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-   -   The definitive "How to maximise the LH F experience" thread! (

andre1970 Jan 16, 10 5:47 pm

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13194583)
...sneeze into the pillow...


Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13194583)
then deboard and cancel the ticket. ^

and, of course, ask for IDB compensation...

Originally Posted by Starbucks (Post 13194642)
  • Block the dayroom at the FCT for at least 8 hours even if you are not in.
  • Make sure you bring enough doggybags to pack some food at the various lounges.
  • Shave your full body in the bath tub and make sure that the bath room attendant has some work to do once you have left.
  • Ask your PA for LH FCT condoms.
  • Fill up your personal office supplies and collect some copy paper.
  • Wait for the right moment and "collect" some dishes from the restaurant area.
  • Retain from ordering your 6-course dinner until midflight. Show them that you are the real Master-of-Time.
  • Ask to get an additional 4 Y-Pillows and 2 C-pillows as that old LH F bench is not endurable otherwise.
  • Bring large bags or ask FA for additional plastic bags as all your souvenirs like blankets and pillows do not fit in your regular travel bags.
  • Make sure you walk through the whole aircraft in your van Laack Pajama at least once.

Awesome Starbucks!:D

weero Jan 16, 10 6:24 pm

do we need to stay politically correct?
Perhaps some more FT centric advice:
  • Do not forget to videotape the entire experience on the ground and the air with numerous HD cameras mounted to a scaffold which can be locked on the seat in front you
  • Do not forget to set the cameras to a clearly audible whistle should the SD cards or the batteries run low in order to keep the experience smooth
  • Make constant direct comments to the "F" camera - the one that faces you - about position, food, the accent of the pilot, and what you would like to do with that uber-chick of a purser. Keep the comments clear and graphic so that viewers from other cultures can follow your inferior thoughts
  • Force the service-underlings to bend down, so that the "F" camera gets a clear shot when they address you
  • Never forget that you can bring a toddler for free. This will train them early not to overvalue the F experience
  • Insist on bringing an emotional support animal on US bound routes (don't do this on Asian routes, should you have any emotional bonds to the emotional support animal)
  • A larger animal can help you eat more of offerings provided
  • Being so close to the cockpit never forget providing input for the pilots on changes of altitude, routing, and warnings of clouds - the crew must feel that it was a mistake not to install "Channel 9" on Lufthansa
  • Tell the crew in which detail AirAsia, VirginBlue, and TigerAirways are superior
  • book an outlandish route, so when it is axed, you don't have to pay the $250 to DividendMiles for rebooking and for a more serious shot at the upcoming A380 service
  • Bring scratching tools in order not miss any of the farmed fish eggs you just complained about
  • Bring a hard case carry on which doesn't bulge when you stuff the 'free' pillows, blankets, cutlery, and surplus PJs of other pax in there
  • Make sure to cut the "F" camera while you transfer the free offerings from the cabin to your bag
  • Once the grand deed is done, approach a clueless news magazine, claim to be a famous blogger, and report how LH does treat their most valuable customers and where there is room for improvement
  • Do not forget to post on FT that even you "do not pay full fare all the time" when traveling in F/ That down-to-Earth touch is much appreciated and will diminish the reprimands for heavy cross-posting of your venture
  • Do not forget to include stories about your epic idiosyncrasies when posting in other fora - this will establish you as a potential candidate for mythical creatures such a Jack Vroom or Mr. Pillows

flysurfer Jan 16, 10 6:36 pm

Pure genius! ^

weero Jan 16, 10 7:02 pm

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13191585)
You forgot the mandatory sampling of all 83 varieties of Scotch in the Cigar Lounge. :D..

I had no clue that this was offered :o . Time to pick up smoking then, I reckon.

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13192293)
[LIST][*]Plan an overnight stay in ZRH/FRA/MUC in order to be at the lounge door at opening hour.

It took me a fair while to realise that this was actually a real thing too :eek: .

The FCLs have true-to-the-bone stalkers out there.

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13194583)
..sneeze into the pillow, then deboard and cancel the ticket. ^

I will check my pillows henceforward :eek: ... I mean given that the former two insanities you illustrated for us are the plain truth :o.

jjjohn Jan 16, 10 7:14 pm

how about book a free dayrooms at Hotel Kempinski:D

f4freeJunior Jan 16, 10 7:19 pm

we forgot:
  • once you made your way into the FCT start a loudish webcam conference on skype and let all your friend know about the experience.
  • Forget your suitcase at the FCT, go back and do the car ride twice @:-). Don't forget to complain about the S Class and let the driver know that even Air Asia offers its passengers the same service with a Maybach
  • Walk down from F to the Y section wearing your favorite t-shirt labelled "Eure Armut kotzt mich an"
  • Take at least one F blanket home with you
  • Please also put HON priority tags on your handluggage. Better take 2 per item, you never know.

aurigakb Jan 16, 10 9:40 pm

All very amusing!:D

sunseeker Jan 16, 10 11:49 pm

priceless; not enough kudos around for the OP.... :D:D:D

rorschi Jan 17, 10 12:13 am

  • Annoy the purser with a stupid interview when your camera is on and put it afterwards immedately on youtube
  • Insist that all other members of your bowling club (flying in Y) get an opup
  • Ask before on all frequent traveller boards how the chances are that the other members of your bowling club (flying in Y) get an opup
  • When the purser offers to help you to adjust the seat, you tell him that this isn't necessary, as you know quite well how to do as you fly F every week (finally you fail to put your seat horizontal).

mamb0 Jan 17, 10 12:27 am

  • when driven to the plane, slip on the tarmac, pretend to have hurt your knee and get carried into the upper level of the b 747 (a.k.a "granny has the hots for the paramedic" trick)
  • always insist on getting the silver red first class sleeve for your bp and put it on display in your shirt's breast pocket for the riff raff easily to read how cool and important you are. In case you do not have a breast pocket, keep it in your left hand, and wave with it from time to time or use your right hand's index finger to point at it while looking the other way with an inculpable glare (a.k.a "Mr Bean It's my Birthday and now that I made you know, where is my freebie, kthx" move
  • always cut lines, waiving with your bp and say loudly "let me through, I fly first class" (a.k.a "doctors in disaster movie" approach)

sunseeker Jan 17, 10 12:30 am

Originally Posted by flysurfer (Post 13194583)
And skip the Porsche ride? :eek:
Nah, ride to the plane in the car, board it, get the amenity kit, slippers and PJs, sneeze into the pillow, then deboard and cancel the ticket. ^

then rebook, go back to the FCT, read your to do list (printout of this thread) in order to make sure you are not missing something and start it all over again the next day.....

do not forget to add to your list:
when boarding, make sure no elderly/disabled will be allowed boarding before you did.
give everybody a lesson of what the "first" in FC stands for.

once you are seated, tell the FAs they are now allowed to close the doors.

NewbieRunner Jan 17, 10 1:07 am

  • Take a picture of every meal and post on FT :D
  • Post when you'll be in the FCT/FCL and other FC lounges so everyone knows you are flying F
  • Ditto on if you have an account
  • Invite the maximum number of guests (family members & companion) into the FCT

Rambuster Jan 17, 10 1:14 am

- try to sneak two guest into the FCT by claiming one is your girlfriend/boyfriend and the other one is your guest
- try to remember their full names
- don't address them with "Herr" and "Frau" ...

more4less Jan 17, 10 1:35 am

Originally Posted by Rambuster (Post 13191554)
- Insist on the airplane being moved to an apron position (away from a gate) so that the limo ride can be maximised

If posible, in a different aiport

andre1970 Jan 17, 10 1:46 am

If, by any chance, you are asked to line up for screening at the FCT, publicly reprimand the security staff on their incompetence in using the "search function"

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