The Journalists Guide to Writing About BA

Old May 21, 2024, 10:56 am
  #16  
 
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Never order coffee and/or tea or have ice in your drink. Mention that this 'hack' was revealed by an 'air hostess' who never drinks coffee and/or tea or has ice in their drinks onboard.
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Old May 21, 2024, 12:01 pm
  #17  
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Originally Posted by flyslow
Never order coffee and/or tea or have ice in your drink. Mention that this 'hack' was revealed by an 'air hostess' who never drinks coffee and/or tea or has ice in their drinks onboard.
I drink tea twice a day and have coffee - lots of it - at breakfast. The ice in my drinks would scupper the Titanic. The power in my hairbrush is that of a juggernaut.

"British Airways has hired to replace it's existing catering team Madame Pucci Galore. An Alumni of Hogwarts and La Varenne - Madame Galore has been given Carte Blanche to upgrade the inflight cuisine and as British Airways seeks to gain its prestige lost to airlines of the Gulf and Africa. British Airways had a culture of Excellence and Prestige. Club Europe improvements will include true Business Class seating for 5 rows complimented by locked doors so the Eurotrashtraveller passengers will be kept from using the Luxury Lavatories reserved for the Exclusive Passengers in the Business Cabin. They will enjoy Pre-Flight Welcome Champagne with Hot towels. Delicacies such as Foie Gras, Caviar, and Smoked Salmon. This will be followed by ChateauBriand, cooked to their liking, Lobster a la Riseholm or Filet de Turbots. The meal will complete with fine cheese from Paxton and Whitfield and Patisserie Fine. 8 bottles of Krug Champagne along with the finest wines from Bordeaux, Burgundy, or the Rhone. Two dedicated professional Cabin Crew members will provide the service terminating with freshly brewed Lavazza and Tea Assorted salads will be available for pre-ordering along with Other Special Requirement meals"

(No upgrades, No Redemptions, and certainly no Riff-raff)

Ms Galore was unavailable for comment as she was busy turning Mr Walsh back into a toad.

My contribution to daftness - and bless you Sealink for starting this - it''s so refreshing.
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Old May 21, 2024, 12:28 pm
  #18  
 
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Originally Posted by crazy8534
Everyone in the CCR = CELEBS AND VIPS
I was fortunate to chat with FT celebrity and VIP KARFA yesterday. How can I submit an article to the Sun about this life-changing experience?
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Old May 21, 2024, 12:58 pm
  #19  
 
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GGLs are referred to as 'Ultra-Elite Frequent Flyers' apparently by the online journalists who should know better...
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Old May 21, 2024, 1:30 pm
  #20  
 
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Use the phrase "jumbo jet" under a photo of a A319
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Old May 21, 2024, 9:57 pm
  #21  
 
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Must remember to mention the marvels of the modern age, and call any jet a "jumbo jet a behemoth of the skies, colossal, vast wings, a marvel of engineering and imagination, and how it defies gravity.

Airports are aerodromes, bustling places of unceasing activity, full of people shivering with both trepidation and excitement, yet all united by the marvel of flight.

Cabins are veritable salons in the sky, furnished with plush seats and adorned with modern conveniences that astonish the travelers soul.

Then we have the engines roaring in to life with a ferocity akin to the charge of a thousand stallions, soon to speed down the runway. Always mention leaving behind the familiarity of terra firma. The earth below receding into a patchwork quilt of greens and browns, while the sky above stretches into an infinite expanse of azure. Clouds, once distant and ethereal, become companions, floating alongside in serene majesty.

Attendants are always courteous and efficient. Refreshments are delightful, and include delicate sandwiches served while traversing the heavens! Of course at an altitude that defied all natural laws. This marvel of flight, the jumbo jet (any aircraft) represents the pinnacle of human achievement, a testament to mans boundless curiosity and ambition.

The aeroplane gently touches down, always. Passengers have a shared sense of wonder and relief, having partaken in an airborne odyssey together.

End with feet once more touching solid ground.
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Last edited by GeoffSmith; May 21, 2024 at 10:09 pm
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Old May 22, 2024, 12:27 am
  #22  
 
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When using a stock BA photo, the article quickly loses factual credibility when it uses one of a 747, 757, 767, etc!
Daily Mail - BA from recent months.

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Old May 22, 2024, 1:13 am
  #23  
 
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Originally Posted by GeoffSmith
Must remember to mention the marvels of the modern age, and call any jet a "jumbo jet” a behemoth of the skies, colossal, vast wings, a marvel of engineering and imagination, and how it defies gravity.

Airports are aerodromes, bustling places of unceasing activity, full of people shivering with both trepidation and excitement, yet all united by the marvel of flight.

Cabins are veritable salons in the sky, furnished with plush seats and adorned with modern conveniences that astonish the travelers soul.

Then we have the engines roaring in to life with a ferocity akin to the charge of a thousand stallions, soon to speed down the runway. Always mention leaving behind the familiarity of terra firma. The earth below receding into a patchwork quilt of greens and browns, while the sky above stretches into an infinite expanse of azure. Clouds, once distant and ethereal, become companions, floating alongside in serene majesty.

Attendants are always courteous and efficient. Refreshments are delightful, and include delicate sandwiches served while traversing the heavens! Of course at an altitude that defied all natural laws. This marvel of flight, the jumbo jet (any aircraft) represents the pinnacle of human achievement, a testament to mans boundless curiosity and ambition.

The aeroplane gently touches down, always. Passengers have a shared sense of wonder and relief, having partaken in an airborne odyssey together.

End with feet once more touching solid ground.
This is exactly what I feel about flying. I stare out the window at the puffy fluffy clouds and wonder how it can all possibly be true.
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Old May 22, 2024, 4:46 am
  #24  
 
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Passengers in BA cabins must be referenced as follows:

World Traveller: Geoff and Doreen Sparks, travelling to visit their son and grandchildren in Sydney/Johannesburg/San Diego [Ed: delete as appropriate], who they havent seen in [insert number] years

World Traveller Plus: The son or daughter of Geoff and Doreen Sparks on a luxury holiday of a lifetime / honeymoon [delete as req.]

Club World: high-flying business executives who are pressed for time. They are always wearing a suit and tie. Executive power dress for the ladies. NOTE: if flight destination makes above executives less believable (see Maldives, Seychelles etc), only then may you refer to non-business travellers. You may refer to said executives taking a quick break, though must mention they will be taking Zoom calls on the beach.

First: Celebrities and VIPs only. There are no regular passengers in the First cabin.
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Old May 22, 2024, 4:51 am
  #25  
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Originally Posted by flyslow
Never order coffee and/or tea or have ice in your drink. Mention that this 'hack' was revealed by an 'air hostess' who never drinks coffee and/or tea or has ice in their drinks onboard.
Oh and the hack to get an upgrade "from an insider at British Airways"
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Old May 22, 2024, 5:48 am
  #26  
 
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The only altitude BA planes ever fly at is 30,000 feet - as in quaffing champagne at, joining the Mile High Club at, etc etc.
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Old May 22, 2024, 6:03 am
  #27  
 
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It's also mandatory to refer to LHR by its official name: "Europe's busiest airport"
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Old May 22, 2024, 6:29 am
  #28  
 
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Originally Posted by Nephoi
use pictures of BA planes they dont operated anymore (like 747/757), for interior any stock photo of aircraft interior will do (doesnt need to be passenger aircraft)
bonus points for using wide body aircraft pictures when talking about shorthaul operations.
Interior photos from the mock up of a Court Lines Tristar from 1973 are a must. And of course narrowbody pics when talking about the A380....
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Old May 22, 2024, 6:34 am
  #29  
 
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Originally Posted by DIRECT MERIT
The only altitude BA planes ever fly at is 30,000 feet - as in quaffing champagne at, joining the Mile High Club at, etc etc.
Although, I always thought it was amusing that you could technically join the "mile high club" at 5,000ft in the back of a Cessna but I imagine it would sell fewer romance novels...
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Old May 22, 2024, 6:51 am
  #30  
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Always post a photo of a shorthaul plane when talking about inter-continental routes and a 747 when talking about flights to Rome.
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