nlkm9

I am not on facebook, but when I was a few years ago my hubby specifically requested that no photos of him be on there, he hated the whole social media thing....but gossip is gossip. I have certainly seen my share of misbehaving folks at companies I have worked at.....

Anna Phor

Shorter version--"it doesn't matter if you get constantly bothered when you are just trying to read a book!! A man might get laid!!!"

Kagehitokiri

is pointing out sexist behavior sexist?

yolandearagon

I travel exclusively internationally and always wear a wedding ring though I'm divorced. As I've gotten older, that has helped, but it still occasionally happens though not in the usual places where it would be expected. I think I have a built-in "do not disturb" sign (or else an evil eye) that usually precludes such incidents, even sitting in airport bars or lounges waiting for my next flight.

CDTraveler

Maybe, maybe not.

Sexist would be saying all men are scum because some men assume any woman could be theirs for the asking and are ready, willing and eager to commit adultery.

But it isn't sexist to state that some men act as if any woman they fancy would jump at the chance to sleep with them because unfortunately such men are too often encountered. See post #1.

peachy_

I often travel solo to LAS. I wear a wedding ring. When asked where my husband is, I reply, "Oh, probably napping/gone to bed", depending on the time of day. Never a lie.

erdehoff

Some men, no matter how handsome or fit they might be, are just creeps through and through. I will shoot down a cute guy in a red-hot second if I start getting the creep vibe, and at 35, I'm no longer embarrassed about it and I don't try to be polite. I've seen (and unfortunately experienced) what happens when you tolerate a creep who hits on you and you don't shut him down promptly and firmly -- being "polite," as most women have been socialized from childhood to do, only makes him think he has a chance, and in some cases this can lead to sexual assault or worse. Again, unfortunately, speaking from experience here.

And that's just in the U.S. I'll never forget my first trip abroad -- I went to Paris on a school trip at 18. Within two hours of arriving, I had a guy come up to me in a grocery store and offer to "let you use my body any way zat you want." I hope he was kidding, but I got the hell out of there! I went to Tunisia with a female friend when I was 21 and bought a fake wedding ring, wore a hijab, covered up from head to toe -- nada. The men actually said to my face that they didn't believe I was married and redoubled their efforts to talk me into bed.

I really hate the Not All Men meme because it totally misses the point (women don't know which men are going to turn out to be rapists! They don't exactly wear neon signs!), but it's true that not every man is like this, or even most men. It's just the smaller percentage of creeps and (sadly) sexual predators that force women to be on their guard even against men who intend nothing more than professional conversation. None of what I've written above is news to female travelers, but I think a lot of men don't understand just how bad it can get for us, no matter where in the world we go.

And yeah, interrupt me while I'm reading at your own peril. Unless you're bringing me a refill for my glass of wine, go away.

CDTraveler

...why I no longer socialize with men who haven't been "vouched for" by somebody I already know. A couple weeks ago a nice seeming guy started chatting with me at the grocery store, and asked for my number. Probably he was a nice person, and I'm quite willing to discuss brands in the supermarket aisle, but I'm not willing to give out my number.

GUWonder

The "vouched for" thing only goes so far and has never moved me; and the "vouched for" thing is exploited by creeps as well as others. Most creeps aren't known as creeps by their acquaintances, friends or even family members; and people can turn into creeps over time. Ultimately, there is -- whether consciously recognized or not -- a non-theological equivalent of a "leap of faith" in deciding how/with whom/when to (and when not to) interact with others.

Better and more reliable than the "vouched for" thing is -- even as it may be part of the "vouched for" thing -- the observation of how limited/extensive a person's empathy (for others) is in word and in deed. That isn't creep-proof either, but that just goes to show that ultimately it's more or less a blind leap toward or away.

CDTraveler

Yes, well, you and I have never agreed on much.

You're talking about something miles past where "vouched" comes in. Before I'd invest enough time to assess someone's level of empathy, I'd want more basic info, like single/married/involved, does he have drinking/substance issues, and a few other questions I consider deal breakers. Some stranger comes along and suggests sex within the first 5 minutes (see OP), definitely not wasting time on getting to know their empathy level.

GUWonder

Who knows. I don't even care to try to keep track of such things.

Good luck validating the accuracy of "basic info", hopefully without coming off as creepy: "give me your government-issued photo ID"; "I need your medical and tax history release forms"; "I need a list of everyone with whom you've lived for the past ten years"; "I need you to volunteer to be subject to random toxicology lab testing of urine and blood and stool and hair samples". "oh, skip that", for I'll take the words of your acquaintance(s) as good enough while not subjecting them to the same".

pinkcat

I dont mind being approached, no issues with having a coffee etc in a public place and a bit of a chat, goodness knows I chat to plenty of strangers outside hotels when I go out for a smoke.

If I dont want company I just say so, travelling alone sometimes its nice just to chat, if I was invited up to his room, I would just say " no thanks, dont want to go anywhere alone with you"

I dont think all men are creeps and rapists, they must be bored with hotels as much as women are. I do wear a wedding ring because I am widowed but I am not sure men think to check before speaking!

QtownDave

Both married men AND women cheat. A lot. So, I'm not so sure what's so shocking here. That said, the approach in the OP seems about as useful as a construction worker yelling at a girl on the street. Yeah, good luck with that.

nlkm9

OP here--exactly!!! LOL, at least ask me my name, before suggesting a "nightcap" ( at the hampton inn no less). sheesh.

RTW1

But he wasn't interested in your name... Why pretend .