When you talk about upgrades as an AA EXP, you are talking about complimentary upgrades, correct?
Of course you are eligable for them, however they very rarely happen on QF. I have never been upgraded ever on an internatinal flight, chances for this to happen are slim. Where you are crediting your miles to will make little difference.
Upgrading with Miles is not the only method, the main one is to buy up to fare in the cabin you want to fly in. If that is not an option, upgrading with QFF points is a possiblity. Eligable booking classes are explained here:
http://www.qantas.com.au/fflyer/dyn/...-international
As far as I know AA Miles can't be used to upgrade on QF flights, only on AA, BA and IB. And yes, somebody else can use their QFF points to upgrade you as long as they are eligable family members. So if you have a cousin who has the points, she can try to upgrade you as well.