TFTG - Pigs can and unfortunately do fly (read only on empty stomach!)
Aug 13, 2009, 3:53 am
#1
Fontaine d'honneur du Flyertalk
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Morbihan, France
Programs: Reine des Muccis de Pucci; Foreign Elitist (according to others)
Posts: 19,175
TFTG - Pigs can and unfortunately do fly (read only on empty stomach!)
This is a health warning. If you have a delicate constitution then please – do yourself a favour and turn away now. This is not for those weak of stomach.
This Tale – like so many TFTGs concerns matters below the waistline. It may make you yearn for the Golden Age of Colonic Irrigation. I have had to alter one or three items to protect identities for what will be obvious reasons. This is more a relating of a flight from hell for the poor people who had to share a cabin (read a sty) with the likes of this person. The more amusing one will appear shortly and is half typed. I do find that I can do this quicker when I am Ms Disgusted of Berrylands.
I have just got back from the USA and I write this in absolute disgust about one of our charming “premium” (Club World ) passengers who enjoyed the Champagne and had got and raided the larder. All night long. He must have weighed 22 stone. He took off his shoes and stuck his feet up in the air. He then took his socks off and (according to the other passengers) used the cloth between his toes. He then blew his nose on the cloth and left the cloth (they had been collected) up on the divider. He got up and down to the toilet and every time he did he sort of bounced up and down and the seat shook like a leaf. The poor man (was it one of you?) the other side was far from amused.
Mr Slim line – a Gold Card holder no less then watched the screen and picked his nose and then used his finger on the screen. He drank more Champagne. He scratched his crotch so much that another gentleman (you can see that this exhibition was well observed). He ordered his meal as though the Purser was his personal servant (didn't look at him once - no please, no thank you - just gimme (he was not British nor was he American - mittel Europa I'm sorry to say) I am mortified to say). As he was clumsy as well as elegant in manners and behaviour he removed his trousers and sat in his once white underpants. These had holes in and not the one put there by the garment maker. They were quite small and quite tight. They nearly brought a blush to these maidenly cheeks (
).
He then removed his shirt and sat in his vest. Clearly he was a stranger to deodorant as well according to the Purser.
As he watched the telly, he scratched stuck his hand in his underpants and had a good sort out down there as well. He then appeared to sniff his fingers after he had done so. (One of the crew drew unfavourable comparisons with The Father in the Royle Family)Some lady came and reported this to the crew who were just dreading something of the sort. Anyhow, he wolfed his meal down and sort of passed out. The crew got his meal detritus cleared and the glasses cleared so that there were no more accidents. They put a blanket on him/. The cabin quietened down for the night. Then he started to snore. At both ends. Champagne is a gassy drink and the good Lord devised the body to release excess gas by two means. Enough said. He did. Every time he did so the poor man next to him was shaken awake. (The crew actually heard the first rip from the galley and went back dreading what they might find. I am sorry I did warn you. )
We moved the poor soul opposite into the one spare seat in F and he went fast asleep after a drop of bandy and some TLC from the CSD (I expect that the brandy was infinitely better).
Mr P slept and snored - we tried to do something about both but managed only by nearly running out of air freshener. He awoke when we served breakfast. At least put a blanket in his lap and said yes to everything. He then belched with a force that made the whole cabin stop and look. Bits of undigested food had flown through the air and were on the screen and indeed on the seat of the man that we had moved. He got up (again) and waddled off to the bathroom. He returned got his bag down and decided to change his underpants. This was too much and a crew member shot down and said Sir You do not do that here - pull those back up and go and change in the bathroom.
"But it is full!"
"No matter Sir - you do not do this in front of the whole cabin"
“On Lufthansa they are making no fuss. Why you make all this fuss"
I was on the case by now and said
"Sir this is a British Aircraft, this is deemed a public area and you can be seen by everybody. I neither know nor care what Lufthansa allow or do not allow you will not do that here. I am afraid that I also have to say to you that I have had nothing but complaints about your behaviour and personal habits."
“I shall not travel with you again, you are very rude woman”
“And you” said a male voice at my side “Are the filthiest, dirtiest, most disgusting man I have ever flown with. We have had to put up with you belching and farting all night long – your seat look like pigs had been sitting there and now you are trying to change your pants in public. You are a disgrace! Please do not travel with this airline again if I ever see you in the Boarding Area I will change my flight”
There was instant applause. Not often you get that except if we have Italian passenger and the aircraft lands in one piece.
The Pig stared at this indignant and very angry passenger and then stomped off with his clean (er?) underwear in his hands. He went into the galley and changed there before anyone could stop him pulled the curtain – I flew through. The crew member concerned and I had a view of the Moon of Bavaria.
“You make complaint against me and make passengers rude to me and then disturb me whilst I pants am changing. I complain too that seat is broked (sic)”
“Please return to that seat now Sir” I said” or broked will be more than the seat”
Fortunately none of the passengers saw this Mr P then muttering he went back to his seat and crashed down for the last time. We can but hope that it is the last time.
It is a long time since I was party to such disgusting behaviour from any passenger. The crew and I really were at a loss as to what to do about it. Is it our job to teach people basic manners and personal conduct? He was completely oblivious to anybody else and was directly rude to no one.
We taxied to the gate and off everyone got including Dear Passenger. I have made a report and have a handful of Business Cards from people who were disgusted and who did not blame us for the conduct of “that animal”. You can provide good product, good service but what do you do about this? Ruins the whole thing for everyone.
Sorry if that upset your lunch/dinner/tea/breakfast – but I thought that I would share this with you. As a nurse in the old days, he would have had an enema and we would all have had peace. This is not part of the onboard medical kit. If it were it would have to be signed out. What would I put as the reason for using – Lethal Gas threatened Club World cabin. No, far too over the top even by my standards.
Right – the siren call of the hairdryer summons me and I must obey. Justin my colourist does not like to be kept waiting!
This Tale – like so many TFTGs concerns matters below the waistline. It may make you yearn for the Golden Age of Colonic Irrigation. I have had to alter one or three items to protect identities for what will be obvious reasons. This is more a relating of a flight from hell for the poor people who had to share a cabin (read a sty) with the likes of this person. The more amusing one will appear shortly and is half typed. I do find that I can do this quicker when I am Ms Disgusted of Berrylands.
I have just got back from the USA and I write this in absolute disgust about one of our charming “premium” (Club World ) passengers who enjoyed the Champagne and had got and raided the larder. All night long. He must have weighed 22 stone. He took off his shoes and stuck his feet up in the air. He then took his socks off and (according to the other passengers) used the cloth between his toes. He then blew his nose on the cloth and left the cloth (they had been collected) up on the divider. He got up and down to the toilet and every time he did he sort of bounced up and down and the seat shook like a leaf. The poor man (was it one of you?) the other side was far from amused.
Mr Slim line – a Gold Card holder no less then watched the screen and picked his nose and then used his finger on the screen. He drank more Champagne. He scratched his crotch so much that another gentleman (you can see that this exhibition was well observed). He ordered his meal as though the Purser was his personal servant (didn't look at him once - no please, no thank you - just gimme (he was not British nor was he American - mittel Europa I'm sorry to say) I am mortified to say). As he was clumsy as well as elegant in manners and behaviour he removed his trousers and sat in his once white underpants. These had holes in and not the one put there by the garment maker. They were quite small and quite tight. They nearly brought a blush to these maidenly cheeks (
).He then removed his shirt and sat in his vest. Clearly he was a stranger to deodorant as well according to the Purser.
As he watched the telly, he scratched stuck his hand in his underpants and had a good sort out down there as well. He then appeared to sniff his fingers after he had done so. (One of the crew drew unfavourable comparisons with The Father in the Royle Family)Some lady came and reported this to the crew who were just dreading something of the sort. Anyhow, he wolfed his meal down and sort of passed out. The crew got his meal detritus cleared and the glasses cleared so that there were no more accidents. They put a blanket on him/. The cabin quietened down for the night. Then he started to snore. At both ends. Champagne is a gassy drink and the good Lord devised the body to release excess gas by two means. Enough said. He did. Every time he did so the poor man next to him was shaken awake. (The crew actually heard the first rip from the galley and went back dreading what they might find. I am sorry I did warn you. )
We moved the poor soul opposite into the one spare seat in F and he went fast asleep after a drop of bandy and some TLC from the CSD (I expect that the brandy was infinitely better).
Mr P slept and snored - we tried to do something about both but managed only by nearly running out of air freshener. He awoke when we served breakfast. At least put a blanket in his lap and said yes to everything. He then belched with a force that made the whole cabin stop and look. Bits of undigested food had flown through the air and were on the screen and indeed on the seat of the man that we had moved. He got up (again) and waddled off to the bathroom. He returned got his bag down and decided to change his underpants. This was too much and a crew member shot down and said Sir You do not do that here - pull those back up and go and change in the bathroom.
"But it is full!"
"No matter Sir - you do not do this in front of the whole cabin"
“On Lufthansa they are making no fuss. Why you make all this fuss"
I was on the case by now and said
"Sir this is a British Aircraft, this is deemed a public area and you can be seen by everybody. I neither know nor care what Lufthansa allow or do not allow you will not do that here. I am afraid that I also have to say to you that I have had nothing but complaints about your behaviour and personal habits."
“I shall not travel with you again, you are very rude woman”
“And you” said a male voice at my side “Are the filthiest, dirtiest, most disgusting man I have ever flown with. We have had to put up with you belching and farting all night long – your seat look like pigs had been sitting there and now you are trying to change your pants in public. You are a disgrace! Please do not travel with this airline again if I ever see you in the Boarding Area I will change my flight”
There was instant applause. Not often you get that except if we have Italian passenger and the aircraft lands in one piece.
The Pig stared at this indignant and very angry passenger and then stomped off with his clean (er?) underwear in his hands. He went into the galley and changed there before anyone could stop him pulled the curtain – I flew through. The crew member concerned and I had a view of the Moon of Bavaria.
“You make complaint against me and make passengers rude to me and then disturb me whilst I pants am changing. I complain too that seat is broked (sic)”
“Please return to that seat now Sir” I said” or broked will be more than the seat”
Fortunately none of the passengers saw this Mr P then muttering he went back to his seat and crashed down for the last time. We can but hope that it is the last time.
It is a long time since I was party to such disgusting behaviour from any passenger. The crew and I really were at a loss as to what to do about it. Is it our job to teach people basic manners and personal conduct? He was completely oblivious to anybody else and was directly rude to no one.
We taxied to the gate and off everyone got including Dear Passenger. I have made a report and have a handful of Business Cards from people who were disgusted and who did not blame us for the conduct of “that animal”. You can provide good product, good service but what do you do about this? Ruins the whole thing for everyone.
Sorry if that upset your lunch/dinner/tea/breakfast – but I thought that I would share this with you. As a nurse in the old days, he would have had an enema and we would all have had peace. This is not part of the onboard medical kit. If it were it would have to be signed out. What would I put as the reason for using – Lethal Gas threatened Club World cabin. No, far too over the top even by my standards.
Right – the siren call of the hairdryer summons me and I must obey. Justin my colourist does not like to be kept waiting!
Aug 13, 2009, 3:59 am
#2
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Birmingham, West Midlands, UK
Programs: Mucci, BMI*G, M&M SEN, FB Gold, PC Plat, Father of GhettoIFE
Posts: 3,972
Oh dear PUCCI. What a ... umm... Pig. 
They say you can buy first class travel (or business class travel), but manners can be kept strictly 3rd class.. and this is a classic example of it.
Great work and thank you for typing up this... experience. ^
They say you can buy first class travel (or business class travel), but manners can be kept strictly 3rd class.. and this is a classic example of it.
Great work and thank you for typing up this... experience. ^
Aug 13, 2009, 4:22 am
#4
Join Date: Mar 2007
Programs: BA Gold
Posts: 180
OMG - don't BA have a pill or some other such remedy for animals like this.
Sounds to me that you are being very unfair to Pigs which by all accounts are affectionate creatures - this clear wasnt. Sounds too that the other passengers showed remarkable restraint
Sounds to me that you are being very unfair to Pigs which by all accounts are affectionate creatures - this clear wasnt. Sounds too that the other passengers showed remarkable restraint
Aug 13, 2009, 4:31 am
#5
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PLH
Programs: Mucci Master of the Skies, Does anyone read any further than Mucci anyway? BAEC Blue
Posts: 696
My dear PUCCI, you and your crew have to put up with some really disturbing people. Hats off to you all for dealing with this slob in the way that you did. Once it was discovered that you had some swine onboard, did you not make an attempt to have him moved to the cargo hold where he would have been better suited?
I do hope I don't end up with anyone like that on my future flights. He may well be given a copy of this thread: Some people have no manners.
Aug 13, 2009, 4:41 am
#6
Join Date: May 2005
Location: MEL
Programs: QF WP, VA, AA
Posts: 1,505
Yeeech! Sometimes wish they'd build ejector seats into civilian aircraft!
I'm so glad I've never had to put up with someone like that...come to think of it, not sure that I would. But then I'd probably get into strife!
I'm so glad I've never had to put up with someone like that...come to think of it, not sure that I would. But then I'd probably get into strife!
Aug 13, 2009, 4:42 am
#7
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: London/New York
Programs: BA Gold for life
Posts: 250
A gold card holder? Presumably quite a few other crews have had to put up with this as well, in that case. You really do have to put up with some crazy behaviour sometimes; I can only say you all deserve medals for dealing with this in a professional manner. It really is amazing how some people can be so self-centred and myopic.
Aug 13, 2009, 4:56 am
#8
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Egham, Surrey, UK
Programs: Mucci Champion des Champions, BAG4L, *A Gold, HH DIA, Hyatt Explorist, Hertz Gold, Avis President
Posts: 3,416
PUCCI dear my stomach is churning - how on earth can anyone but so completely lacking in manners? Shame you couldn't have moved him to the hold
Aug 13, 2009, 5:14 am
#9
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: London, UK
Programs: BA GGL, HHonors Diamond
Posts: 910
Yuk. This behaviour is disgusting anywhere, public or not. I hope all seats involved were well disinfected....
Even in these financially tested times, I think BA would be well shot of this individuals custom, gold card holder or not.
Even in these financially tested times, I think BA would be well shot of this individuals custom, gold card holder or not.
Aug 13, 2009, 5:21 am
#10
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: BNE
Posts: 2,622
I am surprised that the crew took so long to approach the offending passenger despite what they had witnessed and the complaints they'd received. Instead things were left to build up (including crew and passenger blood pressure) and ultimately resulted in a fairly vicious public humiliation of the passenger.
Aug 13, 2009, 5:51 am
#14
Join Date: Jul 2006
Programs: SQ-PPS+8, BA-Mucci Diamente, Mucci Siegneur des Bains Chauds
Posts: 2,286
And to think someone else will have to sit in this seat. Thank god he wasn't in F. Couldn't you have diverted to Thule or Keflavik and offloaded said pig? If I can't bring bottled helium onto the aeroplane to blow up party baloons I don't see why he should be allowed to fart CH4 all night long.
Aug 13, 2009, 5:56 am
#15
Join Date: May 2007
Location: London WC2/W1
Programs: BAEC Silver; Muccis du Monde des Peluches
Posts: 6,627
Isn't it within BA's rights to remove that?
I guess at least a note could be made to ensure he never gets GGL, which is an "invitation only" level, isn't it? I know that United do review any notes they have on passenger behaviour when it comes to giving out UGS status.
I guess at least a note could be made to ensure he never gets GGL, which is an "invitation only" level, isn't it? I know that United do review any notes they have on passenger behaviour when it comes to giving out UGS status.