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Worst Passenger of the Week: “I’m in the Marines, I Could F—— Take All of You out”

Worst Passenger of the Week: “I’m in the Marines, I Could F—— Take All of You out”
Jeff Edwards

Every Friday, FlyerTalk looks back at the week’s most charming individuals. While there are always plenty of contenders for our Worst Passenger of the Week column, only one lucky flyer can take home the glory.

Honorable Mention: MAAd Money

In a story Quentin Tarantino should seriously consider optioning as a more down-to-earth sequel to Jackie Brown, four American Airlines flight attendants were arrested at Miami International Airport (MIA) on charges related to smuggling undeclared cash into the country. Three cabin crew members are accused of money laundering after being caught with a total of $22,671 in undeclared U.S. dollars by U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP). A fourth coworker and alleged ringleader was later taken into custody after the colleagues helpfully pointed investigators in her direction.

According to CBP officials, the crew members involved all arrived in Miami on a flight from Santiago de Chile Airport (SCL) and told authorities they were directed by fellow crew member Maria Beatriz Pasten-Cuzmar to “transport U.S. currency into the United States and deliver it to a known person.” Santiago is in the midst of a government-ordered State of Emergency brought on by days of sometimes violent and often destructive civil unrest.

American Airlines management has given the scandal involving its employees a poor review, telling reporters, “We take this matter seriously and are cooperating with law enforcement throughout their investigation.” If a big name star like Brad Pitt can be attached to the project, however, there is every chance the film version could easily get a green light from studio executives.

3rd Place: A Sheep in Wolves’ Clothing

Even though marijuana paraphernalia is considered illegal contraband in many jurisdictions and any trace amount of weed on a pot grinder could legally be considered drug possession in even more jurisdictions, there is too much to fear from bringing such a device through a TSA checkpoint. Screeners have bigger fish to fry and certainly aren’t looking for the tools used by marijuana enthusiasts – unless the tools in question happen to be inexplicably disguised to look like a hand grenade, as was the case this week at Bradley International Airport (BDL).

“The only thing more embarrassing than getting caught by @TSA with a replica hand grenade in your carry-on bag has to be bringing a marijuana grinder designed to look like a grenade,” TSA Public Affairs spokesperson Lisa Farbstein wrote in a Twitter post sharing the unusual discovery. “Just shaking my head on that. This was detected by TSA officers at @Bradley_Airport yesterday.”

Farbstein also shared a photograph of the offending replica grenade/weed grinder (which definitely looked realistic enough to catch the attention of screeners at the airport every time). In this case, the passenger was then placed in the tricky position of explaining that the suspected explosive device was actually harmless drug paraphernalia.

2nd Place: Never Go to Sleep Angry

Sometimes, going to sleep angry with your loved ones might just be the best course of action. Unfortunately, in the case of a British Airways passenger this week, the decision to retire for the evening came far, far too late. Airline officials confirm a plane headed from Punta Cana International Airport (PUJ) in the Dominican Republic to London Gatwick Airport (LGW) was forced to make an unscheduled stop at Shannon Airport (SNN) when an allegedly intoxicated flyer onboard became verbally and physically abusive to his romantic partner and travel companion.

“They moved his partner after she told the crew that he’d hit her,” one eyewitness on the flight told the Daily Mail. “She went to sit at the back of the flight and they had a crew member sitting right behind him trying to keep order. The flight manager came and spoke to him but he didn’t calm down. He kept going to the toilet and then he put on his rucksack and began walking aggressively up and down the aisle bumping into seats and generally posing a threat. They didn’t announce anything when the plane was diverted but you could see the destination change on the display. About 20 minutes before we got to Shannon Airport in Ireland he fell asleep.”

In an odd twist, when police boarded the aircraft in Ireland to take the previously raging passenger into custody, the officers struggled to wake the sleeping man. Passengers on the plane report that when the cops finally succeeded in waking the sleeping giant, he appeared to be unaware that there had been any sort of trouble on the flight and seemed surprised to find himself in Ireland rather than back home in England.

Worst Passenger of the Week Winner: “I Could F—— Kill You All If I Wanted

The Worst Passenger of the Week champion comes to us from the Military News, in a story that begs the question: How drunk do you have to be to get denied boarding on a Ryanair flight to Ibiza Airport (IBZ)? The answer apparently involves chugging an entire bottle of duty-free spiced rum prior to boarding the flight departing from Manchester Airport (MAN).

According to reports, it wasn’t until the well-lubricated air traveler was denied entry to his flight home that the real trouble started. Perhaps not surprisingly, his profane and not particularly well-reasoned arguments as to why he should be permitted to board were unsuccessful and instead resulted in his being taken into custody by police.

“What the f— you on about, you f—— slag?” the dissatisfied passenger reportedly shouted by way of an in-person customer service complaint. “Look at you with your Primark shoes on. I’m wanting a refund, give me a f——  refund. I am going to get you tomorrow…fat f——  b—-, munter, fat f——  tart.”

When a male gate agent attempted to intervene, the passenger unleashed an equally offensive tirade for some reason, even questioning the airport worker’s sexuality, while at the same time critiquing the employee’s hairstyle.

“Look at you sat there with your f—— wig on,” the irate air travel is said to have screamed. “You better shut the f— up or I’m going to take you all down, you f——  queer with a wig on.”

Continuing to not help his cause, the vocal passenger saved his most disturbing rant until he spied a uniformed employee of Asian descent.

“You are the reason I was in Afghanistan,” he announced. “I was fighting you all over there. I’m in the marines. I could f—— take all of you out. … I could f—— kill you all if I wanted. I fought for you, you should be ashamed.”

Before being arrested, the stranded traveler also reportedly attempted to kiss a female passenger and shouted a profanity at nearby children. In a Manchester courtroom, it was revealed that Benjamin Hoyle was actually an Army reservist rather than a Marine. It would appear that the outspoken soldier believed that he had received a field promotion from one Captain Morgan – though the 35-year-old says he has very little recollection of the events that transpired at the airport.

View Comments (6)

6 Comments

  1. DanishFlyer

    October 26, 2019 at 3:06 am

    How car three people be accused of smuggling a total of $23000 into the US when each person can bring anything less than $10000 in without reporting it?

  2. lianluo

    October 26, 2019 at 11:31 am

    Why is the American Flag featured in the story of the Marine/Army Reservist? He wasn’t in the US Military?

  3. hedoman

    October 26, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    “Thank you for your service.”

  4. alangore

    alangore

    October 26, 2019 at 12:56 pm

    The story about the Chilean FAs mystifies me. None of them had $10,000 on them, the minimum amount you have to legally report. So what was their offense? Was it just a good day for CBP to grab people’s money for no particular reason?

  5. drvannostren

    October 27, 2019 at 8:21 pm

    I’m starting to think UK airports need to take the same approach as football stadiums. There seems to be a decent chunk of travellers who can’t be trusted to drink responsibly.

  6. Bouncer

    Bouncer

    October 28, 2019 at 2:32 am

    The money wasn’t theirs. They were transporting it effectively as cargo on their persons, so it needs to be declared. Otherwise you’d have planeloads of people flying from Miami to Bogota every day with each of them carrying $9999.99. You could move more than 4,000,000 in cash every flight on a 747.

    Regards,
    -Bouncer-

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