Etiquette for reciprocating to hospitality.
 

I developed a friendship with a Japanese businessman while we were waiting to checking for a flight from Singapore to Tokyo. I invited him to the lounge after check-in. He thanked me profusely, "for inviting him to the VIP lounge". Since then, he has been asking me to visit Japan. When he changed jobs and relocated to another part of Japan, he sent me his new contact information and renewed his invitation.

I finally decided to go. He booked a hotel for me, after ascertainign what my budget was. As I am looking for a job, I casually mentioned if he knew of any possibilities for me. He said he would make appointments, not for "job hunting", but for greeting/introduction with a few companies. In the usual Japanese manner of efficiency, he has made up a schedule for me, that includes visits to near by cities on the weekend, and visits to restaurants and other sights at night. He will meet me at the airport and escort me to my hotel, despite my insistence that it was not necessary.

I am overwhelmed by his hospitality. I am at a loss as to how I should reciprocate. Since I have been out of a job for a while, I was not looking to spend lots of money on this trip. But I can;t let him pick up the tab every time. If he insists on doing so, how do I express my appreciation? Is it appropriate for me to take gift(s) for him/his family or his friends (from other companies) to whom e will introduce me? I have never been to Japan nor have I ever been a recipient of such hospitality.

I am looking for ideas/suggestions, how I should act. What are my responsibilities?

Thanks in advance.

Balancing hospitality in Japan can be one the biggest headaches and the Japanese themselves don't fair any better. That is why you will see a very well developed system for easing gift giving and the likes.

Reading your post however, suggests this is a little more than the usual conundrum of gift giving (a lot of the Japanese sigh after being given gifts because they have to reciprocate it, and hospitality can be a double edged sword, further complications arising from the fact that you always have to provide some level of hospitality when you meet people.)
The majority of working men in Japan are protected somewhat from this because usually their companies will pay for it as long as it can be justified.

Before I go on, the rule that applies to the rest of the world apply to Japan as well - if it sounds too good, then it probably is.

This is in no way suggesting that he is out to pull a fast one on you, although fraud is one of the most common types of crime there is over there, (whereas in London, it's more like petty violence, stabbing etc.)
He might have other personal motives or sentiments, well it could be anything from sweet natured intentions to outright evil. The trouble is you don't know.

It seems a shame to cut him off completely, although that is the easiest way to keep your life less complicated.
Perhaps a better way, though it is harder, is to try and work towards a balance where you don't accept things that you can't reciprocate and hopefully that will actually bring you closer as friends. The trouble with accepting his offers is that eventually you will be in "debt" and this would either annoy him a lot or he will start making demands of you which he will see as pretty much obligatory.
The important thing here I think is to keep it to a friendship and forget about getting anything out of it other than that and hopefully that will persuade him to follow your lead.

And remember "Those who sacrifice liberty of some to purchase a little temporary safety, will have neither liberty nor safety."

Great post Mr. LapLap ^^^

As MrLapLap said, gift-giving can be quite complicated (and potentially, quite expensive). After reading your post, if it were me, I think I would take the time now to make it very clear to your host what you are comfortable with (in terms of meetings/greetings, transportation, who picks up the tabs, other, etc.). While this may be a bit awkward to do now, it is a heck of a lot less awkward than it will be if you find yourself in an unacceptable (defined variously) situation on site. While you clearly wish to respect this person's culture and appreciate their hospitality, they must also respect your wishes and your situation. If they do not, having this discussion now will save you a lot of time and money. I spend a lot of time in Japan, and I can tell you that it can be difficult to make this conversation work - but approached with respect, politeness, and firmness it can. Maybe this person will become your best friend. Until then, keep your options open.

I too hope that all is on the up and up. He is apparently offering a lot for a trip to a lounge. On the other hand, many people are just nice. I would be cautious.

Best of luck, with the trip and finding employment. Happy travels.

Thank you MrLapLap and flymetokix for you insightful responses. I have written to him telling him I am overwhelmed by his hospitality and appreciate it very very much. I also expressed my appreciation for his efforts in setting up meetings with some companies. Although I appreciate your hospitality very much, but since I haven't got a job, I would like to keep things simple and inexpensive. It is not necessary to go out to a restaurant or special places every night, as it would make me uncomfortable and it wouldn't be proper if you had to spend money on me."

I will take a small gift for him.

I had told him repeatedly that I would gt myself to the hotel myself, but he i nsiosted that "Since this is your first visit to Japan, I will met you at the airport". As for hotel, I had already told him the hotel e was suggesting was rather expensive for me. He asked me what my budget was. I told him what my budget was. He got me a little discount for a stay over 7 days, at a thousand yen over what I was planing to spend, which is OK. That's only $10 a day more. I hope this last mail I sent him will clarify things.
There is always a possibility that he might have ulterior motives. I appreciate being forewarned. I too hope that everything is up and up. I am not expecting a job out of tis or free dinners. I look at it as a longer than usual mileage and a Japan experience.

You might want to tell us where this hotel is (or what hotel it is) and we can tell you how to get there from Narita. Going out and back to Narita from Tokyo to meet someone is a fairly big deal in itself, since it will take easily 4 hours and cost him at least Y2500 (and possibly much more). That alone is a big deal, so you might want to figure out how to get him to meet you in Tokyo.

I know how to get there. Google earth is my friend. :). But if you know of a way to get to Osaka from NRT for Y2500, I would like to know. ;) I am going to Osaka, not Tokyo.

Good response, IMHO.

Good call again. Do you have a spare bit of umbilical cord lying around? ;)

all right, I'm curious. Reading the original, I see possibilities he's just a good guy but maybe not.

Anyways, are you male or female? Just wondering what his motives can be. Its rare for Japanese people to change jobs, so that's a bit of a red flag to me.

But there are those who enjoy being with foreigners and those who enjoy nothing more than helping those in need.

Solution 1 : Change your ticket to Osaka, likely cost more than 25 USD
Solution 2 : Travel on bus, each way cost you 41 USD (so .. 82 USD) From Tokyo downtown
http://www.123bus.net/route/tyo/tyo-osa.html

and RTN from Narita cost you 153 USD and 1 night per way

http://translate.google.com/translat...hl=en&ie=UTF-8

Here's your solution: Hide in the toilet for the entire shinkansen ride!

Sorry I got mixed up.

Please do let us now how things work out!

It seems you got the impression that I am flying into NRT and want to get to OSAK from there. I am flying into KIX and going to be in Osaka. So far things are working out good except had trouble opening my suitcase. I could not open it with the combination I have used for that suitcase for years.
My Japanese friend met me at the airport. I got money from an ATM, and we took a train to the Namba Station on the Nankai line. I bought the ticket. From there, we took a taxi to the hotel. He insisted on payig for the taxi. After check-in, he went home. So far I have seen no signs of a scam.

I just wanted to mention that for me this is standard - whenever I have gone to Japan my two Japanese friends meet me at KIX :cool: Then usually one of them rides the buses + train combination with me needed to get to her house ^ I also do the same when they visit me in the US.

Although I realize the situation is a bit different since you are staying at a hotel instead of someone's house/apartment, but they are a bit similar.

If by "a bit similar" you mean monumentally different, then ok.