Wanna Cut in Line at Disney World? Hire the Handicapped!

15_InjuredDisney

If I could do it all over, I’d do it with a bad limp. During summer breaks in college I worked as a tour guide driving a Bombardier snowmobile at the Columbia Icefields in Banff National Park.

Minimum wage and tips is what I got. And you know the difference between a Canadian and a canoe – a canoe tips.

Now, with a teetering limp, maybe throw in a cane or a wheelchair, I could make $1,400 a day as a tour guide.

That’s what the rich mothers of Manhattan are paying tour guides with disabilities who cut the long lines at Disney World, according to the New York Post.

But the guides don’t come cheap. The Post reports they’re getting $130 an hour. You can find the guides at Dream Tours Florida.

Their website reads:  “A trip to Walt Disney World can be daunting, but with the assistance of a knowledgeable Dream Tour staff, you can experience more attractions and spend virtually no time navigating maps! This is what we do and what we excel in!”

(Note to reader: Never trust a graph with two exclamation marks in it! Trust me!)

The oldest gags, and cons, are still the best. Sure, Nobel laureate Joseph Brodsky wrote “life is a distance between here and there, why quicken the pace.” But that dude never went to Disney World. The heat alone makes your underwear cleave like spandex.

The Post cites one happy Dream World client whose family (she, her husband, a 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter) was whizzed through Disney in a “motorized scooter with a ‘handicapped’ sign on it.” They went “straight to an axillary entrance at the front of each attraction.”

Apparently Disney lets anybody in a wheelchair gain prompt access along with up to six guests.

The Post got their scoop from a social anthropologist researching a book titled Primates of Park Avenue. Go figure.

Apparently word and telephone number of the Dream Tours Florida disabled guide passed around Manhattan’s private-school moms over spring break.

Again, according to The Post, the guy who runs Dream Tours Florida has a girlfriend who uses a scooter on the job because of an “auto-immune disorder.” The guy won’t cop to her phone number. She’s hard to get hold of without a referral.

My gears are grinding and dang if my knees don’t hurt just writing this. I’m in Calgary for a few weeks so if you’re coming up to the Canadian Rockies contact me. I got an idea how we can jump the queue at the Columbia Icefields.

Photo credit: Giuseppe Moscato / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

MORE FROM THE TARMAC

Twitter:
@flyertalk
Facebook:
flyertalk
More in:

Comments (Showing 5 of 5)

  • JackE at 11:44pm May 15, 2013

    I don’t mind seeing new well-paid work for disabled people.

  • NextTrip at 2:14am May 16, 2013

    This story is just a new money making twist on an age-old scam. Groups of able-bodied college students have rented wheelchairs at Disneyland for a “front of the line pass” for as long as I can remember…and they only pony up a couple of bucks apiece!

  • sonicking at 6:04pm May 17, 2013

    Job creators. Give them tax cuts! That’s what Mitt Romney said.

  • puddinhead at 7:04pm May 17, 2013

    What a marketing opportunity… Rent mobility scooters across from the Disney parks. No need for a handicap person and one or more of the group doesn’t have to walk. Bring your dog with a ‘therapy dog’ vest and put phony labels on sodas and water so you can bring your own beverages.

    A schemer’s trifecta!

  • fairviewroad at 9:54pm May 17, 2013

    Consider the source.

    The NY Post is the same publication that reported 12 dead in the Boston Marathon bombings, falsely tied the bombing to a “Saudi national,” then featured a photo of the wrong two suspected bombers on its front cover. And now here they are with a thinly sourced article that features no actual proof other than the word of a “social anthropologist” who, by the way, has a book she’d be happy to sell you.

Leave Reply

You must be a logged in member to post a comment. Click here to Register.