TFTG - The Supreme Snob in First

Old Dec 7, 2022, 4:36 am
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TFTG - The Supreme Snob in First

I often feel that my presence here contributes little to the General Knowledge of the group – I would never have been allowed to be assimilated into the Borg! I get bored with some topics and themes – most I ignore but some rankle when I think that there is unfairness or axes being grounded.

However someone that other day called me a Snob – not on here but elsewhere and whilst I now in retirement can enjoy not having to listen to the self-important blathering of people that I would not have across my house for a cup of tea – I remembered a real snob met aboard a British Airways flight back in the days before I folded my wings. My husband brought up this subject and as I know that other people's eccentricities of behaviour are a never ending source of entertainment, I thought that I would share this. All names have been changed deliberately.

Why it is always First that ended up with these people I suppose was inevitable and we come to the days when Avios could and did let people into F who probably had never enjoyed it (or otherwise for one can never please everybody) and two worlds collided. There were those who paid for themselves and who were already thin on the ground, and the people who had for all I knew had sold their grandmothers to travelling freak shows and their animals to commercial television advertising in order to accumulate sufficient Avios (Air Miles I think would be more accurate perhaps).

Marjory Slack appeared in a Dior twin set complete with pearls accompanied by Felicity (why do I recall these names with such accuracy and cannot remember why I went into the kitchen just now). She was dead spit for Dame Edna on a more tasteful day. She had, unfortunately, never benefited from anyone actually telling her that she was wrong in her opinions or standing up to her. A smile from here was like watching a cobra fixate its prey, and when she spoke – or should I say gushed – it was like watching honey drip from the same beasts’ fangs. She had condescension down to an art. I suspect that she could have awarded degrees in the subject. Felicity had the privilege of sitting next to her. With her was Jean who clearly was already put-out by her went to her seat in Business. I liked her at once – she was such a neat and no-nonsense lady and so beautifully turned out that I warmed to her. I had a couple of seats in First and asked her if she would like to sit nearer to her friends. Her answer was that she would, but please not too close to Marjory – Mrs Slack as I am not sure that I could bear it.

As I took her forward, Marjory had already stuck into the pre-flight Champagne. Even though she had declared that there was not really all that much of it.

“ Cooee Jean!” she trilled “ I’m so glad to that I asked to have you come up here even if you couldn’t afford it – I said that I couldn’t bear to be up here with you back there!”

“ Now we have to ask some of these nice people to move for you as I can’t talk to you from here, can I?”

“This nice woman (me) will quickly sort this out”

Jean was livid as was I. Fortunately whoever had the misfortune to it near her had not arrived, so I was able to shut this down.

“Madam – Miss Long’s seat is defective, so I moved her here but unfortunately all the other seats are taken by people who have not come yet”

I received a sort of shrug that implied that she was unimpressed as the answer was not to her liking. I left wishing the crew good fortune with her. I rather thought that she would be trouble.

Trouble broke out over the amount of ice in her Gin and Tonic and the mixing of same. She actually sent Felicity to the F Galley to supervise the mixing it as she “knew what Dear Marjory” actually liked. How Dear Marjory did not end up with a swizzle stick through her heart beats me. Felicity was referred to as Madge from then on as this was the name of Dame Edna’s stooge. The poor woman lived probably in genteel poverty and this woman had appeared like a Social Crow and was having more than her Pound of Flesh by paying for everything.

Lunch to Toronto that day had a small Rack of Lamb available. She unfortunately ordered it. Back in those days we were not running around sticking temperature checkers in everything. Moreover, it was not pre-plated, and you could actually get it pretty right.

“Now” said Madam Slack “ I am the daughter of a Gentleman Farmer and there is nothing about Lamb that I do not know. I need mine cooked so that it is a gentle shade of pink, but it must not be overdone that would never do. She’ll have the same” Madge handed back the menu in silence. The Crewmember smiled and spoke

“ Have you chosen Madam?”

“Did you not listen? I have told you what she will have!”

“I think that she should tell me herself – don’t you?” said he.” I am not going to be spoken to like that by the likes of you – get me whoever is in charge.”

“ Well Madam – you happen speaking to him,” said he

“I want that bossy woman (she got that right) and I will give her a piece of my mind”

“Marjorie! Are you giving orders to people who cannot answer back?” came a voice behind the crew member. Jean had clearly overheard and decided to intervene. “Felicity do not let her bully you – what do you want to eat? Come on now – you go and sit in my seat, and I will sit next to Marjory”

Jean was clearly a force with which to be reckoned. Marjory was subdued but not submissive. She argued that they ran out of this so often that she wanted to make sure that “Dear Felicity” had some as well.

Jean was taking no prisoners

“So, if they had run out – you’d have given her yours, would you? If we were by a window – I would probably see pigs flying past us!”

The meal service progressed. For a while. Then Marjory’s Lamb was served.

Immediately she complained that it was underdone (it wasn’t).

Jean had cut into hers and it was like that that Marjory wanted. Back out it came.

“Oh, Dear there is so much gravy on it – I cannot eat it with so much.”

It was removed and sent out without “gravy” as she put it – I forget which sauce it was, and it matters not.

“Oh, but I must have some gravy – put some on it” The poor Lamb went in and out of that galley. No one else made such a fuss out of nothing. Jean was sitting there trying to talk about something else. It was clear that Marjorie had one subject of conversation, and that was herself. She lived on the Smarter side of Cheltenham and was regularly talking about “my Beautiful (Beootiful as she pronounced it) House. It was then that the most snobbish moment arrived during clearing away.

“Jean” said she” I am most disappointed in my new neighbours”

“Why?” replied Jean “what have they done?”

“Jean – I was talking to them, and they said that they have a mortgage – can you imagine? In Charlton Kings? What is the world coming to?”

“Marjorie!” said Jean “For Heaven’s Sake – 95% of people in Britain who have a house have a mortgage!”

“Not in Charlton Kings” replied Marjorie.

How they got through the rest of the meal I have no idea. I went to see the Crew and they had overheard this and could barely believe it. At this point Jean appeared having seen me out the corner of her eye. She came to apologise for earlier.

“I am so sorry” she said “ That was typical of her. I am going to visit my family and she decides a week before I am due to go that she’d come and visit hers. She’s been like that since we were girls. Our Fathers knew each other – they always thought that they were better than everyone else. She used to have a Madam Shop where Madam came to buy her summer or winter outfit of the season for thousands and last years was packed off to the Charity Shop.

I’ll tell you something else – don’t worry she’s dozed off – all the stuff had dainty little tags had written with the price. I know for a fact that one item was Ł86 – she’d put a 1 in front of the eight -put a line through and sell it her “sales” at Ł93. The fools thought that they had a bargain. That shows you what you’ve been dealing with – a jumped up shop girl. She married Herbert and he drank himself into a divorce and she got thousands. Good Luck to her – but when she puts on all those airs and graces, she knows that I know too much for her to try it on with me. So, thank you for looking after me, and do not worry about her. I was in Personnel for years with a big Insurance Company and even now she can astound me. She’s always throwing her money around. You wanted to hear her staff talking about her behaviour behind her back!”

I could not resist it – I told her that some people paid only taxes to sit and used their Avios. Jean was intrigued – I suggested that it was probably best not to burden Madam with such information.

“Oh No!” said Jean with an impish gleam in her eyes “I intend to make sure that she knows that she’s probably the only person that has actually paid to be up there. She’ll love that. She won’t know what they are as she will not have seen them and would consider them beneath her. I shall tell her that they are like Green Shield Stamps. You are probably too young to remember those.”

“If only,” said I.

Since large Boeings and Airbuses have more than just one or two passengers, I went to attend to matters elsewhere. I subsequently heard that Marjory had found the box of chocolates and had emptied them all into her handbag on the basis that she might as well get something for all that money she had paid. I could but hope that she was stopped in Customs but that I cannot tell you. What I can tell you is that as she left the aircraft, she was heard to mutter that her return ticket would be changed to Air Canada as they would appreciate her custom. Felicity/Madge got down Marjorie’s Vanity Case as well as her own. Jean left first and the last I saw of her after she said goodbye and winked at us was her practically sprinting up the jet bridge. Madam left with her nose in the air and bid us goodbye with a silent inclination of her head. I suppose that when you are used to being the Queen of Charlton Kings, one learns how to incline one’s head in a manner that one’s crown does not slip. Lese=Majeste is frowned on at British Airways. As we all know.

I have been screamed at by Television Darlings, patronised by Captains of Industry and mouthed off at by Soap Opera Divas - but she remains in my mind as one of the worst cases of Solipsistic Condescension ever.



Happy Christmas One and All
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 5:10 am
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swizzle stick through her heart” - I wonder if there is an ICD-10 for that one…??!
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 5:40 am
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For some reason we boarded through F on a JFK-LHR last week and one of the passengers was loudly complaining that "these people" were being allowed into "FIRST CLASS". I was quite amused
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 5:47 am
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Just wow.... I always enjoy your TFTGs dear PUCCI. I cannot imagine facing what crew must go through on a daily basis - probably why I would never survive one day in the profession !
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 6:43 am
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Please slap me upside the head if I ever treat anyone else that way.
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 6:52 am
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If you ever wish to meet Marjory, my Grandmother will do a fine impression of her!

Merry Christmas Pucci & family!

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Old Dec 7, 2022, 6:56 am
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Originally Posted by sammyg901
For some reason we boarded through F on a JFK-LHR last week ...
When I last traveled back from NYC at the start of NOV boarding was also through F.... but they did open the good champagne on the ground!!!
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 7:15 am
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Marjory Slack appeared in a Dior twin set...
So ... bedsheets?

Apols for ignorance. I have a mortgage.
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 7:52 am
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Not just in F. An old cabin crew friend was serving meals in Y and placed one in front of a young child. He thanked her. The mum leaned over and told him he didn’t have to thank the woman. She’s paid to do this.
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 7:55 am
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Originally Posted by BearX220

So ... bedsheets?

Apols for ignorance. I have a mortgage.
No Love. It’s when you wear a jumper and cardigan of the same wool and colour. Often worn with and string of pearls which is much favoured by ladies. I have one in Cashmere (peacock). Having lived a life in dark colours with a splash of red, it makes a change.

Worry not, I too had a mortgage but by this time in question, we had paid it off.
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 8:40 am
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Oh, she would have been in for a rather rude awakening if she thought Air Canada would appreciate her custom to a greater extent than BA. Having travelled on both a number of times I can assure you the probability of feeling appreciated on BA is much higher (though both airlines have great and mediocre crews on any given day). Of course, with behaviour like this I suspect her custom would be best spent in economy on Air Kroyo, should they fly London to Toronto. Anyway back to work to make enough money to pay my mortgage. Many thanks for the laugh. Always such engaging writing.
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 11:08 am
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A simple "Thank You", dear PUCCI. Always a pleasure to read [in open mouthed horror] another TFTG!
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 11:23 am
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I love your storytelling. Thank you.
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 11:28 am
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Originally Posted by PAL62V
Not just in F. An old cabin crew friend was serving meals in Y and placed one in front of a young child. He thanked her. The mum leaned over and told him he didn’t have to thank the woman. She’s paid to do this.
I had almost the same happen to me, it was a child in the galley asking for a can of coke. After I gave it to him and actually before he could even thank me, (maybe my face showed the anticipation of a thank you), his father then said those exact words.
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Old Dec 7, 2022, 11:38 am
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Hyacinth Bouquet, B-U-C-K… (for those of us who are of a lesser vintage, in quality, than our esteemed storyteller)
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