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Flight Attendants

What’s the Funniest Thing You’ve Heard A Flight Attendant Say?

What’s the Funniest Thing You’ve Heard A Flight Attendant Say?

United Airlines is taking a page from Southwest Airlines.

It recently announced that starting April 1, its cabin crew members will spice up their in-flight announcements with a dash of personality. Southwest and a few other airlines have been doing this for some time – and the general consensus is, when it’s delivered well, passengers love it. Flight announcements can, at times, feel repetitive and the probability of tuning out is highly likely. When a flight attendant or pilot deviates from the script and injects a one-liner in between announcements, it makes for an unexpected but a more enjoyable flight experience.

We’ve rounded up some of our favorite in-flight announcements, in no particular order:

  • Pilot: “Ladies and Gentlemen welcome aboard this Southwest flight to Denver. We will be taking off just as soon I get through page 10 of this flight manual.”
  • “In a short time, we will serve refreshments. Please remember that we are in the airline business, not the food business.”
  • “I’ve just been informed that my mother in law has just passed security and will be shortly boarding this flight using one of my crew passes. If you all sit down fast, we should be able to get out of here before she arrives.”

  • “In the unlikely event of a water landing, just think of the incredible story you’ll be able to tell your grandchildren.”
  • “Your menu choices are chicken or pasta. If we’re out of your choice by the time we get to you, don’t worry, they all taste the same.”
  • On an early morning flight, “I noticed a few ladies who forgot to put on their makeup this morning. I’ll be dimming the lights for your convenience.

  • “Make sure you get all your personal belongings, personal problems, anything you brought on board and take it when you leave.”
  • “Thank you for choosing Southwest Airlines for your flight today. If you had any problems with this flight, just so you remember you were riding with Delta.”
  • “For those of you wondering about the weather at our destination, Honolulu is reporting sunny skies and temperatures of 86 degrees. Unfortunately, our destination is Nome, Alaska which is reporting 27 degrees below zero and blowing snow.”

What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard a flight attendant say?

[Source: Flickr]

View Comments (9)

9 Comments

  1. rlafler

    March 8, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    On arrival at LAX: “LAX is a nonsmoking facility. Please refrain from smoking until you are outside [slight pause] the State of California.”

    “Smoking is not allowed on this flight. If you wish to smoke, you may stand on the wing, where if you can hold it, you can smoke it.”

  2. kenish

    March 8, 2019 at 4:47 pm

    Hardest landing I’ve ever experienced in any aircraft (I’m a private pilot and no stranger to crappy landings). “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for participating in Alaska Airline’s ‘3 landings for the price of 1’ promotion”

  3. amanuensis

    amanuensis

    March 8, 2019 at 5:10 pm

    Prior to landing, “as we come through the cabin one final time, please make sure that all cups are passed to us. We need them for our next flight.”

  4. RR42

    March 9, 2019 at 12:19 pm

    On landing at DTW: “On behalf of Southwest Airlines, this flight crew, and the United Federation of Planets: Welcome to Romulus”.

    It’s a bit of an inside joke for Star Trek and geography nerds since DTW is actually in Romulus, Michigan.

  5. Barrheadlass

    March 10, 2019 at 3:31 am

    “If the oxygen mask drops down, when you stop screaming put it on leave me this.”

  6. CalRef

    March 10, 2019 at 10:37 am

    “Once again facts and research have overcome fear and superstition and our captain has found the airport. I will shortly be announcing if he found the correct airport.”

  7. RogueViator

    March 10, 2019 at 4:20 pm

    “Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Denver International Airport. We will be parking at the gate shortly. For those of you who have never been here before and have a connecting flight, please approach one of us as you deplane and we will be happy to tell you where to go.”

  8. shady

    March 12, 2019 at 4:50 am

    FLG-PHX flight: “In case we need to ditch into somebody’s pool, you will find you life jacket under the seat.”

  9. KenTarmac

    March 13, 2019 at 10:11 am

    “This is how a seat-belt works, which I realize is as redundant as teaching a dog how to bark.”

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