Mile High Manners: Sensible Solutions to Jerks & Peek-a-Booers
Miles P. Flysalot December 17, 2014
Traveling can be a tricky business, one that’s often complicated by unexpected, misery-inducing difficulties. You’ve got tightened airport security to deal with, not to mention delayed flights, discourteous strangers and maybe even a screaming child to top it all off. Sometimes it feels like the whole ordeal isn’t worth the hassle, but fear not! Mile High Manners is here to lend a helping hand and guide you through the polite “do’s and don’ts” of flight etiquette, regardless of the class you’re seated in and situations you come up against.
Have you ever faced an in-flight encounter or unexpected situation at the airport which you were unsure of how to handle properly? Send your dilemmas to us at [email protected] and check back every Wednesday as we endeavor make the travel experience more enjoyable for everyone.
Q: I have a ton of respect for flight attendants. I’ve seen them put up with A LOT of in-flight nonsense over the years, and those Crewed Talk columns Sarah writes for FlyerTalk make me appreciate flight attendants a little bit more every week. That’s why it always bothers me when a passenger is blatantly and persistently rude to them from the moment they get on the plane. Flight attendants always handle these flyers with poise and professionalism, but it takes every ounce of willpower in me to not march up the aisle and tell that rude jerk off. Hypothetically, if I were to run into one of said rude jerks while waiting in line to use the restroom, would it be wrong of me to tell them to lay off the poor crew member who’s just doing their job? If not, how would you recommend approaching that sort of dialogue?
A: Your desire to defend the integrity of the flight attendant in the midst of jackasses is noble, but keep in mind that this isn’t really your fight. Whilst it certainly isn’t wrong, in theory, to confront said jerk as you wait in line for the toilets — and I’m sure many would thank you for it — I’m not sure if instigating a rumble 30,000 feet in the air is the best idea.
If you’re committed to a confrontation, why not shoot them a dirty look first? At least then you’d have an opening in which to lay into them when they catch your stink eye. When and if you speak with said jerk, try to assume a neutral tone and tell them in a calm voice that they should lay off the flight attendant.
I take no responsibility for the outcome of such midair confrontation, as you may get a black eye for your trouble. Also, do take into account how big/strong/scary the jerk in question looks. I wouldn’t recommend trying anything if they have the physique of an Olympic wrestler.
Q: Believe it or not, there wasn’t a single screaming brat in the cabin with me the last time I flew… but there was something equally frustrating — a peeping child seated right in front of me. She was maybe 2 or 3, and she kept standing on her seat and staring at me over the headrest. At first it was kind of cute, like an impromptu game of peek-a-boo, but then she just hung there — staring — on-and-off for 20 minutes at a time throughout the entire flight! It got creepy! I kept hoping her mom would tell her to sit down and buckle up (seriously, the “Fasten Seatbelt” sign isn’t a suggestion folks!), but that never happened. In the off chance I encounter a peek-a-booer on my next flight, what should I do to deter them?
A: Ah, the ol’ staring contest with a minor rears its ugly head again. Being seated behind a young child on a flight will naturally involve some level of unpleasantness. Your incident is a tad more unique due to the length you had to endure. I have to admit the whole thing does sound a little Chucky-esque, and there’s nothing scarier than a child who doesn’t break eye contact.
There are a few tricks you can try if this happens to you again. One is to play dead. Simply close your eyes and pretend that you’ve fallen asleep. Hopefully, the child will lose interest and turn back around.
You could also bring out a magazine or book and read it in a way that covers your face, so as to avoid the death stare of your mini opponent.
Another possible solution involves just getting up and going to the bathroom. By the time you return to your seat, they may have retreated.
Or perhaps you could try making some scary faces in an attempt to scare them back over the border. This option, however, could potentially backfire if the child finds your expressions more amusing than terrifying.
If all else fails and the child’s staring is really bothering you, attempt a polite word with the parent.
[Photo: iStock]
A clear conscience might help.
Gag. This article is terrible. 'Flawless flight attendants'? You must only fly on airlines I've never been on. Yes, there are jerks on flights. Not infrequently it IS the flight attendants. If you have never encountered a flight attendant who was unnecessarily rude from the outset, you haven't flown much. Everybody has bad days at work, so I won't hold it against them, but spare me the stories about how perfect they are. They aren't. They're people, just like the passengers. A kid staring at you is bothering you enough to hold onto and write about it later? Go tell your mom. Then grow up. If you don't want to fly with kids, buy a Gulfstream. You were one once, too. You really shouldn't give 6-year-olds that much power over you to affect your mood and outlook for days.
I've been on both sides of the child thing. I've flown on flights where even in First, I could hear the screaming child way back at the rear of the plane. As a father of 6 (5 grown - 1 in progress) I've got many miles flying with children of all ages. Flying WITH younger children in particular is a challenge. It's not like you just can decide NOT to go see the Grandparents. When they live > 1000 miles away, then flying really becomes an only option. I've ALWAYS been very much concerned about the people around me when flying - and did my best to make sure my children were not annoying them. Still - the babies and toddlers - they are in their own category. Trust me, as a parent I get plenty embarrassed when my 18 month old has a melt down. There are times when you can comfort them into quietness, there are times that you can't. My 18-month old is well traveled - she probably has 50,000 miles in her 18 months of life at least. I can honestly say that on 90% of the flights she has been perfect. She smiles at the passengers getting on - I often say she's Delta's new Passenger Ambassador. She is spoiled, having sat in First Class with Daddy almost all of the time. She's made a ton of friends in her travels... Then there is the 10 percent. It's unpredictable when it will happen. Sometimes, letting them do one small, but annoying thing (like playing peek-a-boo with the stranger behind) is preferable to the screaming you will get otherwise. I'm not sure what other flyers expect a parent to do - there is no magic mute button on an 18 month old. I do my best to control her, but she has a mind that is underdeveloped and very active. My experience is that the passengers in that 10% of the time appreciate the fact that I'm trying. I think it's the parents who are oblivious to what their children are doing that I find irritating. If a parent it trying, I've found that I don't get upset at all, I am in fact empathetic. Even at 100 decibels worth of crying and screaming. I'm not going to go the "I bought a ticket and have a right to be there" route here - but the fact of the matter is that we have a need, and a right, to travel with children. Complaining about it, getting upset about it - isn't going to solve the problem. Some children will even pick up on someones stress and that can make them worse. So, it might be that a passenger is making things worse with their own subtle reactions. Instead, perhaps we can find something to help the parent that is already struggling. A smile, a kind word - re-entering the world of the living and leaving your electronic world behind for just a little bit - might well go a long way to helping to quell the angst of a child, parents and the rest of the passengers. If you have had a child and you take a moment to recall a moment of disaster when flying with them - then quietly smile at the parent - take a moment to remember your humanity and your past. When the child has settled down - the parent might well appreciate your quick story about how you understand what they are going through. The bottom line - it's easy to complain about something like a child who is being annoying - maybe we should step up and act with compassion rather than disdain. That might well make life easier for everyone.
Usually I measure the length of the flight against the annoying passenger. If it's irritating enough that I feel there needs to be action I will simply get up, stand by the bulkhead and stare. I won't say anything, I won't make a noise or smile or anything - just stare. It might take five minutes or so, but the flyer will notice they are being stared at. about 80% of the time, this has solved my problem. It's perhaps a bit uncomfortable but I find satisfaction in knowing I made my point silently known. I also thought about creating signs that I would simple hold while standing. Something like "Courtesy - it's using headphones when listening to your music on-board." .. but I've not gotten to that point yet.
I love playing peek-a-boo with babies and toddlers. It's like an organic IFE system.