<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">UNITED LAUNCHES 307 LOW-FARE CARRIERS
Bankrupt United Airlines says its will dismantle the existing carrier and launch 307 separate low-fare airlines in its place.
In a business plan filed with the bankruptcy court on Wednesday, United envisions dividing the assets and employees of the nation's second-largest airline among the 307 start-ups, each of which will serve a separate geographic area. United's Latin American service, for example, will become a new carrier called Macarena. United's current European operations will be spun off into a new airline called Waltz. On the highly competitive North Atlantic routes to London, United will create a low-fare carrier called Skiffle.
Domestically, United plans to launch at least 245 new airlines. Service from its Denver hub will be organized into a new airline called Rocky Mountain High. Flights to major urban areas such as New York, Chicago and Los Angeles will be organized into an airline called Doowop. A new carrier built around United's hub at Washington/Dulles will be called Sousa.
"I've been looking out the window of my company-funded, $18,000-a-month condo on North Michigan Avenue and I see the problem clearly," explained Glenn Tilton, United's new chief executive. "United is out of touch with the young, hip travelers of today. We need to get rockin'."
Speaking at a press conference where he introduced Grammy winner Jimmy Sturr as the chief executive of Polka, United's new low-fare operation for Ohio, Pennsylvania and upstate New York, Tilton rejected criticism that the plan was out of touch with operational realities and current musical tastes.
"I haven't been in this business almost 180 days without learning some hard lessons," he said. "I checked this out with my new homey [Delta chairman] Leo Mullin and consulted those gear guys over at McKinsey. We all agree that this is the kind of think-tank palaver that customers want."</font>