Mile High Manners: Sensible Solutions to First-Class Eau de Jerks & Lawbreaking Smokers

Traveling can be a tricky business, one that’s often complicated by unexpected, misery-inducing difficulties. You’ve got tightened airport security to deal with, not to mention delayed flights, discourteous strangers and maybe even a screaming child to top it all off. Sometimes it feels like the whole ordeal isn’t worth the hassle, but fear not! Mile High Manners is here to lend a helping hand and guide you through the polite “do’s and don’ts” of flight etiquette, regardless of the class you’re seated in and situations you come up against. 

Have you ever faced an in-flight encounter or unexpected situation at the airport which you were unsure of how to handle properly? Send your dilemmas to us at [email protected] and check back every Wednesday as we endeavor make the travel experience more enjoyable for everyone.

 

Q: Dear MHM, I recently had an experience on a flight where the woman sitting next to me, in first, decided she needed to pretty herself up before landing. First it was the makeup application, which had all kinds of odors, but nothing unbearable. I just turned away and tried to ignore it. But then, at the end of her sprucing her face up, she took out a bottle of perfume and sprayed away (and sprayed and sprayed).

Within moments, I was choking on her perfume. Unfortunately, a perfume bottle atomizer isn’t a device with the most pinpoint accuracy, so my clothes were covered in her perfume.  As I tried to hold my nose and block out the overwhelming smell, she laughed at my discomfort. I got up and went to the lavatory to get some of the smell off of me, but it was of little effect. I decided to hang in the galley for 10 minutes until the smell in my seat area somewhat dissipated to less unbearable (it never went away).

The flight attendant in the first class galley sympathized with my plight and told me this happens on almost every flight. So what should I (or anybody) do if I ever encounter that situation again? Do I kindly tell the person to please wait until we’re in the airport before she sprays? Assuming I catch her in time that is…

A: No one likes having random odors sprayed in their face, no matter how fragrant or expensive, so you have my sympathy dear reader. The fact that you were choking and quite clearly made uncomfortable by her actions would inspire most decent human beings to apologize for their insensitive behavior and promptly desist.

Unfortunately, although you were in the first-class cabin, you were clearly not dealing with a first-class individual. You should have no feelings of guilt about letting people like her know they are causing you discomfort and invading your personal space. They are the ones who are causing the disturbance, so feel free to kindly tell them to knock it off.

I really don’t see why anyone would need to be spraying themselves perfume on an airplane. Unless they’re planning on seducing a wealthy businessman onboard, it’s simply a ridiculous thing to do! Besides, it’s not as if anyone actually cares whether or not you smell like Eau de Flowers when you land.  If there’s someone waiting for you at Arrivals whom you want to smell pretty for, be courteous to your cabinmates and douse yourself in the airport’s restroom instead.

 

Q: Alright, MHM. I’ll be straight with you… I’m not good at being a snitch, and in hindsight, I probably should’ve “manned up” and done something about the situation I’m about to share (since it was potentially a serious safety issue) but I didn’t. Go ahead. Scold me if you must. I’d prefer some advice with my scolding, however, and here’s why:

I was on a packed flight home from London to New York (on an airline which shall remain unnamed) and seated near the back of coach. As I was dozing off about halfway into the flight, a very familiar smell woke me up. Nicotine. Someone was smoking. I looked around my seat but didn’t see anything suspicious, but plenty of my fellow flyers were also looking for the source. It wasn’t until the lavatory door opened and a man walked out reeking of cigarettes that we realized who was to blame for the cancerous cloud hanging overhead.

The flight attendants were at the front of the cabin dealing with meal service so I guess the stench dissipated before they were in range (or they just chose to ignore it), and the culprit returned to his seat as if he’d done nothing wrong. I waited and waited for one of my seatmates to act… but they didn’t. We all just sat there grimacing until the odor was gone and prayed that the man didn’t go back for another smoke break. Thankfully, our prayers were answered.

It was a 100% non-smoking flight. There’s a “no smoking” warning posted in the lavatory, illuminated overhead, and announced over the intercom on every flight I’ve ever been on. Tell me. How do you deal with someone like this who’s not only being incredibly rude, but also breaking the law?

A: Don’t beat yourself up too much over your lack of finesse in the field of snitching, reader. It’s often a difficult area to navigate successfully, so I completely understand your less-than-enthusiastic attitude.

In situations such as the one you described, however — situations in which an individual is not only causing discomfort to fellow flyers, but is actually breaking the law — don’t be afraid to act. Find a flight attendant and let them know exactly what happened, or at least exactly what you think happened. Snitch by all means, and do so discreetly if you’re able to.

It’s natural to want someone else to fix an awkward situation, “others” being those seated around you in this case, but if they seem hesitant — grab the bull by the horns and you snitch like you’ve never snitched before. The guilty party is violating federal law and should be punished accordingly for their brazen behavior.

I am amazed at the arrogance of some people. In this day and age, where we are constantly being warned of the dangers of smoking and new measures are regularly being proposed to limit its dangers, the idea that someone thinks it’s acceptable to light up in an aircraft’s lavatory is baffling.

 

[Photo: iStock]