men hitting on you?
Oct 28, 2014, 3:26 am
#76
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For those not familiar with Steptoe and Son
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ7_rrK1HDw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ7_rrK1HDw
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TGIsEJbY4c
Oct 28, 2014, 5:43 am
#77
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This is true. I find I get hit on most when I'm alone with my daughter. I travel alone with her a lot or with a widowed gf and her young son. I asked one guy in Cancun in May why he chose to talk to me at dinner and he said that in his experience, "single moms are vulnerable and easy to get." Hmmm, I wasn't a single mom, just traveling alone and wear a big rock. Some men find rings a challenge though.
Vulnerable or not, a challenge or not, a woman on vacation alone with children being perceived as single/divorced/separated and/or as being otherwise open for additional future relationship(s)? It's not that rare. Men on vacation alone with children get the same thing? Sometimes.
Nov 4, 2014, 6:22 am
#78
Join Date: May 2013
Location: JFK
Posts: 459
I love it!! Resting .....y Face is something quite a few women have and don't even know it, at least you are aware.
I on the other hand, have the habit of being too smiley and friendly and some men seem to think that a smile means "come shag me right now, I want it bad". It's quite pathetic and scary. As a result, I'm practicing my RBF in the mirror.
I on the other hand, have the habit of being too smiley and friendly and some men seem to think that a smile means "come shag me right now, I want it bad". It's quite pathetic and scary. As a result, I'm practicing my RBF in the mirror.
"Aw, don't look so mad."
"Why are you so sad?"
"Smile a little bit!"
"Hey, it can't be that bad!"
(I am. You. No. It is. Now go away.)
(Pity, no BRF emoticon)
Nov 5, 2014, 10:20 pm
#79
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: LAX
Posts: 301
Nov 5, 2014, 10:27 pm
#80
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: LAX
Posts: 301
I dont mind being approached, no issues with having a coffee etc in a public place and a bit of a chat, goodness knows I chat to plenty of strangers outside hotels when I go out for a smoke.
If I dont want company I just say so, travelling alone sometimes its nice just to chat, if I was invited up to his room, I would just say " no thanks, dont want to go anywhere alone with you"
I dont think all men are creeps and rapists, they must be bored with hotels as much as women are. I do wear a wedding ring because I am widowed but I am not sure men think to check before speaking!
If I dont want company I just say so, travelling alone sometimes its nice just to chat, if I was invited up to his room, I would just say " no thanks, dont want to go anywhere alone with you"
I dont think all men are creeps and rapists, they must be bored with hotels as much as women are. I do wear a wedding ring because I am widowed but I am not sure men think to check before speaking!
Nov 5, 2014, 10:49 pm
#81
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canada
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Please be aware that there are side effects of RBF (or BRF) and that they provide the opportunity for conversational opening nuggets that may include:
"Aw, don't look so mad."
"Why are you so sad?"
"Smile a little bit!"
"Hey, it can't be that bad!"
(I am. You. No. It is. Now go away.)
(Pity, no BRF emoticon)
"Aw, don't look so mad."
"Why are you so sad?"
"Smile a little bit!"
"Hey, it can't be that bad!"
(I am. You. No. It is. Now go away.)
(Pity, no BRF emoticon)I actually just got back yesterday from 6 days away. In the Fairmont Gold Lounge of where I was staying, I was approached by one older gentleman (my father's age) who seemed quite friendly and innocent at first. Since I was alone, I had a couple of drinks with him and chatted. I figured he was harmless and safe. He asked me "why do you look so sad? smile with me, you don't want to get frown lines and have to get botox." It made me laugh but I should've stuck to BRF.
After a little while, he tells me that he and his wife have an open marriage and that it must be hard for me to be travelling alone and that I should come to his room. He even makes a poor joke that he works for "Wood Gundy" and has a "woody" and older men are very good at pleasing women and that what happens when away, stays away and just forget about it after!
It felt almost surreal and I laughed and said I was tired and good night. I almost ran back to my room.
I ran into him the next night and he told me he'd been drunk and woke up wondering if he'd offended me and was sorry if he had. I know I've said dumb things intoxicated before so told him everything was fine so forget about it. He invites me for a drink in the lounge and stupid me, accepts thinking I was too hard on him the night before. In the lounge, we are chatting fine for a bit and then he starts the sexual innuendos and asking me to come to his room again. I declined and went to meet a friend for dinner outside the hotel and didn't see the man who hit on my again during my stay as I avoided the lounge after that.
I don't know if I give off a vibe that makes men think that it's ok to proposition me or if it's just their lonliness or alcohol talking. I do dress conservatively, wear a ring and tell people that I'm married.
Nov 6, 2014, 6:55 am
#82
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: DEN
Programs: nada these days
Posts: 438
Westcoastgal -- WTH!!! That is just bizarre. And incredibly awkward, especially running into him the next day. I've had similar experiences and was equally skeeved out. It's NOT your fault and you're NOT putting out a "vibe" -- men like this are entitled predators who target women traveling alone because they perceive them to be vulnerable, wedding ring or no. Sounds like he was using alcohol as an excuse. That only works once. If the behavior is repeated or habitual, he knows exactly what he's doing and doesn't think it's wrong. The apology the next morning was probably part of his game plan, and it worked. (That's not your fault -- you should not feel bad for wanting to believe the best about people. It's his for being a creep.)
Sorry, boys, but you really, truly can't know what it's like. Male privilege exists whether or not you choose to acknowledge it, and women (especially those who navigate the world solo) need to be on their guard, unfortunately.
I, too, "suffer" from RBF/BRF. The next man (and it's ALWAYS a man) who orders me to "smile!" will need surgery to remove his teeth from his esophagus. You might think telling someone to smile is harmless, but have you ever seen it happen to a man? Didn't think so!
Sorry, boys, but you really, truly can't know what it's like. Male privilege exists whether or not you choose to acknowledge it, and women (especially those who navigate the world solo) need to be on their guard, unfortunately.
I, too, "suffer" from RBF/BRF. The next man (and it's ALWAYS a man) who orders me to "smile!" will need surgery to remove his teeth from his esophagus. You might think telling someone to smile is harmless, but have you ever seen it happen to a man? Didn't think so!
Last edited by erdehoff; Nov 6, 2014 at 7:02 am
Nov 6, 2014, 7:04 am
#83
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: DEN
Programs: nada these days
Posts: 438
This somewhat NSFW "Daily Show" segment about campus safety for men and women seems pertinent here (unfortunately, I think you need to be in the U.S. to view it at this link): http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/z2...in-our-schools
"You in danger, girl!!!"
"You in danger, girl!!!"
Nov 6, 2014, 3:31 pm
#84
Moderator: Manufactured Spending
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 6,577
I am male and I have had people (usually old ladies) tell me to smile.
Nov 10, 2014, 12:44 am
#85
Suspended
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 5,159
Lol! I just had this happen!
I actually just got back yesterday from 6 days away. In the Fairmont Gold Lounge of where I was staying, I was approached by one older gentleman (my father's age) who seemed quite friendly and innocent at first. Since I was alone, I had a couple of drinks with him and chatted. I figured he was harmless and safe. He asked me "why do you look so sad? smile with me, you don't want to get frown lines and have to get botox." It made me laugh but I should've stuck to BRF.
After a little while, he tells me that he and his wife have an open marriage and that it must be hard for me to be travelling alone and that I should come to his room. He even makes a poor joke that he works for "Wood Gundy" and has a "woody" and older men are very good at pleasing women and that what happens when away, stays away and just forget about it after!
It felt almost surreal and I laughed and said I was tired and good night. I almost ran back to my room.
I ran into him the next night and he told me he'd been drunk and woke up wondering if he'd offended me and was sorry if he had. I know I've said dumb things intoxicated before so told him everything was fine so forget about it. He invites me for a drink in the lounge and stupid me, accepts thinking I was too hard on him the night before. In the lounge, we are chatting fine for a bit and then he starts the sexual innuendos and asking me to come to his room again. I declined and went to meet a friend for dinner outside the hotel and didn't see the man who hit on my again during my stay as I avoided the lounge after that.
I don't know if I give off a vibe that makes men think that it's ok to proposition me or if it's just their lonliness or alcohol talking. I do dress conservatively, wear a ring and tell people that I'm married.
I actually just got back yesterday from 6 days away. In the Fairmont Gold Lounge of where I was staying, I was approached by one older gentleman (my father's age) who seemed quite friendly and innocent at first. Since I was alone, I had a couple of drinks with him and chatted. I figured he was harmless and safe. He asked me "why do you look so sad? smile with me, you don't want to get frown lines and have to get botox." It made me laugh but I should've stuck to BRF.
After a little while, he tells me that he and his wife have an open marriage and that it must be hard for me to be travelling alone and that I should come to his room. He even makes a poor joke that he works for "Wood Gundy" and has a "woody" and older men are very good at pleasing women and that what happens when away, stays away and just forget about it after!
It felt almost surreal and I laughed and said I was tired and good night. I almost ran back to my room.
I ran into him the next night and he told me he'd been drunk and woke up wondering if he'd offended me and was sorry if he had. I know I've said dumb things intoxicated before so told him everything was fine so forget about it. He invites me for a drink in the lounge and stupid me, accepts thinking I was too hard on him the night before. In the lounge, we are chatting fine for a bit and then he starts the sexual innuendos and asking me to come to his room again. I declined and went to meet a friend for dinner outside the hotel and didn't see the man who hit on my again during my stay as I avoided the lounge after that.
I don't know if I give off a vibe that makes men think that it's ok to proposition me or if it's just their lonliness or alcohol talking. I do dress conservatively, wear a ring and tell people that I'm married.
Surely there's no harm in a fellow trying it on with a pretty lady at least once ? Although not recognising the vibes and trying the same routine a second time isn't too classy.
I appreciate it must be annoying for some women to be hit upon but there must also be others who rather welcome it.
A simple " thanks but no thanks " should put the matter straight to bed,so to speak.
Nov 10, 2014, 8:34 am
#86
Join Date: May 2013
Location: JFK
Posts: 459
What happened to you was not the usual BRF/RBF side effect. You met a genuine creep. Do not cut this species any slack. Regardless of age or apparent harmlessness.
No, I'm talking about the opening gambit which is "smile" or "it's not so bad", etc. To me it's a few steps above a guy making sucking noises at me as I walk past them on the street but it's still going to get them the same end result...which is nowhere.
FWIW I would never, even consider telling a total stranger to cheer up, smile, etc. Seriously? Maybe the guys that do this think that it makes them seem caring? Like good listeners.
I do remember one time a friend and I were having a serious conversation in a café about the recent death of a family member and some charmer approached us with, "and what are you two lovely ladies talking about?"
No, I'm talking about the opening gambit which is "smile" or "it's not so bad", etc. To me it's a few steps above a guy making sucking noises at me as I walk past them on the street but it's still going to get them the same end result...which is nowhere.
FWIW I would never, even consider telling a total stranger to cheer up, smile, etc. Seriously? Maybe the guys that do this think that it makes them seem caring? Like good listeners.
I do remember one time a friend and I were having a serious conversation in a café about the recent death of a family member and some charmer approached us with, "and what are you two lovely ladies talking about?"
Nov 10, 2014, 9:31 am
#87
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: TLV
Programs: UA Platinum, Avis Chairman, Marriott Gold, Hilton Gold, GA Pilot
Posts: 3,225
What happened to you was not the usual BRF/RBF side effect. You met a genuine creep. Do not cut this species any slack. Regardless of age or apparent harmlessness.
No, I'm talking about the opening gambit which is "smile" or "it's not so bad", etc. To me it's a few steps above a guy making sucking noises at me as I walk past them on the street but it's still going to get them the same end result...which is nowhere.
FWIW I would never, even consider telling a total stranger to cheer up, smile, etc. Seriously? Maybe the guys that do this think that it makes them seem caring? Like good listeners.
I do remember one time a friend and I were having a serious conversation in a café about the recent death of a family member and some charmer approached us with, "and what are you two lovely ladies talking about?"
No, I'm talking about the opening gambit which is "smile" or "it's not so bad", etc. To me it's a few steps above a guy making sucking noises at me as I walk past them on the street but it's still going to get them the same end result...which is nowhere.
FWIW I would never, even consider telling a total stranger to cheer up, smile, etc. Seriously? Maybe the guys that do this think that it makes them seem caring? Like good listeners.
I do remember one time a friend and I were having a serious conversation in a café about the recent death of a family member and some charmer approached us with, "and what are you two lovely ladies talking about?"
Nov 10, 2014, 1:48 pm
#88
Join Date: May 2013
Location: JFK
Posts: 459
After all, I met my wife and just about every girlfriend I ever had by "chatting them up" at a party or event or whatever and they didn't seem to think it was creepy.
)But again, that's me, RBF and all
. Those moves might work fabulously with someone other than me.
Admittedly this guy was a creep for suggesting instant sex but up until that point would it have been any different from a normal social interaction?
If you're referring to the OP...well that guy just sounds sad and the OP totally rocks
.
Nov 11, 2014, 3:08 am
#89
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canada
Programs: SPG, Aeroplan, WJ, Avis Preferred, Hertz Gold, Fairmont PC, IHG, Marriott, Airmiles, Aventura,Avion
Posts: 104
Interesting question. I don't know if you're asking me personally or the "you" at large but since you quoted my post I'll respond.
"Chatting someone up" isn't creepy. Nothing creepy about starting a conversation, but to me it's the way that it's initiated. For me, personally, if you try to start a conversation by telling me to do something you're going to get shut down. FWIW, telling me to "smile" isn't creepy either, just aggravating in the way that the guy trying to swan in on a personal conversation was aggravating...mind your business. (and BTW- this is in no way referring to work...I can just imagine me telling my boss to mind their business after they've told me to do something)
I agree, I don't mind being chatted up sometimes and reaffirmation that I'm attractive and desirable isn't a bad thing at all. What was creepy was the fact that the man was married, knew that I was and thought that cheating was some great feat or joke, was overtly sexual and not just flirtatious, used alcohol as an excuse for his poor behaviour and proceeded to repeat the behaviour following an obviously insecure apology.
But again, that's me, RBF and all. Those moves might work fabulously with someone other than me.
It would not have been, which is what westcoastgal was saying (I think) and why she likely laughed it off. And even the suggestion wasn't creepy per se...but trying the same stunt the next evening because westcoastgal gave the guy the benefit of the doubt? Cr-eep.
Yes, completely.
If you're referring to the OP...well that guy just sounds sad and the OP totally rocks.
"Chatting someone up" isn't creepy. Nothing creepy about starting a conversation, but to me it's the way that it's initiated. For me, personally, if you try to start a conversation by telling me to do something you're going to get shut down. FWIW, telling me to "smile" isn't creepy either, just aggravating in the way that the guy trying to swan in on a personal conversation was aggravating...mind your business. (and BTW- this is in no way referring to work...I can just imagine me telling my boss to mind their business after they've told me to do something
)I agree, I don't mind being chatted up sometimes and reaffirmation that I'm attractive and desirable isn't a bad thing at all. What was creepy was the fact that the man was married, knew that I was and thought that cheating was some great feat or joke, was overtly sexual and not just flirtatious, used alcohol as an excuse for his poor behaviour and proceeded to repeat the behaviour following an obviously insecure apology.
But again, that's me, RBF and all
. Those moves might work fabulously with someone other than me.It would not have been, which is what westcoastgal was saying (I think) and why she likely laughed it off. And even the suggestion wasn't creepy per se...but trying the same stunt the next evening because westcoastgal gave the guy the benefit of the doubt? Cr-eep.
Yes, completely.
If you're referring to the OP...well that guy just sounds sad and the OP totally rocks
.
Nov 11, 2014, 6:17 pm
#90
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Hiding under the trees in Denver, CO
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Posts: 4,306
Given divorce tales from men ditched by a frequently traveling wife, it's clear that being married and on the move is not a general show-stopper for married women in the way some may have thought it to be in prior decades.
Some people even have a rule that says that if a guy's wife likes to travel a lot without her hubby and kids and frequently posts on Facebook or the like about her trips alone while almost never posting a picture of her with her hubby, then she may be more likely to see the field tilled and be seeking an "upgrade" up in the air or down on the ground or both.
This gossip-worthy game has become a running game in some offices in some parts.
Some people even have a rule that says that if a guy's wife likes to travel a lot without her hubby and kids and frequently posts on Facebook or the like about her trips alone while almost never posting a picture of her with her hubby, then she may be more likely to see the field tilled and be seeking an "upgrade" up in the air or down on the ground or both.
This gossip-worthy game has become a running game in some offices in some parts.
I have traveled on my own for most of the 24 years I've been with my husband. There are no rules, or games, or show stoppers. We do our work and live our lives, mostly free of predators and gossips. I have lots of conversations with random strangers because I am interested in people's stories, and almost none of them have turned icky.
