Sorry to hear about your SO's health issues, wishing them all the best.
I totally feel you on the ethical conundrum. There have been instances where I've found points/miles useful to get direct oneway routings that are out of my price range otherwise. I vowed that 2019 was the last year I would take out of the way routings for the sake of higher points and miles earnings.
Best of luck with your future free from the shackles.