Overly personal talk from flight attendants
 

OK, this will probably make me sound like my father (if he were gay), but am I the only person who finds it uncomfortable when a male flight attendant starts to ask where I went out while at my destination, or if the guys there were cute, etc?

This most recently happened on a return flight from YQB to EWR on a small Embraer. The FA kept asking why I would want to go to a non-party place like Quebec City when Montreal was so much more fun. He asked my partner and me about what we did, if we found a good gym there, a good bar, and on and on. It seems to happen with regularity, whether FC or in coach.

I don't mind brief mindless chatter with FAs, but sometimes they go too far. When we mentioned to this last one that we have been together for 16 years, he rolled his eyes and said "Whatever".

This FA without a doubt had no class. One should never ask those kind of questions, gay or straight content, when there is no indication of any kind of mutual attraction. Being friendly unfortunately in the gay world is often taken as a precursor to desiring sex. And the people often acting this way are the least attractive for sex.

While truly embrassing, particularly in a small RJ, my strategy is to return to my reading/music and avoid conversation with someone lacking manners. This also goes for pesky gay seat mates who have no social skills.

I've never had anything like that happen. I've had lots of conversations with FAs on different airlines when flying alone or with my partner, and sometimes they asked where I stayed (and sometimes when I mentioned a gay resort it turned out they had been there as well) and what we did, but never in a rude way. I've never had a FA offer anything other than congratulations on learning that my partner and I have been together for 16 years.

I think you've just had extremely poor luck in FAs. I'm sorry to hear it. Hopefully you'll have much more enjoyable flights in the future.

Personally, I prefer more interesting conversations than mindless small talk, but I can understand some people being more private.

I don't want the rest of the passengers overhearing this type of chat. Who know which one is a gay-basher.

I didn't mean to suggest that this always happens to me. I've had plenty of FAs on my flights who were perfectly professional and appropriate. I have, however, noticed the phenomenon described with some regularity.

I also think it speaks to a certain accepted, habitual immaturity in our community. The banter I've described is often flirtatious in nature. I can't imagine that a straight male FA would feel comfortable flirting with a woman sitting with her husband (but I certainly could be wrong).
I also am confused by the focus on gay nightlife in these encounters. My partner and I travel to see museums, eat regional food, experience other cultures, and of course to rack up miles.

i think that its better they talk andyou know they are gay rather than they keep quiet and you wonder.....saves mental gaydar energy but not Overly top... i would simply say " hey mr.. xxxx thats really nice that you're friendly and blah blah blah.,... but other people are heaing us.... im sure you wouldn't want the whole cabin knowing you've been wearing the same underwear for the past week :).

I agree 100% with your post. When my partner and I travel, our focus is on the exact same things you mention. I don't think I have ever gone to a gay bar or stayed at a gay resort while on a vacation trip. However, we have friends that have probably been to every gay bar on this earth, regardless of the continent. We really don't enjoy that scene, so we avoid it and focus on things we do enjoy, like the cultural sites and restaurants. Whatever makes people happy, I guess.

And, yes, I have had similar experiences with airline personnel making .....y comments like the one you experienced. There is an automatic assumption when someone is gay that we all enjoy the same things and live our lives the same way. If I had a nickel for every cynical gay guy I have met in my life that believes relationships and monogamy are a waste of time, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be on Bora Bora forever on the beach, sipping cocktails and reading a book!

I Hear You!
 

You are describing the "we are both gay so that makes us best of friends" syndrome. I have also experienced that sort of situation at work where a gay guy will make comments to me that he would never dream of making to a straight person. Probably the best thing to do is to be distant.

I thought the FA's "whatever" remark was a cheap shot. I suspect that the FA had a crush on the FT poster and was looking for some sort of opening (no pun intended).

As I have said elsewhere, I love flamboyantly gay FAs. However, at the risk of sounding like my mother, everyone should be well mannered!

This reminds me of experience on a United flight from SFO to ORD... I was reading DNA in my FC seat and then a FA 'confiscated' my adult material.. he didn't bring it back, I ended up going to the galley, and then found out he and the main purser were both gay. :-) We ended up chatting all the way to ORD on a red eye flight.... :)

Read DNA or Instinct aboard.... they are borderline appropriate magazines and a fun way to meet people. :p

Ugh. What crass stereotyping. Does this FA really assume that every gay man bases their travel decisions on the best party?

To me, that's about as offensive as asking a black person why they're at the opera instead of seeing Kanye West perform - in other words, very offensive.

From a flight attendant? Very uncool and unprofessional. :td:

Why on earth would he have a reaction like that unless he was flat-out jealous or somehow didn't approve of long-term relationships (but would he have said the same if he'd heard that a heterosexual couple had been together so long)? In either case, that's just bang out of order.

WoW, sorry to hear that. Most of the gay FAs I have met were very professional. They have never crossed the line in any way. With my attitude, they wouldn't dare to anyway.

Usually a FA would never approach me with a personal conversation unless I started it first. I think it is very unprofessional for him to ask you many personal questions.


Congrats on that 16 years. I always look up to gay people like you as good example of long lasting relationship.

Wow this reminds me of a similar experience..but with a straight "party girl' FA on a American Eagle flight on a tiny RJ. I was wearing a pink polo sitting in the first seat. Shes chatty.. I can tell shes a little unstable by the innapropriate comments to passengers who shrug her off. She also asks for my help while stowing things in the small kitchen area, which was a first for me. Then, while in the jumpseat looking directly at me, she bluntly asks if I am metro or gay "since its so hard to tell these days". I played along but things went downhill from there. She actually ended up telling me physical aspects of her boyfriend..her liaisons in a hospital while visiting a friend.. I mean some raunchy stuff. I tried reading my magazine but she just kept going.

I'm a pretty friendly person, but I do get sick of the "oh you are gay, lets be best friends" attitude- from both gay and straight people.

I was on a short hop two years ago from RIO to GIG on AA in first class with a friend. We were the only ones in the cabin and the 35 year old purser chatted us up immediately. We had a great time talking to him. I asked him how he could be so young and be a purser but he explained that it's only for the short hop. If he flies on the long-haul sector, he's got much less senority.

Anyway, he brought out his iPod and showed us pictures of his flat in GIG, his Brazilian boyfriend and some of his MANHUNT pics. All the pics were PG-13 but my friend and I had a good laugh about it. We found out a LOT of information on a one hour flight.

It was a fun casual conversation and was entirely welcome. Most of the many flights I've been on, the queens have been the picture of professionalism. CX and SQ all have very well behaved queens working in first class. Even UA and AA have great F/A's from LAX-JFK. I always tell the purser if F/A have been particularly lovely.

I fly all the time, and not necessarily for the museums or the culture or the restaurants. I have been with another half for twenty years.

I work out, am very outgoing, and all I ever got was a wink! How do you find these FAs and can I order one with my next trip? Can you order them through duty free? Do you fill out a form in the inflight magazine and order one? Perhaps I don't get them because I am now only silver elite. Next year, I will have to get up to Gold, and see if I get more rewards!

I did have a straight lady flight attendant upgrade us to first class because we were both so tired after three days (or was it four) of partying in Madrid - but that's another story. I tried it a second time, but it didn't work.

I don't encounter these either. Usually its the battleworn women who chat me up (not that there is anything wrong with that). In fact in over 800 flights in my log, I can only think of 2 that initiated this kind of chat with me. The last time was in the early 1990s.