Worst Passenger of the Week: The Vigilant Xenophobe and the Imaginary Terrorists

Third Place – USA! USA! USA! The Record-Breaking Week

Some records are never meant to fall, but this week the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) announced that an unfortunate new milestone was reached. The agency seized a record-shattering 81 firearms from passengers attempting to board commercial flights between August 12th and 18th. A whopping 70 of the confiscated guns were loaded when passengers showed up at the security checkpoint and 31 had a round in the chamber.

TSA spokesman Michael England says there is a simple reason for the mind-boggling amount of firearms the agency discovers every week. “People typically say they just forgot it was there,” he explained.

With so many flyers overlooking a potential felony weapons charge in their carry-on bags, truly awful passengers have to work a little harder to stand out from the crowd. Not to worry – there were still a few slightly more creative travelers to pick up the gauntlet (so to speak). TSA screeners report discovering replica military shells in a checked bag at Tucson International Airport (TUS). The agency also confiscated a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-worthy collection of martial arts weapons at airports across the country.

The Runners-up – The Most Interesting Pilots in the World

These pilots don’t always drink beer before a flight, but when they do, co-workers prefer to alert authorities immediately. This week, not one but two commercial airline pilots had to be relieved of their duties after allegedly reporting to work to fly a passenger plane while intoxicated.

On Friday, a SriLankan Airlines pilot was reportedly removed from a flight at Frankfurt Airport (FRA) after failing a breathalyzer test. Fellow crew members raised the alarm when the pilot arrived to fly the Bandaranaike International Airport (CMB)-bound flight despite appearing to be “visibly drunk.”

Meanwhile, in a separate incident on Thursday at Traverse City Cherry Capital Airport (TVC), a first officer was arrested after police say he registered more than four times the legal limit on a breathalyzer test. In this case, the captain called authorities upon suspecting that his co-pilot was impaired.

“We are very proud of Captain Manny Ramirez’ immediate action in detecting the co-pilot’s condition and removing him from his position,” the charter company that employed both men said in a statement putting a decidedly positive spin on the incident. “This is yet another example of Talon Air’s safety procedures working effectively on behalf of our clients and for airport safety.”

The Winner – If You See Nothing, Please Say Nothing

When a passenger reportedly alerted EasyJet crew members that a group of three siblings was “reading ISIS materials” on a flight at London Stansted Airport (STN), the airline took the allegations very seriously. The women were quickly escorted from the Naples International Airport (NAP)-bound flight for authorities to investigate. According to the sisters, police were very interested in whether any family members were in possession of a Qur’an or any Arabic language literature.

It turns out not only were the sisters not in possession of any ISIS-related materials on their persons or their electronic devices, but they had apparently not been reading anything remotely religious or anything even written in Arabic. According to Maryam, Sakina and Ali Dharas, none of the three siblings, two of whom were born and raised in London, are able to even understand Arabic language writing.

The family was allowed to re-board the plane after it was determined that the nosy neighbor was mistaken about the family of Indian descent having terrorist ties. In May, in a similar situation, a University of Pennsylvania faculty member was removed from an American Airlines flight and interviewed by investigators because a fellow passenger considered the mathematics formulas that the Professor was studying to be suspicious. Much as in this most recent case, airline officials were quick to defend erring on the side of caution.

“The safety and security of…passengers and crew is our highest priority, which means that if a security concern is raised, we will always investigate it as a precautionary measure,” EasyJet said in a statement. “We would like to apologize for any inconvenience caused to the passengers.”

There is apparently no such policy in place to investigate members of the flying public who irrationally insist that fellow passengers are likely terrorists based only on ethnicity, exotic dress or seemingly strange languages. Such false accusations undoubtedly present serious security issues of their own – if only in serving to divert resources from actual threats to public safety.

[Photo: TSA]