TheFlyingDoctor

DY396, 13th July 2016
Dep: OSL Oslo Gaerdermoen 17:25 (local time)
Arr: LYR Svalbard Longyearbyen 20:25 (local time)
Flight length: 1255 miles, 3 hours
Operated by: Norwegian Air Shuttle (Boeing 737-800, LN-NGZ)
Seat: 9A (Economy)
Trivia: LYR is the world’s northernmost airport with scheduled passenger service

I take a busy train to an even busier Oslo airport, but having arrived a minute after check-in opens I suspect I have the luxury of time. First order of business is bag drop, and on Norwegian this is strictly a self-service experience unless you're disabled, a solo child or travelling with a pet. Apart from a BA trial at Gatwick years ago – when there were more staff helping with the self-service machine than at a regular desk - I've never done this, so of course I mess up immediately. Queuing for the actual bag drop station is a waste of five minutes as it turns out you have to first print the tags at a check in kiosk – which I had breezed past on arrival since I had checked in online. So I backtrack, make my best guess at where all the stickers go, then nervously dispatch my bag into the airport machinery without the involvement of any competent humans. Admittedly, without this incompetent human in the loop the process would have been much faster – even with errors, I was done in ten minutes which beats the Heathrow experience. So I imagine this will soon become the way of the world, just as with supermarkets.

Security has plenty of humans, so that's twenty minutes despite an advertised estimate of five; at least my chunky boots are allowed through on my feet and don't trigger an alarm. Longyearbyen is an oddity stacked on an oddity: non-EU member Norway is in Schengen (the reverse of the UK, which is in the EU but not Schengen) but Svalbard is not, so this domestic flight would be leaving from an international gate. That turned out to be an F gate, so between the hike and the queue for passport control another ten minutes ticked by.

There’s only a single shop at the F pier (where half a litre of water will run you 30NOK), but there is a pleasant enough seating area above the gates and you can grab two hours of free wifi. Norwegian advise me of a gate change by text message, which actually arrived promptly enough to be useful – although since we only swapped from F19 to F18 I’d probably have figured it out on my own eventually. By now there's no sign of the earlier thunder storm, which has either cleared away or only ever played out on higher ground. In fact, once I decamp to F18 it's positively humid, despite only a moderate 18C temperature outside. Quite a crowd has formed by 16:50, presumably as our plane (the youthful LN-NGZ) is at the stand, although it's quarter of an hour before they actually call for boarding.

That seems quite prompt, but in fact we just got herded into an even warmer jet bridge for nearly twenty minutes. There I listened to another passenger lament that whilst he had made the flight, his luggage hadn't – and thus he was entirely without arctic–appropriate clothing. I hoped again that I had tagged my own case correctly rather than somehow rerouting it to London.



I took my seat just two minutes before scheduled departure, with plenty more still waiting to board behind me – conveniently including the occupants of seats 9B and C, thus avoiding the awkward window seat shuffle dance.



Pushback at 17:38, and by 17:50 we’re aloft! The estimate from the flight deck is for two hours and forty minutes of flying; they also let us know it’s a positively balmy 7C at our destination.






The domestic menu is in effect; the most substantial offering being sandwiches (turkey and cheese or a vegetarian option). There’s a reminder that Norwegian law prevents the consumption of your own alcohol supplies on-board, but conveniently the airline can sell you some of theirs… I’m after a different treat, however, as the smell of the one hot option begins to permeate the cabin. Waffle time!






This probably doesn’t look that amazing (not least because I haven’t added the jam), but you don’t sell the sausage, you sell the sizzle, and (as future instalments will confirm) this was very much my kind of thing. Sadly I had polished it off by 18:40, and thus by 19:05 – not even half way – I’m a bit bored. There is free Wi-Fi, but for now it’s too slow to even post the obligatory “I’m on a plane!” to social media. However, the moving map and speed/height info are generated locally so I am able to keep an eye on those in the hope of upcoming scenery.

Roll forward an hour or so to 20:15 and we get the 20 minutes to go announcement and start our approach. I’ve never seen the crew since the food run so I still have my rubbish, and they make no attempt to collect it now either.






But never mind the practicalities. They’ve got me to the arctic for under £100, and the glacier-worn landscape unfolding outside the window is the star of the show. We’re approaching the airport (at the west of town) from east, along the course of a valley, so I’m on the correct side for a first glimpse of Longyearbyen. It’s…. well, it’s ugly. Function dictates form for the most part here, and the whole place looks like it could be rapidly dismantled if need be. Fortunately the geology redeems it – dramatic valley walls sweeping back to a glacier at the back of town (and once I got to explore on foot, the town quickly grew on me).






We bump down at 20:35, and 15 minutes later are staring down our first polar bear – the only security for the bag claim, which is landside. Outside is the next polar bear related photo opportunity: a hazard sign reminding you of the real thing, and just how far from home you are…






There’s a bus service that loops past the various hotels and lodgings – actually two, taking complementary routes, so it takes a while to process everyone onto the right one and to get them paid up. Cash is clearly best (75 NOK for a single, or 120 for what I presume is an indefinitely open return), although a card may work. What won’t work is brandishing a piece of paper that you claim entitles you to an inclusive airport transfer as part of your tour experience… the no-nonsense driver was having none of this, so we were deadlocked for a while until another passenger headed to the same hotel offered to pay on behalf of the paper-wielder. By 21:15 we were finally off, making the short trip to the Radisson via the docks, where we set down a clearly far more exciting individual who was retrieved by a waiting RIB to be spirited across the fjord to who knows where.