How to Fly Your Stinky Thanksgiving Leftovers Home in a Crowded Cabin

Traveling can be a tricky business, one that’s often complicated by unexpected, misery-inducing difficulties — but fear not! Mile High Manners is here to lend a helping hand and guide you through the polite “do’s and don’ts” of flight etiquette, regardless of the class you’re seated in and situations you come up against. 

Have you ever faced an in-flight encounter or unexpected situation at the airport which you were unsure of how to handle properly? Send your dilemmas to us at [email protected] and check back every Wednesday as we endeavor make the travel experience more enjoyable for everyone.

 

Q: Usually I stay with my parents when I visit for Thanksgiving. But every year it seems like the holiday gets turned into the Passive Aggressive Olympics before the turkey’s been carved. I’d rather just be able to have my own space to go to once my mom feels the need to tell me how my haircut isn’t ‘doing that five-head of yours any favors.’ How do I tactfully but firmly let my parents know I’ll be staying at the Sheraton instead?”

A: It’s amazing how parents overestimate the allure of a lumpy twin bed in a tiny bedroom directly across the hall from two people who never stop sharing their opinions.

The absolute first thing you need to do is check in to the hotel. Do not stop at your parents’ place before hand, and do not bring your suitcase into their home. If you do that, you will never get away.

The hotel is the easy part. Now you need to decide how you are going to break the news. One strategy is to take them by surprise and wait until the last possible minute to tell them you are leaving, essentially right before you walk out the door. This would probably make your whole evening more pleasant, however this strategy is difficult to pull off. Your parents are likely to notice that you have arrived sans luggage and will most likely ask “where is your stuff five-head?”

That is why the recommended method is to nip the whole thing in the bud from the get go, before your interactions start to devolve. Think about it–When is the time that you and your parents are happiest with one another? It is those precious moments after greeting one another hello and before anybody says anything. That is why right when you arrive is the absolute best time to tell them that you are leaving.

When they inquire about your luggage, you casually inform them it is at the hotel where you have already checked-in. Act like it’s no big deal, as if you had no idea they would have any problem with it at all. If they adamantly protest, remind them of this one simple fact: you have already paid in full. As much as your parents will want you to stay with them, they will also hate the idea of you wasting your money. So if the hotel is already booked and paid for, well, then you might as well stay there. Fine. Do whatever you want.

If they are reluctant to accept this arrangement, remind them that hey, at least you can afford a hotel, and they should be proud of you for being able to enjoy the finer things in life, such as the local Sheraton.

In case your parents are still not satisfied with your explanation, here are a couple tasty side dishes of excuses you can use to cement the finality of your decision. One is that you need to use Wi-Fi. Most parents have no idea what their Wi-Fi password is and have never at any point known what their Wi-Fi password is because “the guy just set it up.” Another is that you’re not sure why, but lately you have been screaming in your sleep. It’s nothing mom, really.

All parents are different of course, and you’ve been around yours long enough to know how to work them. If they give you a lot of grief, just think of it as paying your dues for that hassle-free glass of pinot grigio you are going to guzzle later at the Sheraton hotel bar. You may feel bad for disappointing them, but hey, it won’t be the first or the last time!

Q: I’m flying home for Thanksgiving and staying with my grandparents. My grandmother, a first-generation Ukrainian immigrant, makes killer pierogis. I know that she’s going to insist that I take a healthy amount home with me, because she always makes way too much for just herself and my grandpa. My conundrum is this: Her pirogi is very, very fragrant, and some of the other airport patrons may not appreciate the strong smell. How do I pack my leftovers so that I minimize the smell and keep the other Thanksgiving travelers from hating me?”

A: No one could blame you for wanting to extend your pierogi enjoyment as long as possible, however this is air travel we are talking about here, so of course somebody is definitely going to blame you.

Unless you feel like sharing your pierogis with the surrounding seat rows, I highly recommend you stick those puppies in the freezer the night before your flight. Even if you have a long journey ahead, they should stay cold enough that there will not be any sweet onion scents wafting under your neighbor’s nose. Keep those ‘roges wrapped in a few different plastic bags so if they do start to release their aroma, the bags will help to keep it under wraps.

Pierogis are highly durable little potato treasures and can last for a while if frozen, so even when you get home you should store them in the freezer. Take your time to enjoy them over the next few weeks and keep those butter levels up until the New Year!

[Photo: Getty]