The Superhero Powers Every Flight Attendant Needs to Have

Walking into an airplane galley and uttering, “Hulk smash!” has a special power for me. When work throws me a particularly trying day, there’s no better way to express what my “flight attendant face” is concealing in the aisle. Normally, that’s the most I ever think about superheroes at work.

However, the Avengers movie inspired a bit of fun chat about what superpowers would be most useful to a flight attendant. At first I had no idea, but slowly, they came to me. Oh, how they came to me! I might want to be…

Storm

The first one is a biggie, and it’s for all of us. I’d love to be able to control the weather. The scheduling disasters of winter, the delays and cancellations, summer’s sudden thunderstorms and a lot of passenger-upsetting turbulence — all history! The downside is that everyone would want me to work every day, forever. Bummer.

Cuckcoo Sisters/Jean Grey/Saturn Girl/Emma Frost (aka The White Queen)

These gals have many talents, but I only need one — the power to broadcast thoughts inside a passenger’s mind. How amazing would that be?! No more flyers who refuse to take off their headphones, thus not realizing you asked them a question three times (even though they stared you in the eye and then looked away after giving you either a small smile or a death stare for interrupting their movie) only to scream at you minutes later because, “YOU SKIPPED ME!” No more repeated announcements for things passengers never listen to (“Please step out of your row…place your coat in the bin last…put your devices into airplane mode, etc.”) I could just squint at the offender – and ZAP! – beam the words right into their brain. No doubt now, guy, I’m talking to you!

(Super) Empathy

Of course, broadcasting how I feel would probably be helpful in a more substantial way. This is, technically, a broad category of abilities in the superhero universe(s). I’m not sure if any character uses empathic powers quite this way.

For example, I have always understood that crew scheduling is just doing their job, but when you’ve flown your tush off for weeks on reserve with minimum rest and they call you again, out-of-turn, just because they can, or call during your legal rest so they can give you a closer sign-in time and then say, “Well too bad, you answered the phone!” If they could feel the exhaustion in your bones and the fatigue shaking your hands? They might just realize, Hmm, this person is not just playing me. Maybe I should follow the rules and call the actual next person in line first. To be fair, I’m sure it’d be helpful to feel what they’re feeling also. Are they stressed out from pressure when they do such things, or just feeling mean-spirited? That would let me know how to best react, too.

This power holds potential for all work the groups who sometimes let the pressures make us forget to work together, instead of against each other.

Mystique

You know Mystique. She’s pretty unforgettable. While many focus on her body shape, what I covet is her power to mimic appearances. It might be my favorite idea yet — if a passenger or colleague is being ridiculous, I could just mirror their behavior back to them, literally. What a pointed response to just replay exactly what they did. This seems so satisfying.

It would also be a handy trick, when I forget names (every time, always) to just go, “Oh, you know, this guy!”

My husband really liked this topic (um, can you tell he helped?) and also felt very sure about the usefulness of me being the Invisible Woman, especially during the craziness of boarding. He also suggested Kitty Pryde, “Because she’s intangible.” She’s what now? “Intangible. She can move through floors and walls and stuff.” OK but, barring hijacking, that helps me in my job, how? “Ahh, erm, well…you could go to the cargo hold and visit the animals?”

It seems we’d come to the end of our superhero road for the time being, but I’m sure there are other nuanced powers for helping us finesse our jobs that we’ll come up with. No matter what, though, I’m never giving up “Hulk Smash!”

[Photo: iStock]