Had my first threesome thanks to United
Mar 26, 2017, 8:21 am
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: NJ, USA
Programs: UA MM
Posts: 671
Had my first threesome thanks to United
I am cheap. I never buy anything other than economy class seats when I fly. Thanks to my 1K status, I am able to get economy plus for free for myself and my family (when they fly with me). Even out of EWR, I get upgraded fairly often. When I don't, no issues. Seats 21C and 21D are my constant companions.
That said, I make use of my 6 GPUs very wisely. I always check the aircraft, availability and guess my chances of clearing the upgrade. With that background:
On my most recent trip EWR-GRU-EWR, while booking, I noticed EWR-GRU direct had that dreaded 2-4-2 J configuration. I looked at the available seats and most of them were in the center 4. I instead booked myself EWR-IAD-GRU on the way which had a 2-1-2 configuration. GPU cleared a few days ahead of my departure and I was happy.
I totally forgot I had booked UA148 GRU-EWR direct as I had an event to attend on Saturday late morning. I also forgot about the configuration of the plane as I had the entire row 26DEF to myself. Nevertheless, I was thrilled when while boarding, the gate agent said "It's your lucky day - you get the last business class seat". 9D.
With a wide grin and happy thoughts, I boarded the plane. My euphoria turned into dread as I realized I was in the center of the center section - backwards facing seat no less. My brain screamed "THIS is what you get for giving up an entire row of economy plus?". The gentleman in the aisle seat next to me (let's call him Mr. AS for Aisle seat) was polite and largely ignored me. I sniffed - some out of self-pity and some to check this gentleman's hygiene. He passed the hygiene check with flying colors. I failed my self-pity test and continued sniffing/sniffling. I rubbed elbows, literally, with Mr. AS as the seat was so narrow. The middle seat next to me (MS) remained empty till about 10 mins before the door closing - then in walked the handsome MS owner. He was as shocked as I was with the configuration but he apparently was just happy to make the plane from Cuba. I rubbed elbows again, this time with Mr. MS.
As we all settled in for the night with beds completely flat, I sighed hoping it was going to be OK. Within 15 mins, my knees bumped into something and I woke up with a start to find that I was now rubbing knees with Mr. MS - I was sleeping on my left side and he on his right, resulting in this cosy knees encounter. We both turned the other way, rather embarrassed. I fell asleep and woke up 30 mins later with a hard bump to my knees again - apparently Mr. AS decided to switch from right side to left side resulting in bumping into me. He apologized and turned the other way. I tried to sleep on my back, but could not as I am a left side sleeper. I spent the night getting alternately cosy with Mr. MS and Mr. AS and at the first ding foretelling the breakfast service, I was up - sitting up straight.
The last thing going through my mind as I disembarked was that threesomes were totally overrated.
That said, I make use of my 6 GPUs very wisely. I always check the aircraft, availability and guess my chances of clearing the upgrade. With that background:
On my most recent trip EWR-GRU-EWR, while booking, I noticed EWR-GRU direct had that dreaded 2-4-2 J configuration. I looked at the available seats and most of them were in the center 4. I instead booked myself EWR-IAD-GRU on the way which had a 2-1-2 configuration. GPU cleared a few days ahead of my departure and I was happy.
I totally forgot I had booked UA148 GRU-EWR direct as I had an event to attend on Saturday late morning. I also forgot about the configuration of the plane as I had the entire row 26DEF to myself. Nevertheless, I was thrilled when while boarding, the gate agent said "It's your lucky day - you get the last business class seat". 9D.
With a wide grin and happy thoughts, I boarded the plane. My euphoria turned into dread as I realized I was in the center of the center section - backwards facing seat no less. My brain screamed "THIS is what you get for giving up an entire row of economy plus?". The gentleman in the aisle seat next to me (let's call him Mr. AS for Aisle seat) was polite and largely ignored me. I sniffed - some out of self-pity and some to check this gentleman's hygiene. He passed the hygiene check with flying colors. I failed my self-pity test and continued sniffing/sniffling. I rubbed elbows, literally, with Mr. AS as the seat was so narrow. The middle seat next to me (MS) remained empty till about 10 mins before the door closing - then in walked the handsome MS owner. He was as shocked as I was with the configuration but he apparently was just happy to make the plane from Cuba. I rubbed elbows again, this time with Mr. MS.
As we all settled in for the night with beds completely flat, I sighed hoping it was going to be OK. Within 15 mins, my knees bumped into something and I woke up with a start to find that I was now rubbing knees with Mr. MS - I was sleeping on my left side and he on his right, resulting in this cosy knees encounter. We both turned the other way, rather embarrassed. I fell asleep and woke up 30 mins later with a hard bump to my knees again - apparently Mr. AS decided to switch from right side to left side resulting in bumping into me. He apologized and turned the other way. I tried to sleep on my back, but could not as I am a left side sleeper. I spent the night getting alternately cosy with Mr. MS and Mr. AS and at the first ding foretelling the breakfast service, I was up - sitting up straight.
The last thing going through my mind as I disembarked was that threesomes were totally overrated.
Last edited by pindi; Mar 12, 2019 at 3:33 pm
Mar 26, 2017, 8:39 am
#2
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 494
Glad UA doesn't sell cars - they would probably only install 3 tires. Enough to keep the car off the ground - but not enough to use the car for its intended use!
Mar 26, 2017, 8:40 am
#3
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: BOS/EAP
Programs: UA 1K, MR LTT, HH Dia, Amex Plat
Posts: 32,038
entertaining read. I hate the PMUA 772 myself and I only book them when there is no other alternative and I have no way to get into F and only if I can get a seat on '2' side
Mar 26, 2017, 9:22 am
#4
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: PHL
Programs: UA 1K 1MM, Marriott Gold, IHG Platinum, Raddison Platinum, Avis Presidents Club
Posts: 5,271
Yeah its tough in those seats. The foot hole doesnt line up with the seat so if you are a side sleeper, you are pretty much forced to sleep on a specific side.
One time flying PHL-SFO-SYD, sfo got fogged so I was going to mis-connect, they put on on PHL-LAX on (US) and LAX-SYD. They managed to somehow get me the last seat but it was also a middle. That was my first time in the middle, and I actually wrote in to complain about how much worse it is and they gave me an ECT. (Well, I also complained about the delay and getting stuck in E on US)
One time flying PHL-SFO-SYD, sfo got fogged so I was going to mis-connect, they put on on PHL-LAX on (US) and LAX-SYD. They managed to somehow get me the last seat but it was also a middle. That was my first time in the middle, and I actually wrote in to complain about how much worse it is and they gave me an ECT. (Well, I also complained about the delay and getting stuck in E on US)
Mar 26, 2017, 9:46 am
#6
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Houston
Programs: UA Plat, Marriott Gold
Posts: 12,693
What's your beef with the backward facing seats?
I like them. With the IPTE seats being very close to horizontal with the ground (much closer than the LFBF), facing backward causes my head to be slightly above my feet due to the plane's nose-up attitude.
I like them. With the IPTE seats being very close to horizontal with the ground (much closer than the LFBF), facing backward causes my head to be slightly above my feet due to the plane's nose-up attitude.
Mar 26, 2017, 9:51 am
#7
Original Poster
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: NJ, USA
Programs: UA MM
Posts: 671
My beef? Among other things, being hit by magazine projectiles that fly out from behind you - not just yours but from your neighbours as well - those pesky Sky Mall, Hemispheres etc that are squeezed into the tiny slot don't quite stay put at the take off angles....
Mar 26, 2017, 10:02 am
#8
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: SAN
Programs: 1K (since 2008), *G (since 1990), 1MM
Posts: 3,218
Your headline caught my attention so had to read it!
I too dislike those middle seats although rear or front facing does not concern me. One trip when I was on a paid, last minute, flight got the dreaded seat. Went to sleep and woke up startled when Mr MS (next to me) whacked me in the face. In fairness he was asleep (well he appeared to be asleep). Rolled over, went back to sleep and got thumped on the back by Mr MS. He still appeared to be asleep. So went back to sleep and got awoken a third time by another face slap. Decided sleep was not going to be my thing on the trip so sat my seat up and watched a movie. Mr MS then sent his hand/arm flying again straight into my upright seat that awoke him from his deep slumber. He looked daggers at me and my seat, and I just kept watching my movie. He did this a couple more times before he too gave up on sleep (at which time l then reclined ny seat and closed my eyes). Since then try and avoid the 4 seat arrangement unless it is the morning flight from LHR as I do not sleep on those flights so not as conerned.
On a different flight had arranged for my cousin to fly in business using a GPU and got her the aisle on the 4 across (no other aisles available). She was settled in her seat when a German "gentleman" boarded the plane moved her bags from above where she was sitting (into the next bin along), and told her he wanted her seat. She had stood up to let him into his seat (and did not say anything about her bag being moved as she could still reach it). She informed him it was her seat. He told her he wanted it and expected her to move into his middle seat. By this time the boarding was held up so the FA came to check the hold up. The German gentleman informed the FA he wanted the aisle seat and was sure she understood it would be much easier if my cousin just moved into the middle seat. FA asked to see his BP and told him to sit in his middle seat. Mr MS then sits down in his seat and informs my cousin it would have been easier and leas problems if she has just done what he had told her to do.
So next time perhaps tell Mr AS you want their seat and tell them to do as you tell them. :-)
Thank you for your amusing headline to your story.
I too dislike those middle seats although rear or front facing does not concern me. One trip when I was on a paid, last minute, flight got the dreaded seat. Went to sleep and woke up startled when Mr MS (next to me) whacked me in the face. In fairness he was asleep (well he appeared to be asleep). Rolled over, went back to sleep and got thumped on the back by Mr MS. He still appeared to be asleep. So went back to sleep and got awoken a third time by another face slap. Decided sleep was not going to be my thing on the trip so sat my seat up and watched a movie. Mr MS then sent his hand/arm flying again straight into my upright seat that awoke him from his deep slumber. He looked daggers at me and my seat, and I just kept watching my movie. He did this a couple more times before he too gave up on sleep (at which time l then reclined ny seat and closed my eyes). Since then try and avoid the 4 seat arrangement unless it is the morning flight from LHR as I do not sleep on those flights so not as conerned.
On a different flight had arranged for my cousin to fly in business using a GPU and got her the aisle on the 4 across (no other aisles available). She was settled in her seat when a German "gentleman" boarded the plane moved her bags from above where she was sitting (into the next bin along), and told her he wanted her seat. She had stood up to let him into his seat (and did not say anything about her bag being moved as she could still reach it). She informed him it was her seat. He told her he wanted it and expected her to move into his middle seat. By this time the boarding was held up so the FA came to check the hold up. The German gentleman informed the FA he wanted the aisle seat and was sure she understood it would be much easier if my cousin just moved into the middle seat. FA asked to see his BP and told him to sit in his middle seat. Mr MS then sits down in his seat and informs my cousin it would have been easier and leas problems if she has just done what he had told her to do.
So next time perhaps tell Mr AS you want their seat and tell them to do as you tell them. :-)
Thank you for your amusing headline to your story.
Mar 26, 2017, 10:15 am
#10
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Programs: UA Gold 1MM, Marriott Gold
Posts: 1,158
While I can sympathize with the OP's plight, bumping knees in C is still better than an aching back and neck in Y.
My most memorable threesome (seat) experience was on the old recliner configuration pmUA 777. Got bumped up to the last row of biz in the middle seat. Sat next to a very attractive pharma rep and ended up talking/flirting with her for the whole flight. Sadly our brief affair ended after landing.
My most memorable threesome (seat) experience was on the old recliner configuration pmUA 777. Got bumped up to the last row of biz in the middle seat. Sat next to a very attractive pharma rep and ended up talking/flirting with her for the whole flight. Sadly our brief affair ended after landing.
Mar 26, 2017, 10:38 am
#11
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: SNA
Programs: United Global Services 3MM, Marriott Ambassador, AMEX Platinum, Global Entry/NEXUS
Posts: 239
9D on 772 is the absolute worst seat you can possibly get in J. I won this illustrious lottery ticket last night when my flight DTW-EWR-MUC got scrubbed and I ended up going DTW-ORD-MUC... last seat available when GS made the change for me. Nothing better than middle of the crowd, facing backwards, and literally zero room.
Mar 26, 2017, 10:39 am
#12
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: BOS
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Great read and thanks for the chuckle. I am a frequent GRU flyer and will often only look for the GF planes to avoid the god-awful 2-4-2. I am always willing to pay more for sanity and a better sleep.
Mar 26, 2017, 10:57 am
#13
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: BWI
Programs: UA 1MM & 1K, Marriott Titanium, Hilton Diamond
Posts: 255
I generally greatly prefer the rear facing seats due to the slight nose up attitude of the aircraft during level flight.
And if you ever need to do the brace position, its much simpler, pretty much just sit upright. Not really an actual consideration in seat choice, but a plus none the less.
Mar 26, 2017, 11:42 am
#15
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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