendship you could take any of the routes suggested above.

I have a friend who I travel with once in a while or even when we meet up to just have dinner there is never any concern about who is paying for what. One of us will just say, "I got it". And it is unspoken that the next time the other will get it. And if the meal prices are disparate (fast food vs. nice steak house) then the person paying will get the following meal as well.
We have been friends since high school, close to 20 years. It has been that way since we first started hanging out.

I had another friend who, as you mentioned of this friend, was the last to buy the round of drinks and at times would not buy a round of drinks. My friend would be quick to suggest a nice place to eat for dinner and then only remember during dinner that he had forgotten his wallet or that he had a big bill due the next day. We stayed friends for about 3 months.

So I think in discussing ways to use your points, you can also look at the type of friend you have.

I would be tempted to overcharge my second "friend" while I used my points at a hotel... if only to make up for the times he mooched in the past. (Actually since I don't talk to him any longer there would be no need for a hotel).

For my first friend I would gladly use points to pay for us to stay in a nice hotel (and have). And I know he would insist on picking up most of the meals and drinks even if I offered to split as normal (as he has).


In your case, I would ask that he pay approximately half (probably a little less then half) of what it would have cost to stay in the cheaper hotel. I may or may not let him know that I was using points, depending on if he viewed points as "free".

Reasoning: He is paying less then he normally would so you are still helping him. He is getting to stay in a nicer hotel (even if he does not appreciate it).

Whatever you decide, I hope it all works out for you.

derpelikan

if you are sharing your stays normally ,than there is a big chance that he did pay for your points too, as he paid half of the stay for some years.

in this case i would say its free.

if this is not the case, just imagine how much you would have normally paid, if the room is 300usd through the hotel, 100usd through paypal, than i would take 100USD.

of course you could make a deal that he pays for all the food and drinks, and he stays free. something like this.

points = money. it doesnt matter if you pay cash or points, these points were earned by paying real money.



dp

pinniped

Oh, I occasionally play poker with this guy. I'll tell him you said 'hi'...

jabez

This is a timely discussion.
We're going to travel friends (who we travel with often) and I plan to use free parking passes at the airport for our 3 weeks away. I just figured I'd let him drive and leave his vehicle. I earned these on a "frequent parking" plan.
The other issue,however,is a little more problematic.
We will most likely stay in Paris, Florence and maybe Rome.
I have enough points to get us both rooms at the respective Hilton's.
Since he would need a room anyways,on the surface it might seem that he simply pay me for the rooms.
These hotels (especially Paria and Rome) are priced a lot more than he would normally pay for a room.
I figured I'd simply say something like "If we want to stay at the ....,then I can use points and you can pick up some nights for else in other areas where we will be staying". Many of those rooms,however ,will be B&B's priced MUCH less than the value of the points spent.
What would you do?

rkt10

I'd spend my points only for my own room and let him pay for his own. YOu might offer to book the rooms so the rooms will be nearby one another (if it matters), but why use your points for him when they have value for you for a separate trip.

Rita

dcpatti

I have to interject here that just by asking the question, you're letting on that you don't really feel right with picking up the hotel entirely, regardless of if it is points or otherwise.

My sister recently mentioned that she was going to Philly (I'm in DC and she's in the 'burbs) for a concert, and when she said she was planning on driving up, watching the show, then driving back, I would hear nothing of that. I burned a bunch of Marriott points getting her a free night there--- she hadn't planned on it but she was beyond grateful, and I don't mind giving her the points because I just want to do something nice for her. On a recent trip with a good friend (we meet somewhere once or twice a year to go play) I used lots of points to cover most nights and we split the rest of the bill--- but he picked up a very expensive dinner and a very expensive lunch (at the aforementioned Arnauds and Gallatoires). In the case of my sister, I just like doing nice things for her and I know she would never accept me paying out of my pocket for a hotel for her trip, so if I can give her points, so be it. In the case of my travel buddy, we don't keep track of things and we both know it will all come out in the wash.

Sounds like with your friend, though, it never comes out in the wash. From an outsider's perspective, the guy has a lot of nerve--- decides last minute if he will be joining you, sometimes even brings along his current love interest, and doesn't contribute towards the expenses. I think we all have friends who can't afford a good vacation and if you want to be charitable, that's your perogative. Like I said, the fact that you ask the question implies that you're not entirely comfortable with the situation. I know your trip is already booked for this year, but for the next one, I'd suggest picking a hotel that you can afford on your own, out of your pocket, and if he decides to join you, he can pay half the bill.

Is it possible to convert your points to SPG gift cheques? I know you can do this with Marriott and some others. That way you can book a normal room, use the points to cover your half via gif cheques and let him pony up the balance if he shows. You will probably lose some of the value of the points but it may be worth it--- you still get to redeem your points towards the stay and you have an actual bill and dollar amount that you can divide by two and present to your friend.

Raffles

Here's your problem as I see it. Most outsiders think that points / miles are free, especially if they know you travel on business. They ignore the fact that you could have used a cashback credit card instead of your points card etc etc.

Any attempt to ask for money when you are burning points may, in my view, get the same response from your friend that you'd get if you won 2 tickets to a ball game and then tried to charge your friend for his ticket when he came with you.

(Ironically, I have just done the complete opposite. I have invited a friend with me for a drinking weekend in Europe and, because he is nowhere near as well paid as me, told him I would book the flights on BA Miles. Infact, I have paid cash for Club tickets for both of us. He will never know because there will be no price on his e-ticket boarding pass.)