Mile High Manners: Sensible Solutions to Revolting Flying Feet and Groping Teenagers in Hotel Pools

Traveling can be a tricky business, one that’s often complicated by unexpected, misery-inducing difficulties. You’ve got tightened airport security to deal with, not to mention delayed flights, discourteous strangers and maybe even a screaming child to top it all off. Sometimes it feels like the whole ordeal isn’t worth the hassle, but fear not! Mile High Manners is here to lend a helping hand and guide you through the polite “do’s and don’ts” of flight etiquette, regardless of the class you’re seated in and situations you come up against. 

Have you ever faced an in-flight encounter or unexpected situation at the airport which you were unsure of how to handle properly? Send your dilemmas to us at [email protected] and check back every Wednesday as we endeavor make the travel experience more enjoyable for everyone.

 

Q: I found myself in a pickle on a flight last week that I would prefer not to be in again. Halfway through this 5-hour trip, my seatmate decided to take his shoes off. As you can probably guess, this filled our shared vicinity with an odor that didn’t resemble roses in the slightest.

I wanted to shout: “Please don’t make me have to power through this for the rest of our flight!” But, alas, he fell asleep within minutes of removing his shoes, and I was left to power through the stench until we were preparing to land, when he awoke at a flight attendant’s behest that he open the shade.

What would you have done? I really don’t want to be in a situation like this again!

A: This issue is becoming a real problem. It seems you can’t be on a plane these days without coming face to face with naked feet. It definitely feels like more of a new phenomenon. I can’t imagine that slipping off your sweaty shoes in the middle of a flight would have been deemed acceptable in the golden age of flight travel.

I think generally our standards have gotten a lot lower when it comes to air travel these days. No wonder — just look at the rise of low budget airlines, with their cramped seats and two day old sandwiches that you have to pay for. People are now so desperate to claim back some primordial sense of defensible space — in the same way they do with the office cubicle — that they’ll resort to extreme measures.

It’s unfortunate what happened to you, dear reader. But you’re not alone, trust me. Sitting through an entire flight with the nasty odors of someone else’s exposed feet isn’t exactly a pleasant scenario to be in. Personally I would have tried to ignore the smell by closing my eyes and day dreaming of perfumed roses, but that isn’t for everyone. By all means, next time try and wake them up and ask them politely to put their shoes back on. Don’t be surprised if you get a less than favorable response though.

If you want to have a little fun, why don’t you grab the shoes and hold them within a close vicinity to their nose. The smell may wake them up and alert them to the rather inconsiderate behavior that they are in violation of.

 

Q: Help me, Miles! You’re my only hope! My husband and I recently took our two boys with us on a weekend getaway to our family’s favorite hotel just a few hours up the road (amazing pool for the kids plus great Jacuzzi for the adults). As soon as we arrived, we dropped our bags, changed into our swimsuits and headed straight for the pool — little did we know it was packed with teenagers making out.

To say the least, I found the scene to be very inappropriate, especially since this property always seemed so family friendly. I let my boys swim for about 15 minutes (at the opposite end of the pool, of course) but they kept looking over and giggling at the face sucking going on elsewhere, so I took them back to the room and put on a movie instead.

It felt like we’d been chased off, but I really didn’t know what else to do. I’m sure those teens had parents at the hotel too, but what right do they have to ruin my kids’ vacation?

A: Wherever you go dear reader, teenagers are pretty much the same: desperate to get each other’s clothes off in record time and stick their tongues down each other’s tonsils. Sweeping generalizations aside, this has been my immediate experience with this youthful age group. It’s probably best to try and avoid them whenever you can.

‘Ruined my kid’s vacation’ might be a bit strong. Though it’s certainly annoying when a treasured family holiday spot is tainted by such actions as you have described. Shared swimming pools have always been a nightmare arena on holiday. We’ve all been there — the desperate dash for the best loungers and that one family’s kids who are always misbehaving no matter what. In your position I would have occupied the kids with another activity whilst the randy teenagers are getting it on and wait patiently until they exit. Though the children may not like this plan so much.

Another option is to try and have a quiet word with the young group at the other end of the pool. Taking the direct route and all. Go over and kindly see if they wouldn’t mind bringing procedures down from a PG-13 to a G rating. It’s hard to do this without coming across as a teacher or, worse still, a buzzkill. Though considering they are teenagers the likelihood is that all you’ll get for your troubles is a sarcastic response. You may have better luck tracking down their parents, if you can find them. And, you can always rat them out to the hotel.

[Photo: iStock]