Amusing Inflight Announcements
Feb 7, 2009, 2:03 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Nov 2008
Programs: AC SE
Posts: 1,014
Amusing Inflight Announcements
Ok, given all the doom and gloom regarding AC, I thought I might start a thread to showcase some of the lighter, more amusing in-flight announcements that have been given.
A few months ago, I was on a flight returning to YVR, and the FA popped onto the address system prior to landing and said the following "On flights of four hours or more, Transport Canada requires us to remind you of the number and position of the emergency exits on the aircraft. Just in case you are worried, the number and position of exits has not changed since we took off; there are still two up front, two over the wings, and two in the rear of the aircraft. Thank you for flying Air Canada."
I honestly thought I was on a WestJet flight!
A few months ago, I was on a flight returning to YVR, and the FA popped onto the address system prior to landing and said the following "On flights of four hours or more, Transport Canada requires us to remind you of the number and position of the emergency exits on the aircraft. Just in case you are worried, the number and position of exits has not changed since we took off; there are still two up front, two over the wings, and two in the rear of the aircraft. Thank you for flying Air Canada."
I honestly thought I was on a WestJet flight!
Feb 7, 2009, 2:13 pm
#2
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Toronto
Programs: UA 1K, AC MM E75, Marriott LT Ti, IHG Dia Amb, Hyatt Glob
Posts: 15,520
On a short hop from YUL-YYZ, we had an especially rough landing. Pilot came onto the address system and said "Folks, flying an airplane is a little bit like golf. Every now and then, you slice one."
Feb 7, 2009, 2:18 pm
#3
Join Date: May 2008
Location: BWI/WAS
Programs: UA 1K, RCC, HH GOLD, SPG, OMNI, KIMPTON, A-CLUB
Posts: 216
Last month on United from DEN to LA:
"Welcome to Los Angeles where the local time is 5:15PM. We will continue to taxi for a few minutes until we are directed to a gate."
"We know you have a choice of a number of cash-strapped airlines, so on behalf of this LA-based flight crew who were lucky enough to survive the last round of layoffs, we would like to thank you deeply, from the bottom of our hearts as well of our pockets for choosing United."
The deafened laughter from the passengers drowned out the engine noise.
"Welcome to Los Angeles where the local time is 5:15PM. We will continue to taxi for a few minutes until we are directed to a gate."
"We know you have a choice of a number of cash-strapped airlines, so on behalf of this LA-based flight crew who were lucky enough to survive the last round of layoffs, we would like to thank you deeply, from the bottom of our hearts as well of our pockets for choosing United."
The deafened laughter from the passengers drowned out the engine noise.
Feb 7, 2009, 3:10 pm
#4
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Vancouver, BC
Programs: Aeroplan 75K | Latitude Flight Pass junkie
Posts: 1,548
YYC-LAS:
We had an initial hard touchdown in LAS, then a second better one but continued a little bounciness before the nose came down.
FA came on, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Las Vegas. We hope you enjoyed our landingssssss..." Was cute.
Actually, except for one very busy-body control freak IC on that route I've always had very fun crews. Even ran into some of them on the strip and stopped, chatted and had a few laughs.
We had an initial hard touchdown in LAS, then a second better one but continued a little bounciness before the nose came down.
FA came on, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Las Vegas. We hope you enjoyed our landingssssss..." Was cute.
Actually, except for one very busy-body control freak IC on that route I've always had very fun crews. Even ran into some of them on the strip and stopped, chatted and had a few laughs.
Feb 7, 2009, 3:15 pm
#5
Join Date: Jul 2008
Programs: *A
Posts: 1,390
Last month on United from DEN to LA:
"Welcome to Los Angeles where the local time is 5:15PM. We will continue to taxi for a few minutes until we are directed to a gate."
"We know you have a choice of a number of cash-strapped airlines, so on behalf of this LA-based flight crew who were lucky enough to survive the last round of layoffs, we would like to thank you deeply, from the bottom of our hearts as well of our pockets for choosing United."
The deafened laughter from the passengers drowned out the engine noise.
"Welcome to Los Angeles where the local time is 5:15PM. We will continue to taxi for a few minutes until we are directed to a gate."
"We know you have a choice of a number of cash-strapped airlines, so on behalf of this LA-based flight crew who were lucky enough to survive the last round of layoffs, we would like to thank you deeply, from the bottom of our hearts as well of our pockets for choosing United."
The deafened laughter from the passengers drowned out the engine noise.
Feb 7, 2009, 3:21 pm
#6
Original Poster
Join Date: Nov 2008
Programs: AC SE
Posts: 1,014
One more from me:
Once when landing on a UA flight into SFO, the FA did the usual spiel about remaining seated until the seat belt light turns off then goes "Please note that San Francisco International Airport is a non-smoking airport. Please refrain from smoking except in designated smoking areas. I believe the nearest one is in Nevada."
Once when landing on a UA flight into SFO, the FA did the usual spiel about remaining seated until the seat belt light turns off then goes "Please note that San Francisco International Airport is a non-smoking airport. Please refrain from smoking except in designated smoking areas. I believe the nearest one is in Nevada."
Feb 7, 2009, 3:50 pm
#7
Join Date: Oct 2004
Programs: Aeroplan, Delta, Starwood, Fairmount
Posts: 2,312
One of my favourite ones...
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles, The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
If you google funny OR amusing OR hilarious "flight announcements" you'll get thousands of them...
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles, The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
If you google funny OR amusing OR hilarious "flight announcements" you'll get thousands of them...
Feb 7, 2009, 3:54 pm
#8
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Montreal
Programs: Aeroplan, M&M
Posts: 583
Last month, flying FRA-YUL the FA came on when we started our decent into YUL: "Ladies and gentlemen, we have started our decent into the north pole where it is a summery 30 degrees below zero. But thanks to our last fuel saving efforts we have enough reserves to turn around back to Frankfurt so if I can see by a show of hands who is willing to turn back."
People started laughing and quite a few raised their arms.
There was another time (awhile back) flying YUL-YYZ at 7:30ish am landing time we had the roughest landing that I have experienced in my life. It was as if the plane just dropped from the sky the last 30 feet or so. But after the landing the captain came on:" Welcome to Toronto, the financial district of Canada. And thanks to that landing, I am sure that everyone is awake and ready to get their day rolling!"
People started laughing and quite a few raised their arms.
There was another time (awhile back) flying YUL-YYZ at 7:30ish am landing time we had the roughest landing that I have experienced in my life. It was as if the plane just dropped from the sky the last 30 feet or so. But after the landing the captain came on:" Welcome to Toronto, the financial district of Canada. And thanks to that landing, I am sure that everyone is awake and ready to get their day rolling!"
Feb 7, 2009, 7:09 pm
#9
Join Date: May 2008
Location: BWI/WAS
Programs: UA 1K, RCC, HH GOLD, SPG, OMNI, KIMPTON, A-CLUB
Posts: 216
Also, another one I remember from Southwest many years ago. During the safety speech, they were on the part of the oxygen mask:
"In the unexpected loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. To properly use the mask...first...stop screaming...."
Then during taxi to the gate:
"Please take a moment to make sure that you have all of your personal belonging, including books, newspapers, hats, gloves. However, if you would like to leave wallets, expensive watches, gold jewelry, cell phones, dollar bills and coins, then please feel free to do so."
"In the unexpected loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. To properly use the mask...first...stop screaming...."
Then during taxi to the gate:
"Please take a moment to make sure that you have all of your personal belonging, including books, newspapers, hats, gloves. However, if you would like to leave wallets, expensive watches, gold jewelry, cell phones, dollar bills and coins, then please feel free to do so."
Feb 7, 2009, 10:17 pm
#10
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: YVR
Programs: Erstwhile Accidental AC E35K
Posts: 2,916
Just at that grotty time during boarding when the aisles are full of passengers stuffing their entire households into the overhead bins: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this flight is about to depart Chicago for Vancouver, British Columbia. If you are not travelling to Vancouver, the best time to get off the airplane would be right now."
Feb 8, 2009, 3:42 am
#11
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: x23.4, y14,5 z5
Programs: BBC World News
Posts: 89
A cross-country flight with an incredible amount of tedious announcements - every last one of them in English et en francais. As we are taxiing to the gate - one final blurb - this one only in English - "We would like to wish a very happy birthday to Monsieur Jean-Luc Vachon!"
Feb 8, 2009, 10:20 am
#12
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: YOW
Programs: AC E75K *G
Posts: 7,106
On a YOW-YYZ flight, upon landing the captain announced "Welcome to Toronto, home of the 1967 Stanley Cup Champions".
The funniest response to cabin announcements came from my younger son. He had picked up of the "that's what she said" joke from The Office (but doesn't understand the meaning). On a UA flight they had the safety video on overhead screens.
After every single safety statement made by the lady on the video he would say in a loud voice "That's what she said!".
I never realized how dirty a safety video could be.
The funniest response to cabin announcements came from my younger son. He had picked up of the "that's what she said" joke from The Office (but doesn't understand the meaning). On a UA flight they had the safety video on overhead screens.
After every single safety statement made by the lady on the video he would say in a loud voice "That's what she said!".
I never realized how dirty a safety video could be.
Feb 8, 2009, 2:07 pm
#14
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: YYJ
Posts: 4,137
You mean these phrases could be dirty??
-For your comfort and safety, adjust the strap so it fits low and tight around your hips.
-You may use "certain" electronic devices when advised by your crew.
-If you are unable or do not want to preform these functions, please ask the crew for assistance.
-To tighten the fit, just pull on the straps.
-You'll notice that the bag does not inflate.
-To wear it, simply tear open the package, remove it, and slip it over your head.
-You can also manually inflate it by blowing.
-For your comfort and safety, adjust the strap so it fits low and tight around your hips.
-You may use "certain" electronic devices when advised by your crew.
-If you are unable or do not want to preform these functions, please ask the crew for assistance.
-To tighten the fit, just pull on the straps.
-You'll notice that the bag does not inflate.
-To wear it, simply tear open the package, remove it, and slip it over your head.
-You can also manually inflate it by blowing.
Feb 8, 2009, 5:30 pm
#15
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: YEG
Programs: AC SE100K
Posts: 698
Once flying YEG-YMM in particularly bad weather, we had a really rough landing @ YMM.. The FA came on and announced "Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Ft. McMurray, the pilot has advised me due to the weather and the landing, you will be required to pick up your luggage at the beginning of runway 25".. I thought it was humorous.