The Delta Humor Forum
 

In light of what I perceived to be tension in several threads in the Delta forum recently, I thought I would try to add some additional levity — not that there is not any humor in other Delta forum threads, but I figure starting a centralized, positive place where a fellow FlyerTalker could use a humor “fix” would give everybody a quick way to find funny anecdotes and thoughts related to Delta Air Lines. This way, if someone sees something funny, that person does not have to search through other threads to find it again, and maybe this will reduce the topic-straying of other threads (not that that was a problem — and I am definitely part of the blame for that!).

Whether that dose of humor is simply for a chuckle (or a chortle or guffaw), or if it is the medicine needed after a rough day of traveling, my hope is that it will serve the purpose of at least putting a smile on the faces on as many of my fellow Delta FlyerTalkers as possible.

Please share your humorous Delta tale, story, joke or experience here. I will begin:

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Whenever I have an itinerary which includes Washington National Airport, I ask the gate agent or flight attendant what the name of the destination airport is.

“Washington-Ronald Reagan National Airport” will be the response I usually receive, along with a puzzled look on his/her face as to why I would ask that question.

“Are you sure”, I would respond, “because that is not what it states on my itinerary.”

With sheer bewilderment, they ask to see my itinerary.

I then point out what is printed under the City column on my itinerary:

WAS-R REAGAN NAT

So if it was R Reagan National Airport, what is the name of that airport this week???

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Anything I can do to bright someone’s day is well worth it, and I use the aforementioned observation to brighten the day of as many Delta employees as possible, especially if I can make them laugh and spread the cheer.

I hope this thread will continually brighten your day as well.

That was really clever, Canarsie. Funny, too.

I can't hope to match it, but I'll try to contribute something, anyway.

Back in 1996, flying DL from CVG to HOU, on like my second or third upgrade to first, almost everyone had preboarded and taken their seats. The overheads were almost completely full. The plane was almost completely boarded, but there were a few stragglers coming on. Among them were a man and a lady, the man in front of the lady. The man shoved his carryon into what, on that side of the aisle (I couldn't see if the overheads on my side were full, but I suspect so), was the last available space, then went on back to coach! The lady drops her purse into her seat, 3B, takes the man's carryon out of the bin and puts hers in its place. Then she takes HIS carryon up to the FA and says in the sweetest voice imaginable, "The overheads are all full. Could you please gate check my bag to Houston?"


[This message has been edited by hnechets (edited 07-14-2003).]

Canarsie This thread is a wonderful idea. It has already brightened my day.

Geeze! - Here I thought all the threads and post had to be humerous - trying so hard to comply!. What am a poor fellow like me going to do if everythime I try to be funny in a post elsewhere (and fail) I am pointed to this thread by the more senior and stern members of this board?

Anyways, I think the following is an Urban legend, but nevertheless it is a funny one as we all to some extend have witnessed something similar:

A flight had been canceled and all passengers had to be rebooked creating a huge line in front of the gate. A man in an expensive tailor made suit stormed up to the desk in front of everybody else and said:

"excuse me - I need to be rebooked immediately in First class".

The gate agent continued to serve the passenger she was busy rebooking and said:

"Sir, you will have to go to the back of the line and I will be happy to rebook you when it is your turn".

To this the man became flustered and agitated and said loudly

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?".

To which the gate agent without blinking responded by taking the microphone and announce to the gate area:

"Folks! - There is a man here who does not who he is - if anybody should know who he is - please let me know so I can tell him".

Everybody in line lauhghed loudly as they had been following this spectacle, and the man more flustered than ever stormed off and away from the gate.

As I said, I think this is an Urban legend as I have heard it with various airlines involved (including Delta - hence my excuse from posting it here) - but never-the less, my small contribution to continue this thread.

While not directly related to DL, I tell this story to gate/counter agents whenever it's appropriate, and it continually reaffirms my utmost respect for these agents. They always enjoy it and they always relate as well.

25+ years ago I worked for the airlines and was a counter supervisor working at SNA. At 6am a very p***ed off man was swearing at the ladies working the counter; I was called to handle the matter and received more swearing and 'finger' action. I gave him what he wanted and handed him an 'online' baggage tag.
You guessed it!! I took his bag in the back, removed the bag tag and his ID, and sent the bag to FRA on LH. For months I watched the lost bag reports come in looking for this guys bag. Yes, it cost my employeer the maximum allowed at the time to replace the bag and contents...but the satisfaction was well worth it and the ladies working the counter thanked me! To this day...always show respect to gate and counter agents!! They deserve it for all the abuse they must endure sometimes.

[This message has been edited by bareflanks (edited 07-14-2003).]

Flying home on Delta the week before Christmas 1995 the FA did the safety talk as a poem based on "Twas the Night Before Christmas." It was charming, and even cuter than most of the things I've heard on Southwest.

But I digress with one exception from Southwest: prepaing to fly over Texas the FA said "Your seat bottom cushion can be used as a flotation device. In the unlikely event of a water landing wrap your arms through the straps and jump into the dirt."

Canarsie, great post as usual! A couple of years ago we had this really funny Captain and he came out of the first class lav with a stream of toilet paper hanging from his pants so everyone could see! Everyone was just cracking up, he was a real prankster!

On a flight from JFK to LAX about 2 years back the plane had just started moving at JFK when the pilot announced:

This is flight xxx nonstop service to Los Angeles International aiport. If Los Angeles is not your destination ... BIG PAUSE ... it IS NOW!

I heard this on a flight from ATL-PHX on Christmas eve last year. Was a great way to start the flight.

MT

Any chance anyone knows the wording to the safety announcement to this tune and could print it here?

This isn't exactly a knee slapper but I found it somewhat humorous. On a transcon flight not too long ago, the line to the FC lav stretched down the aisle into coach. It seemed there were always a half dozen or more folks in line.
We were at cruise altitude, flight was smooth, not a cloud in sight. The pilot announces that he has a report of turbulence ahead and would all the pax immediately return to their seats. Once everybody was buckled in, the cockpit door opens and the pilot heads to the lav at a fast trot. He was in there for a looooong time! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/eek.gif
Once he vacated, the co-pilot hits the lav. Once they had both done their duty, the cockpit door closes, the seatbelt sign is turned off and the line to the lav forms again.
Never did experience the slightest turbulence! Guess it's better to be safe than sorry.... http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

Maybe the turbulence wasn't outside the plane http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/biggrin.gif

I haven't found the safety announcment version yet, but here is one for the pilots:


"Twas the Night Before Christmas"
(Aviator's Version)

'Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,
Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.
The aircraft were fastened to tie downs with care,
In hopes that come morning, they all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,
With gusts from two-forty at 39 knots.
I slumped at the fuel desk, now finally caught up,
And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.

When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,
I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.
A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
Called for clearance to land at the airport below.

He barked his transmission so lively and quick,
I'd have sworn that the call sign he used was "St. Nick."
I ran to the panel to turn up the lights,
The better to welcome this magical flight.

He called his position, no room for denial,
"St. Nicholas One, turnin' left onto final."
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!

With vectors to final, down the glideslope he came,
As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:
"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!
On Comet! On Cupid!" What pills was he takin'?

While controllers were sittin', and scratchin' their head,
They phoned to my office, and I heard it with dread,
The message they left was both urgent and dour:
"When Santa pulls in, have him please call the tower."

He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,
Then I heard "Left at Charlie," and "Taxi to parking."
He slowed to a taxi, turned off of three-oh
And stopped on the ramp with a "Ho, ho-ho..."

He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk,
I ran out to meet him with my best set of chocks.
His red helmet and goggles were covered with frost
And his beard was all blackened from Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale,
And he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.
His cheeks were all rosy and jiggled like jelly,
His boots were as black as a crop-duster's belly.

He was chubby and plump, in his suit of bright red,
And he asked me to "fill it, with hundred low-lead."
He came dashing in from the snow-covered pump,
I knew he was anxious for drainin' the sump.

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.
He came out of the restroom, and sighed in relief,
Then he picked up a phone for a Flight Service brief.

And I thought as he silently scribed in his log,
These reindeer could land in an eighth-mile fog.
He completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear,
Then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell, "Clear!"

And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,
He called up the tower for clearance and squawk.
"Take taxiway Charlie, the southbound direction,
Turn right three-two-zero at pilot's discretion"

He sped down the runway, the best of the best,
"Your traffic's a Trinidad, inbound from the west."
Then I heard him proclaim, as he climbed thru the night,
"Merry Christmas to all! I have traffic in sight."

ok, so this one is a jab at delta, but hey, it got a laugh when used as part of a safety demo on a southwest flight:

"This is a nonsmoking flight. Simply put, don't smoke. There's a smoke detector in the bathroom. Don't mess with it. If you do, there's a $2000 fine, and we all know, if you had $2000, you'd be flying Delta."

Since I know the person involved, I will have to change the originating station but the story is still the same.

I am flying from IND to the west coast and the other half of my party is going the same place leaving from say, MCN...what I am getting at is that is from a place that Delta only flies to ATL. So, I get to ATL before he leaves and I get a call that says, "go buy me a belt". Bewildered and wanting an explanation, I finally concede the issue and go buy the belt.

So, the story goes, he is standing at the ticket counter and his button breaks on his pants and he doesn't have a belt on. The pants go down revealing his Betty Boop boxer shorts (I really don't know what kind they were but some kind of character). Mind you, the ticket agent can't see this because he is right against the counter. He simply says, "excuse me" and bends over a pulls his pants up. Of course, the people behind him in line (all of them are going on the same flight to ATL as well) are just busting out laughing and I just wish I could have heard the conversation between the ticket agent and the next passenger.

Many of the passengers were present when I met him at the game in ATL and delivered his belt to him.

Boy, I hope he doesn't read this.