Worst Passenger of the Week: Mile High Club Members Caught in the Act

Every Friday, FlyerTalk looks back at the week’s most charming individuals. While there are always plenty of contenders for our Worst Passenger of the Week column, only one lucky flyer can take home the glory.

Honorable Mention: Funk-y Behavior at the Airport 

A truck driver not only led police on a wild chase around the tarmac and runways at Western Nebraska Regional Airport (BFF), but the Canadian-national identified as Henry George Funk (yes, that’s his real name) may have also caused something of an international incident in the process. The 35-year-old was first spotted by police as he was leaving the San Pedro Restaurant and Watering Hole (yes, that’s a real place) after reportedly striking a pole and a fire hydrant with his semi moments earlier.

The resulting high-speed chase, which culminated with the truck crashing through a locked airport gate, eventually ended when Funk struck another pole near the runway. The truck driver was taken into custody following a brief standoff and now faces charges including DUI, flight to avoid arrest and leaving the scene of an accident.

There may be a potential face-saving solution to the inevitable diplomatic tensions caused by this incident. The airport colloquially known as the Scottsbluff Airport, is famous for its slogan “Hitch a Ride!” (an actual airport slogan) – if he can just convince authorities that he misunderstood the invitation, then it might go a long way towards excusing the airport trespass that occurred when Funk’s truck struck.

Honorable Mention: Fully-Loaded Charmin Revolver

It’s lucky for a traveler at a Newark Liberty International Airport (EWR) security checkpoint this week that bad taste is not against TSA regulations. When screeners spotted what appeared to be a handgun in the flyer’s carry-on bag, it looked like the pistol-packing passenger might be in big trouble. It turns out, however, the firearm was, in fact, a toilet paper dispenser designed to look like a real weapon.

A photograph provided, showing the offending bathroom fixture, illustrates both why screeners mistook the empty toilet paper dispenser as a potential threat and why hiring a professional interior designer is always a good idea. A TSA spokesperson indicated that, although the item was determined to be harmless (albeit tacky), it was where the flyer chose to pack his two-ply six-shooter that was the real issue.

“TSA does not permit travelers to bring real or replica firearms through a checkpoint,” the agency noted in a statement detailing the incident. “However, it would have been ideal to pack this pistol in a checked bag.”

3rd Place: Not All Records Were Meant to Be Broken

It was less than two years ago that a Worst Passenger of the Week earned the title by being the third passenger in a single day to attempt to bring a firearm through a TSA checkpoint at Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport (BWI). The flyer also had the dubious honor of attempting to bring a record-breaking 26th gun onto a plane departing from the airport. Now, it seems a new Worst Passenger candidate has managed to tie that achievement.

“With a little more than two months remaining in this calendar year, it is highly likely that a new record for the number of guns caught at BWI will be set in the days ahead,” the TSA said in a release noting the milestone. “The 26th gun caught this year was spotted Saturday, October 19, when an Annapolis, Maryland, man was found in possession of a 9 mm handgun loaded with 15 bullets in his carry-on bag. The man told officials that he forgot that he had his loaded semi-automatic handgun with him. A TSA officer spotted the gun in the carry-on bag while it was inside the checkpoint X-ray machine. The Maryland Transportation Authority Police were notified, arrived at the checkpoint, confiscated the firearm and detained the man for questioning before arresting him on weapons charges.”

2nd Place: The Soothsayer 

On Tuesday, a JetBlue flight bound for John F. Kennedy International Airport (JFK) was forced to divert to Fort Lauderdale–Hollywood International Airport (FLL) en route from the Dominican Republic, when a passenger interrupted the flight by insisting that the plane was going to crash. The flyer reportedly became increasingly agitated as her unfounded concerns were dismissed by crew members and fellow passengers.

Footage of the disruptive flyer posted to social media seems to indicate that she still believed the flight was in danger even after the plane had landed. The upset air traveler alternated between issuing a dire warning that the plane was about to crash and shouting that the aircraft had already crashed into the ocean and everyone was in the water.

“You don’t believe me!” the unidentified woman can be heard screaming as she is escorted from the aircraft. “It’s gonna crash! You guys believe me? It’s gonna crash! Look at your monitors! We’re in the water!”

According to local media reports, the passenger was removed from the plane by the Federal Air Marshal Service. She was later taken for a mental health evaluation.

1st Place: Mile High Glasnost

A couple allegedly caught having a lewd interlude on a Rossiya Airlines flight from Moscow Sheremetyevo Alexander S. Pushkin International Airport (SVO) to Vladivostok International Airport (VVO), not only got an earful from a flight attendant but were also arrested once the plane landed. It seems likely that the pair who had only just met at the airport (reportedly over several drinks) became fast friends.

Video of the onboard shenanigans, shows the unhappy cabin crew member attempting, mostly unsuccessfully, to separate the amorous pair. Despite her stern tone and admonishments about pending consequences, the harried flight attendant is unable to convey the seriousness of the situation to the otherwise occupied duo.

“Get your penis in your pants. Right now!” The crew member can be heard demanding. “Get your hand off his penis. Right now! You know, the captain has been informed that you performed oral sex in a public place…There is video footage, and we will be forced to report you to police…You were performing unacceptable actions in a public place…You showed your penis to her and she touched it with her hands…all this has been filmed.”

It seems the newfound lovers will be taking some time apart to ponder the future of their relationship. According to the Komsomolskaya Pravda, the pair is now facing 15 days behind bars and substantial fines following the rather eventful first date.

[Featured Image: Pxhere]