AMEX announces...The Plutonium Card!
 

For the Ultimate in Card Service:
Amex announces the Plutonium Card by invitation only.
The card carries an annual fee of $10,000. The card will also be limited to the top .25% of all AMEX spenders, thus illiminating all but the ultra-wealthy.
Card benefits will include in addition to all platinum and centurion benefits:
-A fancy presentation box
-100,000,000 travel accident isurance (restrictions apply)
-priority checkout at major grocery stores (no 10 item limit).
-priority taxi service (skip to front of the line) in Chicago, San Fransisco, NY only.
-An exclusive nagging service (a plutonium concierge will argue with hotels and airlines for you when they fail to provide you with earned member benefits and upgrades (subject to individual program's rules).
-Priority airline lavatory access, no more waiting.
-guaranteed beverage and meal availabilty on participating airlines. (If they don't have your preference, they land and get it for you)
-Bad driver revenge service. Amex staff will locate and cuss out drivers who cut you off, speed around, and tailgate thus saving you the time and aggravation.
-Emergency toilet paper delivery service. Call the 800 number if you find yourself trapped in a bathroom with no toilet paper. 2 hour response guaranteed. (North America only). For a fee, a professional wiper will finsh the job for you.
-A free first class ticket on flights with participating airlines. subject to the following restrictions:
*not valid on flights betwenn Feb 6th and Feb 4th.
*not valid on flights during daylight hours.
*ugrades only confirmed after takeoff and after all other means to sell the First Class cabin have been exausted, including seats for pregnant women, the handicapped, the stupid, airlines employees and their friends and relatives.
-Earn 1 membership rewards point for every dollar charged. The $40 MR fee is graciously waived for Plutonium members.
-Access to an exclusive members only toll free line where our plutonium concierge, Betty (works Monday 9-1 eastern and friday nights) will do her best to arrange anything you need. Services are limited to whatever she can book for you through travelocity or expedia.com. For a fee, fortune telling and erotic conversation is also available (fri night only).
-You will also receive a free Plutonium Card holder T-shirt, to show the world how great you are. (XS and XXL sizes only)

http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

You forgot to mention the all expenses paid trip to Chernobyl!!

[This message has been edited by DOC 2 BE (edited 03-08-2001).]

Best of Day!!

I want to apply for the Plutonium Card. Does Amex offer you a referral bonus such as a ski mask, American made, to protect your anonymity when buying an airline ticket to BKK online? For such a valuable as the ski mask you probably need to refer 6 people, but it's a start! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/cool.gif

Do you have to pay the money back, or can you pay in miles?

I believe QL may have one of these! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

How much is the additional card?

You forgot to mention that you can use the card as a wallet sized flashlight and handwarmer.

Reminds me of a past government program to keep people from hoarding change by making it slightly radioactive.

Cheers,

birdstrike

Wait! Has anyone seen the movie, Three Businessmen, UK, 1999, by Alex Cox (Repo Man, Sid & Nancy)? It is hilarious and there's a great bit in there about a plutonium credit card. I saw it at our local indy film theater--it would be worth it if you can find it.

I was ready to get one until I saw that pointman wrote I'm very sorry to say that the Amex Plutonium card isn't worth squat if it can't be used in the midnight taxi lines at Bangkok's Don Muang Airport.

[This message has been edited by UAL Traveler (edited 03-08-2001).]

Does the card glow in the dark?

For an extra fee it might glow in the dark.

------------------
Al

Please! No lounge access! Give me Uranium baby! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/tongue.gif

Plutonium is an unstable, and poisonous element, not appropriate for every cardholder. (Some of us stable and non-toxic people would be offended.)

Some of the more obscure elements would be better candidates to have a credit card named after them. How about:

The Dysprosium Card: for obscure exclusivity.

The Copper Card: for successful plumbers and electricians.

The Iodine Card: Disinfect while you buy!

The Xenon Card: So exclusive that [no stores are allowed to accept it.

The Germanium, Francium, and Americium cards: tied to FFPs from their respective nations.

Others?

Of course, all the advertising will be represented by super heros: Spiderman, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Green Lantern...and of course our favorite glowing friend, Godzilla.