Old Jan 16, 10, 5:24 pm
  #32  
weero
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SIN/ZRH (time, not preference)
Programs: UA1K, LH GM, AA EXP
Posts: 28,928
do we need to stay politically correct?

Perhaps some more FT centric advice:
  • Do not forget to videotape the entire experience on the ground and the air with numerous HD cameras mounted to a scaffold which can be locked on the seat in front you
  • Do not forget to set the cameras to a clearly audible whistle should the SD cards or the batteries run low in order to keep the experience smooth
  • Make constant direct comments to the "F" camera - the one that faces you - about position, food, the accent of the pilot, and what you would like to do with that uber-chick of a purser. Keep the comments clear and graphic so that viewers from other cultures can follow your inferior thoughts
  • Force the service-underlings to bend down, so that the "F" camera gets a clear shot when they address you
  • Never forget that you can bring a toddler for free. This will train them early not to overvalue the F experience
  • Insist on bringing an emotional support animal on US bound routes (don't do this on Asian routes, should you have any emotional bonds to the emotional support animal)
  • A larger animal can help you eat more of offerings provided
  • Being so close to the cockpit never forget providing input for the pilots on changes of altitude, routing, and warnings of clouds - the crew must feel that it was a mistake not to install "Channel 9" on Lufthansa
  • Tell the crew in which detail AirAsia, VirginBlue, and TigerAirways are superior
  • book an outlandish route, so when it is axed, you don't have to pay the $250 to DividendMiles for rebooking and for a more serious shot at the upcoming A380 service
  • Bring scratching tools in order not miss any of the farmed fish eggs you just complained about
  • Bring a hard case carry on which doesn't bulge when you stuff the 'free' pillows, blankets, cutlery, and surplus PJs of other pax in there
  • Make sure to cut the "F" camera while you transfer the free offerings from the cabin to your bag
  • Once the grand deed is done, approach a clueless news magazine, claim to be a famous blogger, and report how LH does treat their most valuable customers and where there is room for improvement
  • Do not forget to post on FT that even you "do not pay full fare all the time" when traveling in F/ That down-to-Earth touch is much appreciated and will diminish the reprimands for heavy cross-posting of your venture
  • Do not forget to include stories about your epic idiosyncrasies when posting in other fora - this will establish you as a potential candidate for mythical creatures such a Jack Vroom or Mr. Pillows
weero is offline  
Reply With Quote