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-   -   The definitive "How to maximise the LH F experience" thread! (https://www.flyertalk.com/forum/lufthansa-austrian-swiss-brussels-lot-other-partners-miles-more/1040252-definitive-how-maximise-lh-f-experience-thread.html)

Rambuster Jan 16, 10 1:57 am

The definitive "How to maximise the LH F experience" thread!
 
As we have had a lot of threads about the LH First experience I have tried to highlight a couple of "must do's" in order to maximise the experience:

- Make sure to spend at least 6 hours at the FCT – 10 hours is better!

- Hop around lounges preferably visiting the FCL A then FCL B and finally the FCT

- Complain to the staff that no transfers via limo are available for lounge hopping

- Take a bath at the FCT and demand at least 6 rubber duckies for all your friends and family

- Make sure to let the FCT staff know that you paid over €1.000 (to US Airways Dividend Miles) to fly LH
First and that you expect only the best in service

- Insist on being driven to the plane in a Mercedes or Porsche and outright refuse a mini van

- Reinforce this by throwing a hissy fit at the passport / immigration desk

- Ask the PAs at the FCT what all of these HON passengers are doing at the FCT when you spent over €1.000 to fly LH F. It should be more exclusive.

- Insist on being driven to the plane alone and not with any other guest on the same flight

- Insist on an apron position as far away as possible from the FCT to maximise the time spent in the limo (V096 apron is pretty good – close to the A5 motorway)

- Insist on the airplane being moved to an apron position (away from a gate) so that the limo ride can be maximised

- Complain in-flight that the First seat is a disgrace and should be retired to a museum

- Make sure to ask for a comment card so that you can inform LH about the small IFE screen in their First cabin and the lack of choice in film programming on the AVOD system

- Highlight the fact to the purser that you prefer to fly SQ Suites instead, however strangely they did not accept US Airways Dividend Miles or BMI miles as form of payment?

- Ask the LH purser to explain why SQ did not make a seat available for US Air, BMI or LH M&M newspaper subsciption customers?

- Complain about the farmed caviar served in F and the sub-standard spirits selection

- Complain about the Champagne served onboard. If you prefer Dom ask for Krug and vice versa. Shake your head in disbelief when tasting the first sip.

- Make sure that your routing includes the following segments: FRA-ZRH-MUC-FRA-(insert final destination)

- Insist on FCL access at all of these destinations incl. apron pickup based on the fact that your LH First ticket cost more than €1.000 !

- Sell the Rimowa amenity kit on eBay

- Try to snatch as many amenity kits as possible

- Complain about the Van Laack PJs handed out, especially that the trousers are nylon


If you stick to all of these points I am sure you will have maximised the First experience!

I hope our fellow M&M forum members can add points I have missed to maximise the F experience ? ;):D
...I am sure there are many more ...

Happy landings!

sunseeker Jan 16, 10 2:09 am

Brilliant; Rambuster at his best! ^

DFW-SEN Jan 16, 10 2:13 am

A few more important points in preparation of the flight:

- Start investigating the menue on that particular flight at least 6 months ahead of the departure date
- Open at least 3 threads on FT (or any other Frequent Flyer forum) to ask about the F experience
- Open another thread to ask what seat to choose
- Inquire about possible compensation in case the IFE is not working
- Start worrying what amenity kit will be distributed

S

flysurfer Jan 16, 10 2:13 am

You forgot the mandatory sampling of all 83 varieties of Scotch in the Cigar Lounge. :D

Other than that, this list can at least be considered a start. Keep it coming, so we can turn this into a sticky! ^

Rambuster Jan 16, 10 2:19 am


Originally Posted by DFW-SEN (Post 13191584)
...
- Open at least 3 threads on FT (or any other Frequent Flyer forum) to ask about the F experience
- Open another thread to ask what seat to choose

- Open yet another thread to inquire why the first 4 threads were all closed ?

sunseeker Jan 16, 10 2:21 am

leave in no doubt you can not understand no extra sleepersshirts/suites are being offered on the LHR-FRA leg and NOT by Gucci anyway......

don't forget to ask for 3 extra copies of the food and wine menues for your friends who are collectors as well...

wake up any celebrity you may come across and ask him for some autographs and his boarding pass...

supermasterphil Jan 16, 10 3:03 am

^^^ :D

- complain that you haven't been greeted personally and addressed by full (foreign - hard to pronounce) name every single time
- you haven't been let off board first at final destination
- they made you climb the stairs up onto the upper deck of B744
- no PA waiting for you to pass every other 500 passengers from all other flights at airport of destination to pass through immigration/customs
- there has been another priority bag on the belt that has been delivered before yours

NewbieRunner Jan 16, 10 3:08 am

You guys need a humbling experience (or experiment?) in LH C or better still longhaul LH Y from time to time to maximise LH F experience.

manthos Jan 16, 10 3:17 am


Originally Posted by NewbieRunner (Post 13191668)
You guys need a humbling experience or experiment?) in LH C or better still longhaul LH Y from time to time to maximise LH F experience.

Why stick to LH Y?

there is always Ryanair :p

sunseeker Jan 16, 10 3:29 am

tell other passengers quite strictly to go downstairs/to the back for some minutes, since you want to take some pictures of YOUR cabin without their stupid faces on it...

Hippo72 Jan 16, 10 4:41 am

ROFL...you made my day ^:p:D

mamb0 Jan 16, 10 7:07 am

  • leave a message in the lounge's guest book stating how LH F is *good* but has room for improvement and sign with your FT handle

NewbieRunner Jan 16, 10 7:08 am


Originally Posted by mamb0 (Post 13192076)
  • leave a message in the lounge's guest book stating how LH F is *good* but has room for improvement and sign with your FT handle

or sign with someone else's FT handle. :rolleyes:

Flying Lawyer Jan 16, 10 7:15 am

- complain about the FA's English.
- complain that the FAs do not want to listen to your full life story.
- complain about the poor selection of US newspapers
- wonder why your partner travelling Y is not allowed to join you in F

German-FLyer Jan 16, 10 8:09 am

This is clearly the most brilliant post I have seen so far on FT (and there are many great ones here). Thanks Rambuster, you made my day!

^ :D

flysurfer Jan 16, 10 8:22 am

  • Plan an overnight stay in ZRH/FRA/MUC in order to be at the lounge door at opening hour.

NewbieRunner Jan 16, 10 8:48 am


andre1970 Jan 16, 10 9:37 am

-Enter and exit Germany a couple of times in each one of your multiple stopovers in FRA throughout the day, in order to sample the Arrivals lounge.

-Complain that their shower rooms are too claustrophobic compared to the FCLs and that no duckies were provided for your comfort.

-Complain that the duckies are farmed and not the original ones. Much like everything on LH F.

-Ask for seat blocking to be activated in your couch while in the FCT.

-Grab at least 50 free T-Mobile internet passes and sell them to the plebes outside a SEN lounge. Sell the wasserdischt ones at a premium on e-Bay.

-Find at least 3 corked bottles of wine (you have to sample at least 200 bottles). Duly report and complain.

TRAVELSIG Jan 16, 10 10:21 am


Originally Posted by andre1970 (Post 13192563)
--Grab at least 50 free T-Mobile internet passes and sell them to the plebes outside a SEN lounge. Sell the wasserdischt ones at a premium on e-Bay.

This is classic!

janehoya Jan 16, 10 10:26 am

IMHO, this is the best thread of the week
 
Easily beating the "Girl Friend not allowed to fly from Canada to US" one from Tuesday.

TRAVELSIG Jan 16, 10 10:29 am

-Be sure to tell the other passengers they were idiots for paying 8.000 EUR for their FRA/ORD flight when they could have routed via Doha and received real first class service, an extra 10000 miles, and another 9 hours of the experience.

Rambuster Jan 16, 10 10:59 am

Glad to bring back the fun to the M&M forum !

Great post about the farmed rubber ducks Andre !

andre1970 Jan 16, 10 12:23 pm


Originally Posted by Rambuster (Post 13192939)
Glad to bring back the fun to the M&M forum !

I'm afraid this is the most serious thread of this forum in years! ^ ;)

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13192293)
  • Plan an overnight stay in ZRH/FRA/MUC in order to be at the lounge door at opening hour.

Dude, how come I missed this one! :D

I guess this thread could be renamed as:

All you can eat / drink with 1000 EUR max!!

sentom Jan 16, 10 12:49 pm


Originally Posted by andre1970 (Post 13193302)
I'm afraid this is the most serious thread of this forum in years! ^ ;)

^ this is way to close to reality to be funny! :rolleyes: :D

seat 1a Jan 16, 10 1:04 pm

Rambuster , great thread , we must all be nuts.




Originally Posted by Rambuster (Post 13191554)

- Insist on being driven to the plane alone and not with any other guest on the same flight

If the PA for some reason would not fulfill this demand, make sure to inform her that you are to arrive 10 minutes after any body else to the limo departure area , and while you are at it , make a serious complaint about the very slow elevators .

macabus Jan 16, 10 1:17 pm

- Get hit by a car walking to the FCT on the upper ramp. Then sue LH for liability and settle for lifetime HON membership with access the FCT whenever you want.

f4freeJunior Jan 16, 10 3:10 pm

Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (SymbianOS/9.2; U; Series60/3.1 NokiaE51-1/100.34.20; Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 ) AppleWebKit/413 (KHTML, like Gecko) Safari/413)

Book the latest F flight and spend the whole day at the FCT.

skywalkerLAX Jan 16, 10 5:01 pm


Originally Posted by f4freeJunior (Post 13193999)
Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (SymbianOS/9.2; U; Series60/3.1 NokiaE51-1/100.34.20; Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 ) AppleWebKit/413 (KHTML, like Gecko) Safari/413)

Book the latest F flight and spend the whole day at the FCT.

And then cancel the ticket 15 minutes prior to Boarding !

flysurfer Jan 16, 10 5:22 pm


Originally Posted by skywalkerLAX (Post 13194488)
And then cancel the ticket 15 minutes prior to Boarding !

And skip the Porsche ride? :eek:

Nah, ride to the plane in the car, board it, get the amenity kit, slippers and PJs, sneeze into the pillow, then deboard and cancel the ticket. ^

Starbucks Jan 16, 10 5:34 pm

  • Block the dayroom at the FCT for at least 8 hours even if you are not in.
  • Make sure you bring enough doggybags to pack some food at the various lounges.
  • Shave your full body in the bath tub and make sure that the bath room attendant has some work to do once you have left.
  • Ask your PA for LH FCT condoms.
  • Fill up your personal office supplies and collect some copy paper.
  • Wait for the right moment and "collect" some dishes from the restaurant area.
  • Retain from ordering your 6-course dinner until midflight. Show them that you are the real Master-of-Time.
  • Ask to get an additional 4 Y-Pillows and 2 C-pillows as that old LH F bench is not endurable otherwise.
  • Bring large bags or ask FA for additional plastic bags as all your souvenirs like blankets and pillows do not fit in your regular travel bags.
  • Make sure you walk through the whole aircraft in your van Laack Pajama at least once.

andre1970 Jan 16, 10 5:47 pm


Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13194583)
...sneeze into the pillow...

:D

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13194583)
then deboard and cancel the ticket. ^

and, of course, ask for IDB compensation...

Originally Posted by Starbucks (Post 13194642)
  • Block the dayroom at the FCT for at least 8 hours even if you are not in.
  • Make sure you bring enough doggybags to pack some food at the various lounges.
  • Shave your full body in the bath tub and make sure that the bath room attendant has some work to do once you have left.
  • Ask your PA for LH FCT condoms.
  • Fill up your personal office supplies and collect some copy paper.
  • Wait for the right moment and "collect" some dishes from the restaurant area.
  • Retain from ordering your 6-course dinner until midflight. Show them that you are the real Master-of-Time.
  • Ask to get an additional 4 Y-Pillows and 2 C-pillows as that old LH F bench is not endurable otherwise.
  • Bring large bags or ask FA for additional plastic bags as all your souvenirs like blankets and pillows do not fit in your regular travel bags.
  • Make sure you walk through the whole aircraft in your van Laack Pajama at least once.

Awesome Starbucks!:D

weero Jan 16, 10 6:24 pm

do we need to stay politically correct?
 
Perhaps some more FT centric advice:
  • Do not forget to videotape the entire experience on the ground and the air with numerous HD cameras mounted to a scaffold which can be locked on the seat in front you
  • Do not forget to set the cameras to a clearly audible whistle should the SD cards or the batteries run low in order to keep the experience smooth
  • Make constant direct comments to the "F" camera - the one that faces you - about position, food, the accent of the pilot, and what you would like to do with that uber-chick of a purser. Keep the comments clear and graphic so that viewers from other cultures can follow your inferior thoughts
  • Force the service-underlings to bend down, so that the "F" camera gets a clear shot when they address you
  • Never forget that you can bring a toddler for free. This will train them early not to overvalue the F experience
  • Insist on bringing an emotional support animal on US bound routes (don't do this on Asian routes, should you have any emotional bonds to the emotional support animal)
  • A larger animal can help you eat more of offerings provided
  • Being so close to the cockpit never forget providing input for the pilots on changes of altitude, routing, and warnings of clouds - the crew must feel that it was a mistake not to install "Channel 9" on Lufthansa
  • Tell the crew in which detail AirAsia, VirginBlue, and TigerAirways are superior
  • book an outlandish route, so when it is axed, you don't have to pay the $250 to DividendMiles for rebooking and for a more serious shot at the upcoming A380 service
  • Bring scratching tools in order not miss any of the farmed fish eggs you just complained about
  • Bring a hard case carry on which doesn't bulge when you stuff the 'free' pillows, blankets, cutlery, and surplus PJs of other pax in there
  • Make sure to cut the "F" camera while you transfer the free offerings from the cabin to your bag
  • Once the grand deed is done, approach a clueless news magazine, claim to be a famous blogger, and report how LH does treat their most valuable customers and where there is room for improvement
  • Do not forget to post on FT that even you "do not pay full fare all the time" when traveling in F/ That down-to-Earth touch is much appreciated and will diminish the reprimands for heavy cross-posting of your venture
  • Do not forget to include stories about your epic idiosyncrasies when posting in other fora - this will establish you as a potential candidate for mythical creatures such a Jack Vroom or Mr. Pillows

flysurfer Jan 16, 10 6:36 pm

Pure genius! ^

weero Jan 16, 10 7:02 pm


Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13191585)
You forgot the mandatory sampling of all 83 varieties of Scotch in the Cigar Lounge. :D..

I had no clue that this was offered :o . Time to pick up smoking then, I reckon.

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13192293)
[LIST][*]Plan an overnight stay in ZRH/FRA/MUC in order to be at the lounge door at opening hour.

It took me a fair while to realise that this was actually a real thing too :eek: .

The FCLs have true-to-the-bone stalkers out there.

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13194583)
..sneeze into the pillow, then deboard and cancel the ticket. ^

I will check my pillows henceforward :eek: ... I mean given that the former two insanities you illustrated for us are the plain truth :o.

jjjohn Jan 16, 10 7:14 pm

how about book a free dayrooms at Hotel Kempinski:D

f4freeJunior Jan 16, 10 7:19 pm

we forgot:
  • once you made your way into the FCT start a loudish webcam conference on skype and let all your friend know about the experience.
  • Forget your suitcase at the FCT, go back and do the car ride twice @:-). Don't forget to complain about the S Class and let the driver know that even Air Asia offers its passengers the same service with a Maybach
  • Walk down from F to the Y section wearing your favorite t-shirt labelled "Eure Armut kotzt mich an"
  • Take at least one F blanket home with you
  • Please also put HON priority tags on your handluggage. Better take 2 per item, you never know.

aurigakb Jan 16, 10 9:40 pm

All very amusing!:D

sunseeker Jan 16, 10 11:49 pm

ROTFLMAO
 
priceless; not enough kudos around for the OP.... :D:D:D

rorschi Jan 17, 10 12:13 am

  • Annoy the purser with a stupid interview when your camera is on and put it afterwards immedately on youtube
  • Insist that all other members of your bowling club (flying in Y) get an opup
  • Ask before on all frequent traveller boards how the chances are that the other members of your bowling club (flying in Y) get an opup
  • When the purser offers to help you to adjust the seat, you tell him that this isn't necessary, as you know quite well how to do as you fly F every week (finally you fail to put your seat horizontal).

mamb0 Jan 17, 10 12:27 am

  • when driven to the plane, slip on the tarmac, pretend to have hurt your knee and get carried into the upper level of the b 747 (a.k.a "granny has the hots for the paramedic" trick)
  • always insist on getting the silver red first class sleeve for your bp and put it on display in your shirt's breast pocket for the riff raff easily to read how cool and important you are. In case you do not have a breast pocket, keep it in your left hand, and wave with it from time to time or use your right hand's index finger to point at it while looking the other way with an inculpable glare (a.k.a "Mr Bean It's my Birthday and now that I made you know, where is my freebie, kthx" move
  • always cut lines, waiving with your bp and say loudly "let me through, I fly first class" (a.k.a "doctors in disaster movie" approach)


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