Is There Any Excuse for a Flight Attendant to Lose Their Cool?

I once told a passenger to “shut it.”

I couldn’t help but remember that moment when, last week, a flight attendant’s face made international headlines due to a video clip of him losing his patience with a passenger and telling the passenger to “shut up” or he would call the authorities.* I’m not proud of my similar moment, but I admit it precisely because it doesn’t reflect me as a flight attendant at all. I can count on one hand the confrontations I’ve had with passengers in 18 years. Yet, I’ve had one of these.

While it’s not the face of the job any attendant likes to put out there or see, things do occasionally go down like that with reason. I don’t know what interactions led up to the cringe-worthy video moment, but the clip alone doesn’t convince me who the bad guy is. I may be swayed by the flight attendants who have said they know this guy personally and that he is a stellar, consummately professional crew member, and they were very shocked to see his face, in particular, on the front pages. That noted, I’ll explain my doubts.

It all started when the passenger, Ra Nath, did not get his first meal preference in Business Class. He wanted the pasta, and it was no longer available by the time the flight attendant reached the Mr. Nath to take preferences. Mr. Nath wanted to know why his row’s preferences were taken last. He says he did not like how the flight attendant answered him. The situation escalated from there, culminating in a sort of “Pastagate” (at least for the flight attendant), in which Mr. Nath filmed him undeniably losing his cool.

My first question concerns the fact that this all started over a meal preference. There is nothing less worth sparking a conflict over on an airplane than an entrée choice. I know it can be frustrating in terms of the Premium experience expected, but there are obvious limitations in the air. For some people, this proves to be a test of keeping things in perspective.

Mr. Nath says, “[the flight attendant] didn’t like that I asked him why my row was the last one to be asked what to eat since they ran out of pasta.” It is a strange thing for a flight attendant to be upset about, but easy for it to come off as an aggressive question. Flight attendants don’t like the feeling of disappointing passengers when catering hasn’t given us enough of a particular thing, but it’s not unusual and very easy for us to handle because it’s not decided by us. Airlines have set procedures for the order in which we take preferences. In this story, there’s the additional fact that First and Business Class passengers on American Airlines can pre-order their selection. It would be rare (but I don’t claim impossible) for a flight attendant to be defensive over this, of all issues, because the passenger has a lot of control if they know the system. If they don’t, it’s easy to explain for next time. No big deal. Some passengers, however, do have a way of getting really upset about it. (There’s a joke here: “I said ‘We’re out of pasta, not fuel.'”)

My next doubt over what the video “proves” is that the flight attendant is in the aisle trying to get on with his service. He has a cabin full of other passengers. They want to eat too, and also deserve that flight attendant’s equal attention. Mr. Nath is effectively harassing the crew member while he’s trying to get on with fulfilling his other duties.

What I see in that is a really jerky way to proceed when you have an issue. There is no reason why Mr. Nath has to have the flight attendant’s name, and have it right that second. Other customers are waiting for the food they also paid for. If Mr. Nath wants to complain, he really only has to tell the company the flight number and date, his seat and a brief description of the crew member. Oh, the company will figure out who the flight attendant was! However, if he simply must have the name, he doesn’t need to badger the flight attendant in front of an audience while that crew member is trying to attend to others.

That is behavior intended to escalate and dominate the situation, and as such, doesn’t give me the impression of a nice guy who “just wanted to understand.” In the video, Mr. Nath has been served his meal tray and clearly intends to eat. Let others have their meal, too, wait till the service is over, and make your approach then. It doesn’t ensure there will be no further conflict, but at least it isn’t begging for confrontation.

Perhaps I’m totally wrong about the role Mr. Nath played in the conflict, but these are my doubts. You might wonder if it’s ever possible to deserve such words from a flight attendant. Not often, but in my personal “shut it” incident, the fellow had just finished punching a colleague in the hip as the culmination of harassment during a lengthy delay. As we tended to the crew member, that passenger continued his badgering, totally unfazed by what he’d just done, and he got the reply I’m admitting to here. The physical altercation in my story is shocking, but the fuse I’m comparing is that some people love to escalate and don’t know when to quit. Then you have to try vinegar instead of honey.

You’d be right to point out that part of a flight attendant’s job is to smooth situations, and I’m sure that even he would admit that he lost his cool. I just hope there are other witnesses who can fairly fill in the rest of the story and that if he loses his job it’s not based on this video clip.

*I will not link to the video because you know how I feel about filming crews and this is a perfect example of why – not because I disagree with evidence of bad behavior, but because it’s a bullying tactic that’s all too easy to claim as “proof” when it’s really just a selective moment usually missing tons of context.

[Image: VALERIY KACHAEV VIA GETTY]