greywolf

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Without her knowing, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet, where the little boy is also hiding.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - remembering last time, asks, "How much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."


A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again!"

greywolf

You so dumb, you go up to a cow and ask for 2%!

greywolf

There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving one day. So he went to the deepest part of the beach, got on his gear, and went underwater. He decides to go down 20 feet, and there he sees another guy with no equipment on. The man thought this was strange but we forgot about it and went down another 20 feet. There, he sees the same guy down there with no gear on. But the man decided to forget about it and go down another 20 feet. When he does, he sees the same guy 60 feet underwater with no gear on. Finally the man writes a note asking this guy how he can go so deep underwater without any gear. The guy writes back, ''Because I'm drowning, *******!''

yyznomad

Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.

yyznomad

Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

greywolf

How are politicians like diapers?
You have to change them both often, and for the same reason.

yyznomad

Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

greywolf

Woman: I have a problem.
Doctor: Well, are you regular?

Woman: Yes I am. Every day I do a number one at 7:30 in the morning and a number two at 8:30.

Doctor: So, what's the problem?

Woman: I don't get up untill 9:30.

yyznomad

Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

greywolf

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

greywolf

Yo mama so fat that every time she turns around, they throw her a welcome back party.

greywolf

Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic?
There's a 12-month waiting list.

yyznomad

Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

greywolf

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."

"Can I see one?"

"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom--" All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.

"What? What does it say?"

"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

yyznomad

Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!