Mile High Manners: Sensible Solutions to Feet Nudists, Uncontrollable Gas & Overhead Bin Hogs

Traveling can be a tricky business, one that’s often complicated by unexpected, misery-inducing difficulties. You’ve got tightened airport security to deal with, not to mention delayed flights, discourteous strangers and maybe even a screaming child to top it all off. Sometimes it feels like the whole ordeal isn’t worth the hassle, but fear not! Mile High Manners is here to lend a helping hand and guide you through the polite “do’s and don’ts” of flight etiquette, regardless of the class you’re seated in and situations you come up against.

Q: I can tolerate a lot of in-flight nonsense, but there’s one thing that gets me. Feet. These days, it seems like everyone kicks off their shoes the second they get to their seat and it makes me want to barf. It’s DISGUSTING! Do airlines have some kind of rule against this gross behavior? If not, is there at least a delicate way of telling a shoeless seatmate that their bare feet make me want to throw up?

A: To my knowledge, no such rule exists. It is an inconsiderate habit, though, one that shows little respect for fellow passengers and isn’t easy to address with the responsible party. Admittedly, it is more comfortable to kick off your shoes on a long flight, but it’s on par with chewing popcorn obnoxiously loud or texting at the movies (don’t get me started on that particular area of modern life or we’ll be here all day).

When it comes to combatting this issue, one could try subtly spraying some sort of perfume in the shoeless seatmate’s general vicinity, while their attention is diverted mind you. Broaching the subject directly is another way to go, but endeavor to be tactful and not overly offensive when doing so. State honestly that their feet are making you uncomfortable, and ask if they would consider putting their shoes back on. You could also just throw caution to the wind and take off your shoes as well and contribute to the downfall of Western society.

Unless you have some sort of medical condition which requires you to take off your shoes, then for the sake of your neighbors and their noses, just keep your shoes on.

Q: It seems like a lot of these questions involve other passengers behaving badly, so I’d like to mix it up with a question about what to do when I’m the one behaving badly. No, I’m not the annoying kid that won’t stop kicking the seat, I’m the guy with the uncontrollable gas. It’s not like I booked my flight thinking: “I’m really excited about this long-haul battle with my bowels! Can’t wait to upset my seatmates!” I don’t want to hide in the bathroom for the duration of the flight after I’ve already paid for a much nicer seat, so what should a flatulent frequent flyer like myself do when it’s not just the cabin that’s pressurized?

A: Change your diet and consider driving until your particular gaseous issue is resolved. Beyond that, I think you’ve hit it on the money with the whole “hiding in the bathroom” thing.

Q: The overhead bins seems to be getting smaller every time I board. Oversize bags sometimes slip into the cabin, I get that, but I haven’t found those to be nearly as problematic as flyers who shove their carry-on bag into the overhead space, then their purse, then their coat, then their child’s stuffed animal, then their… well, you get the point. The flight crew doesn’t seem to care when this happens, and in my experience, they’ve either told me to find another space (usually impossible given the backup in the aisle behind me) or offer to check my bag for free, but I don’t want that. Should I just crush the space-hog’s belongings with my carry-on, or is there a way you’d recommend reasoning with the inconsiderate individual?

A: Whenever I get on a plane it’s always the same dilemma: What do I keep with me in the seat and what do I store away in the overhead bins? I’m someone who likes to have easy access to the things I believe I’ll want during the flight, so I tend to cram as much into those kangaroo pouches as possible. Headphones, bags of candy, books and magazines, you name it and I’m sure at some point I’ve tried to stuff it in.

But this method of mine is not for everyone. If you’re someone who likes to store everything safely overhead, then the best advice I can give is to get onto the plane and to your seat as quickly as possible. This way you can get in early and squirrel away your possessions with the upmost ease. However, between priority boarding and pushy passengers, this can be a challenge.

Scatterbrain packing of the overhead bins is a nuisance for sure. Forward planning is always the best way to combat this. When you’re queuing to get your boarding pass checked, create a mental image of what you want to keep with you and what you want to store away. If you can locate the individual or family who has rashly treated the overhead bins like a… well, like a regular bin they might have in their own home, give them a polite word or two and see if they will free up some space for your bag.

Have you ever faced an in-flight encounter or unexpected situation at the airport which you were unsure of how to handle properly? Send your dilemmas to us at [email protected] and check back every Wednesday as we endeavor make the travel experience more enjoyable for everyone.

[Photo: iStock]