(If you are thinking about suicide, please talk to someone right away. You are worth it and you are far from alone. Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK)
I sat on the floor of my living room, in uniform, staring vacantly at the floor in between sobs that took every breath from my body. My mascara dripped like watercolor under my eyes as I felt a wave of heavy despair overcome me. I completely lacked the will to even take another breath at that point.
A barrage of life stresses broke me down and sunk me back into depression, and I’m pleased to say I’m feeling much better now – after being in a very dark place for a couple of days, I found solace in loved ones and in counseling. Depression runs rampant in this industry, and few flight attendants nowadays seem unaffected by it. It’s steadily getting worse, with flight attendant suicides (and attempts) at epidemic levels. No demographic, seniority level or employing airline has been spared. We have the greatest job on earth – why are so many of us at our wits’ end?
We aren’t working
Airlines are doing their best to squeeze profits from wherever they can in order to not significantly raise fares – and one way is by making hours increasingly harder to come by for crews. Listening to talk about attempting to jump onto trips with an open position, it is nearly always described as “Hunger Games.” Raises offered at many carriers appear to be part of a shell game – offering slightly higher wages, and then decreasing available flying. Some airlines have shifted so much flying out of their main bases that career flight attendants who once survived flying routes from, say, New York to Europe now scramble to try and hold much less lucrative short haul domestic flying. But as for me, I can’t complain, despite living hand to mouth; those junior to me are either unable to get a whole schedule worth of trips, or get a reserve schedule – meaning they live on-call and have to hope someone calls in sick. Which few people have been doing.
Get sick – get fired
Are people not calling out sick because we are just remarkably healthy? Hardly. We are exposed to germs in a confined space for hours on end, staying awake at strange hours and putting our bodies through plenty of duress. So, if anything, we are pounding cold medicine and hoping not to have a runny nose while in the aisle with a cart. We work through it because airlines have adopted increasingly more difficult to adhere to attendance policies.
These nearly industry standard sick policies use a point system. The number of points assigned to a sick call depend upon the time of year the event occurs on. Happen to get a nasty flu over Christmas or Thanksgiving, and it could spell the end of your career if you’ve either gotten sick already within the past 12 month period, or if your illness is particularly persistent and could require missing more than one trip. Why not, then, go to the doctor and have the doctor write in a note to excuse your absence as medically necessary?
Because no airline accepts them.
On top of that, you don’t even need to be sick to be affected. Many times, merely being late for work can be marked as an absence. Have you ever left for work just to be caught behind a major accident? Car wouldn’t start? Train was delayed? It makes sense to insist upon punctuality in an industry that relies on it, but it is an industry run by human beings – human beings who have last minute unavoidable emergencies. They shouldn’t be terrifying events.
Work stress is worse than ever
We all saw the “take back the skies!” cell phone video onslaught of last year, in which passengers took to filming flight attendants losing their patience onboard. Thankfully, the media has mostly quit running these out-of-context clips, but a defiant attitude remains as we’re left choosing our battles. We are put in positions to enforce policies that passengers refuse to comply with, only to have our employers apologize to them for our behavior. No more than simple insistence on compliance can land you pleading for your job these days as airlines are all too happy to hand over your job to a shiny, bright (and much lower paid) new hire.
Off the clock loneliness
As I get older, it’s harder to find my place in the world. I have loads of great friends, but they live all over the world. My work friends and I always seem to have opposing schedules. And, just like most airline employees, my non-airline friendships have faded as it’s assumed I’m never around. Invitations stop coming, the phone stops ringing. Life goes on and after a while it’s hard to know where you fit into your own life.
I moved to a town not far from where I grew up, but I don’t have many local friends anymore. My job is far away, so I don’t have a way to meet many people, and making new friends at nearly 40 years old is an awkward undertaking – more so than dating. I’m not sure if it’s going to get better or worse as time progresses.
We are increasingly stressed, sick, lonely. Luckily I have found that my employee assistance plan provides wonderful mental health benefits that I have begun taking advantage of, and I am hoping that mental health care is more accessible to others in my position. But something more than a band-aid of therapy needs to happen in this industry. We need a human approach to policies that we work under, and more support for doing the job we are paid to do. It is a wonderful start to offer therapy that can save lives, and we need to act immediately to stop the suicide epidemic we are facing. The first step is to understand why it’s happening.