I consider the English country pub to be the prototype for a pleasant, convivial bar atmosphere. It has a certain je ne sais quoi that makes the drinking and lounging experience far more pleasant than the standard US tavern atmosphere, and is something that I have very seldom found outside of the UK and Ireland.

I think a fireplace is a necessity, as is a solid beer selection on nitrogen pulls (None of that CO2 crap...), plus a dark and quiet atmosphere. Loud music, televisions blasting sports, shot specials, and a college crowd are the antithesis of the pleasant experience.

May I direct you to the Lord Poulett Arms in Hinton St George - one of my all time favorite places to drink, have dinner and stay the night (although the place is a little odd).

www.lordpoulettarms.com

Actually - and I hope you don't mind me saying this - the perfect pub definitely wouldn't have a website or any of that other new-fangled nonsense like Wi-Fi zones, televisions ( flat-screen or otherwise ), jukeboxes and wipeable menus.

It should be at end of a winding country lane and quite hard to find so as to discourage those who will merely seek out the first available boozer.

Approaching it in winter you should be able to smell a log fire or even better, one fuelled by peat.

Upon entering you'll hear the general hubbub of conversation which may pause briefly to acknowledge your presence but then quickly resume its timbre.

In the corner by the fire will be a rheumy-eyed old man occasionally reaching down to pat his equally decrepit old sheepdog before taking a sip from his pint.

Pints. They're important. The hand-drawn pumps should have two or three good ales, a stout and perhaps a single lager tap to keep the ladies happy
( more on this later. )

Pints should also be served with a decent head and possibly glasses with handles - many of those drinking may well have their own mugs celebrating ancient real ale festivals which they keep hung up behind the bar.

You'll notice quite a few of them are wearing muddy Wellington boots.

As you approach the bar the friendly locals will make a space and the
landlord, a stout-hearted yeoman with a cheery demeanour, will enquire
" Evenin' - what can I get you ? "

Food should only be available at lunchtime and be simple but homely fare, such as home-made pies, crusty sandwiches and perhaps a bowl of home-made vegetable soup. This is a pub, after all, and not a bleedin' bistro.

Evening bar snacks should consist of nuts, crisps, pork scratchings and a jar of pickled eggs.

Entertainment should take the form of cribbage and dominoes with any winning game being celebrated with no more than a knowing wink to the other players and none of that whoopin' and a hollerin' so popular amongst our American friends.

There may also be a dartboard.

Lewd jokes should be avoided in the presence of ladies who should really only be encouraged to attend the pub at lunchtimes and weekends.

Discussion of religion should NOT be allowed although politics and sport, preferably cricket but definitely not soccer, is fine.

At closing time, and if your presence has been found acceptable by the landlord and locals, you might be invited to enjoy an after-hours session.
Ashtrays will appear for the first time and gentlemen will be allowed to smoke - you are, after all, breaking the law by being in there so they too have a right to break the law.

The village's only policeman will be one of those in the session and the first to spark up.

When you finally take your leave and head off into the crisp winter night - your winding path home illuminated by a full moon and a clear starry sky - you'll feel a warm glow of fine ale and good company.

And you'll mark the pub down as one of those special places that you never, ever tell anyone about.

I know of such a pub in deepest Hampshire.

They take MasterCard. Just a little dive, a small dance floor to dance to the jukebox. Ice-cold beer only, in long necks. Lots of powdered up women, a little on the trashy side. More than enough to go around. And here's the best part: they all get better looking at closing time. Priceless.

Did you mean that? Nothing traditional - or nice for that matter - about nitrogen dispense. Are you confusing this with beer served through a traditional hand pump (no gas of any kind used)? That's the traditional method of dispense.

It's not a dead-end road, but it is miles of single lane with the occasional wide spot for passing. The ales are local (brewed within 10 miles I'm told) and pulled. The cider is poured from a jug. There's a fire and an old lab who doesn't beg at your table but will permit you to pet him. The bar seats 3 on one side and 3 on the other. Tables seat another 25 or so. Everyone's local or if there for dinner, drove less than 20 miles. I'll admit that on one occasion I wasn't the only American there and we were each quite amazed. I'm pretty sure the village has no policeman, but the village shop is tiny and amazingly well-stocked. There is also a tea room, but no other commercial businesses. The food's probably too good for you, but I'm addicted to the lamb bangers and mash. Sorry about the website, but this remote, I think they have to do whatever they can to promote the place. Any place that fits your description I would have to blunder into completely by mistake.

My favorite 2 pubs are the Moan and Dove in Amherst, MA (http://www.moananddove.com/)

and Eugene City Brewery in Eugene, OR

Visit it and you'll get the idea.

Isn't The Drake still there?

My all time favourite bar and restaurant in Europe changed owners under dubious circumstances several years ago and I did boycott the location for the next few years. Last summer relented and went back and the premises were as enjoyable as before.

The bar is at the crossroads of three leafy streets, two of them could be called boulevards in appearance. There is a horse-shoe shaped terrace that surrounds the building but divided from the street by a low wall.

Inside the corner room is also roundish in shape and built along the bar in the centre. Dark wood panels, chrome and Belgian beer ads, the interior in short.

There is local beer on tap and Belgian varieties in bottles. Also French cidre and a good variety of open wines. Sodas are of European origin in classic bottles, as are mineral waters. The espressos are mean enough.

As for entertainment, there are newspapers and gourmet magazines spread out at the entrance. Some board games as well but no wifi, thank God. TV sets are only brought out during Football Championships, otherwise no noise other than discussions and the typical sounds of a bar.

This is the city where I began my studies and had an apartment for over 10 years. So nostalgia in the best possible way, sitting there with a glass of white and looking out over the boulevard in early evening...Now should I call my old friend A and go to see football tomorrow?

1. Reasonable beer prices
2. Jukebox ( even internet jukeboxes will work, strictly because of the amount of music they can play)
3. Pool Table(s), Shuffleboard and Darts or combination there of
4. Bar Snacks ( Chips, pickled eggs, Beef Jerky and maybe a crockpot of home made chili on the occasional cold day.
5. 50/50 girls/guy ratio (or close to it)
6. Every third drink is on the house
7. If you get the last shot out of the bottle your drink is free
8. Smoking permitted
9. Dance floor or at least room to dance
10. TV's only tuned to sports, no news no weather channel.

The perfect pub then ! :D

I meant hand pump... I apparently wasn't paying much attention when I posted. Probably alcohol withdrawal or something of the like...

#18 sounds good. ^

My local is pretty decent too. Glorious Victorian era corner pub, lots of brass and wood, decent food all day and night, super friendly staff, the sort of atmosphere where you could as easily chat, debate or read, loads of space, beer garden for the summer and a real fire for the winter (coke sadly). The only negative is the solitary TV - thankfully with the sound off. 4 Youngs beers on draught and a choice of 15 single malts. Oh, and it is a 5min walk from my house. :D

P.S There is always a pie on the menu and they have a weekly pub quiz too.

That sounds to me like The Grove ?

You really can't go wrong with a Youngs pub - they're always in tip-top condition and their beers are a delight.
To me they just edge out Fullers but both are excellent brewers.

Sadly, in the US today, only in the few remaining states that have not implemented the draconian bar smoking laws. Ten years ago I could have named dozens. More recently, Bangkok and Pattaya have many, but smoking bans are starting to hit there as well. It is a good side question on the topic. What states or countries can we still find good old fashioned smoke-filled western(as opposed to Asian) style bars in any number?